wwml do?

[BunnyMacDougal]

Person A bought someone some items for person B from a store out of town....based on text messages (including pics and stuff) instructing A to buy the stuff and B would pay back.  Two weeks go by, person B decides to return most of the items.  

A offers to take them back out of town on several occasions so the $$ would go back on A's credit card and each time B offers to go with, but backs out.  

Assume no looming return policy, just leariness on the part of person A that B will drag this out an annoying amount of time.  

Seriously, wwml do if you were person A?  



So going out of town is a hassle and both parties have kids and schedules.  Would you insist on going by yourself to take the stuff back and cause resentment?  Or insist B go herself and cause resentment?  Or ask for all the $$ upfront and offer to refund whatever eventually gets returned and cause resentment?



Help me out.  Poll to come. 

[angelaa73]

I would throttle person B

[BunnyMacDougal]

I'll update with what actually transpired in a bit. Thanks angelaa for the validation! xo

[ElizabethBennet]

Does B have the items currently or does A still have them?

[BunnyMacDougal]

Assume B has the items. A sees B with frequency, and A has seen B using some of the items. B never has new-with-tags items to hand over to A to return for refund. That's because B keeps insisting there will be a trip out of town when both go to return. B keeps postponing the day of. And B retains items.

[adhdfashion]

So person A gave person B product without being paid? Bad move. :/ This isn't going to end well.

[speckledfrog]

How much does B owe A? Kudos for not attempting murder at this point.

[gault]

hulk smash, is what I say.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Why is this even an issue? Who do both people need to go back OOT to return the stuff? Person A should have been paid upon delivery of items to person B. If person B had to return stuff, it should have been done without having to involve person A. If the store would only do it to person A's credit card, then the money could have been returned to person B. Are these people adults? Because it sure doesn't seem that way.

[ElizabethBennet]

Ya, just ask for the money. I'd be pissed.

[BunnyMacDougal]

adhfashion, you got that right. Person B is displaying infantile behavior including rude behavior and rude texts!! A is so dumb. Its me.


Here's what happened. I decided to take the items and go. I told H where I'd be this afternoon. B is his sister. He convinced me to instead ask for the money ...... I'm not in the best health right now and didn't really want to go. I agree.

We ask her for it. She tracks me down at the grocery store and TAKES OUR CARD (in case they need it for returns) immediately because the only time she can go is RIGHTTHEN. She goes. At 1pm. 8pm rolls around, no text, no call, she's got our card. H asks her when she's bringing it. VITRIOL! We're ungrateful and insensitive. Says she'll put it in our mailbox, no wait, her mailbox - come get it.

I go out to her house. Mailbox empty. I text H, she comes out to mailbox (down rural wooded driveway in the dark), puts an envelope in her mailbox by the light of my headlights ... and hoofs back to her house. Slams door.

"Quits" babysitting my daughter the one day a week she takes my daughter and hers to music class while I teach. Conveniently, that's in 3 days and I've got it covered.


and scene. WTH did I do wrong here?

[BunnyMacDougal]

She included a check for the items she kept and "55 cents for my trouble". I really think she might be hormonal or on the drugs or something.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 5, 2013 23:09:04 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

How much does B owe A? Kudos for not attempting murder at this point.

It was a bunch of fucking kids clothes.  An embarrassing amount.  Enough to start this drama.  

[thinkofthesoldiers]

I want to know what an "embarrassing amount" is. Because to some here it could be $100 and to others it could be $5k. This will also make the 55 cents seem even worse, I think, which is hilarious.

[lime]

Oh fuck no. With your update, I'd be plotting her slow death via a rusty spoon.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 5, 2013 23:19:06 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

FIFTY FIVE CENTS FOR YOUR TROUBLE?

I'd kil her. Did you get all your money back? What a complete whore.

Yes, all the money and a receipt for returned items.  In a sealed envelope.  Exactly what was expected the day I bought the stuff.  Or, you know, the day after.  

That's what was in the mailbox.  Texted to H when I got home was instructions for him to tell me she quits as my "babysitter".  I have to call the music teacher and try to make us not look fucking nuts.  I'm sorry Cecile won't be at school the rest of the semester (her aunt won't bring her and she'll be at a sitter who can't bring her).   

[janegold]

She is in the wrong now, and was in the wrong before. Either she is embarrassed and trying to deflect or she is a dumb bitch. Either way, I wouldn't put too much stock in her opinion of this situation - or anything else.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 5, 2013 23:22:31 GMT -5 thinkofthesoldiers said:

I want to know what an "embarrassing amount" is. Because to some here it could be $100 and to others it could be $5k. This will also make the 55 cents seem even worse, I think, which is hilarious.

Over $100

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 5, 2013 23:25:42 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Is this behavior unusual for her b/c it's hard to believe this is the first time she's acted this way. You and your kid may be better off without her mess.

It is and its not.  First time she's ever been mean to me.  I've seen her get upset with H before, and her H.  She's got a temper.  But its usually excused (I think for the sake of peace).  This time also.  H is being railed by his mother for asking her for the money and disrupting harmony.  Not too bad.  I don't think its a family rift at this point.  But it sure ain't good.  I can't wait to explain this to my 3 year old.  No more music class for you.  Mommy can't take you and neither can your new sitter.  And I'm going to have to say that her aunt "can't" either.  I'm not exposing her to crazy at this point.  Right?  I mean come on.  There's not going to be a direct source of info that her little cousin still gets to go.  RIght?


I'm sure I'll be ridiculed for taking SIL seriously and calling the music teacher and the sitter.  

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 5, 2013 23:33:11 GMT -5 mooselovah said:

Can your mil take your kid for the sake of family unity? Seems a fair compromise.

Potentially.  But MIL keeps SIL's baby while SIL takes the 3 year olds to music.  I take SIL's 4 year old in with me and drop him off at preschool on my way to class.  Then I pick him up from preschool and we all eat lunch and the proper kids go home with their moms.

That's the routine.  It seems presumptuous for me to ask MIL, who thinks we shouldn't have asked for the money and awakened the beast...to now take C.  Especially when we have a sitter who can do it, and I don't have to get in the mix of the routine lunch MIL and SIL will have exchanging her kids to get my daughter back.  Its all such a clusterfuck if I don't just stay away on Friday.  Right?

I'd take advice on this too, if ya got any.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Sue: And how did Easter, Christmas, birthdays, etc go after that?

I imagine that SIL will come around and sitter will be firmly in place as part of our schedule. I'll be the ahole for not tearing cecile out of that routine and trying to reinsert her in music class. But we live out here with the ILs. They're all we have out here. And they seem to be in SIL's corner. Or back-pocket as it were.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Yes, you got SIL right on the money.

We don't live with any ILs. We have our own house. I just meant we live in bumblefuck mid-west while all the rest of the family is southeast or south - 10 to 24 hours by car. Its just us, H's parents, and SIL's kids/H out here.

And its a small town. Smaaaaaalllllll. You know.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

I love it when sue gets feisty.

And I would stop taking SIL's kid to class as you've been doing (did I read that right?). But I'm a child.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 6, 2013 0:14:02 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

I love it when sue gets feisty.

And I would stop taking SIL's kid to class as you've been doing (did I read that right?). But I'm a child.

Yeah, that's the deal.  I used to take him but now I won't, as I won't be dropping off C those mornings.  We worked this deal out over the summer, when I was planning C's care for the one morning a week she doesn't have preschool when I teach.  

The previous year she went to the sitter all the mornings I taught, and one afternoon.  SIL was saying her son has preschool early on Fridays.....and that she'd take mine if I took hers.  It worked great.  Now, its off!  


Enter super sitter!  She agreed to take C friday mornings, first ask, over facebook message, within the half hour.  Love her!



ETA:  love your sig btw.  

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Glad you got it worked out!

And thanks.

[ECB]

Where is your DH in all of this?  Will he back you up/ send the same message as you?

I get it that you need to find some balance, but I would NOT rely on SIL anymore for any kind of "daycare".  And if she comes around and says she'll start taking your DD again - I think you and DH need to find a nice way to say "Thanks, but we've made new arrangements".  She'll get upset- I'm sure.  Your MIL will start talking about harmony, etc.  And the message is "Yes, we are doing this specifically to KEEP the harmony.  We realize SIL was upset, but we can't have our plans - and more importantly our DD"s plans - affected whenever we, the adults, get upset.  So - we're going to keep our new sitter."

You're going to have to let them get upset.  Just keep your cool, continue to be nice to them, and approach holiday/ special events normally.  Don't pull this crap into that crap.  Let THEM pull it in if they feel the desire too.  but chances are they'll cool off and come around in time.  Just give them their space to come around and live your lives as it works best for you.

[BunnyMacDougal]

Feb 6, 2013 9:06:25 GMT -5 ECB said:

Where is your DH in all of this?  Will he back you up/ send the same message as you?

I get it that you need to find some balance, but I would NOT rely on SIL anymore for any kind of "daycare".  And if she comes around and says she'll start taking your DD again - I think you and DH need to find a nice way to say "Thanks, but we've made new arrangements".  She'll get upset- I'm sure.  Your MIL will start talking about harmony, etc.  And the message is "Yes, we are doing this specifically to KEEP the harmony.  We realize SIL was upset, but we can't have our plans - and more importantly our DD"s plans - affected whenever we, the adults, get upset.  So - we're going to keep our new sitter."

You're going to have to let them get upset.  Just keep your cool, continue to be nice to them, and approach holiday/ special events normally.  Don't pull this crap into that crap.  Let THEM pull it in if they feel the desire too.  but chances are they'll cool off and come around in time.  Just give them their space to come around and live your lives as it works best for you.

Thanks for this thoughtful response ECB.  It still feels so raw, like wtf happened??

I haven't seen any ILs yet, just waiting for that initial contact from somebody.  H has had several exchanges with SIL and MIL.  He's pretty tacit when it comes to drama, but the vibe he's putting out is that we should just proceed rationally as we would any other time care for DD has the potential to fall through.  He's pist at SIL and being very supportive of my need to vent/rant.  

[mushmouse]

I would just act like it's all settled. She reimbursed you and has decided not to take your daughter anymore. So you and your husband just act like nothing has happened. You understand her need to change your arrangement. And when she realizes - like the day before you aren't coming to pick up her 4 year old - that this is going to bite her in the ass it's not your problem. And when your MIL realizes that she's not seeing your child as often as she used to she will start telling SIL to not stir up drama.

There is no way I would let her take your daughter now though no matter what happens. I do not put it past people at all to take shit like this out on children.