a man's experience of late term abortion

[mominatrix]

Abortion Story- A Man's Experiences of late-term abortion

By PhillipKWood  |  Posted February 13, 2013  |  COLUMBIA, Missouri




Our family's experiences are hardly typical of most who find themselves needing an abortion. Stated simply, after finding we were unable to become pregnant after our first child, we decided to seek fertility treatment in order to have a second child. After doing this, we were overjoyed to learn that my wife was pregnant with twins. Unfortunately, these twins, we discovered at 16 weeks that though genetically healthy, suffered from a phenomenon called "twin-twin transfusion syndrome" in which the blood of one twin fails to circulate back to that twin and instead goes to the other twin. This problem resulted in the heart of one twin thickening as it dealt with a surplus of blood, while the other became stunted due to the lack of blood. This condition also resulted in my wife building up a lot of fluid, which was relieved by amniodrainage (sticking a needle into her abdomen to drain fluid). The weeks from week 16 to 22 were busy trying to arrange medical care for the situation. This involved getting high resolution ultrasounds for better assessments to better determine what the problems were and more amniodrainages to relieve fluid pressure. At week 22, when it looked as if it was impossible to save both of them, locating a physician who would tie off the umbilical cord of one fetus so that the other could live. Because my wife was on bed rest and could not fly, I drove my wife in a van while she laid on a cot in the back from our home in Missouri to Florida where the procedure could be done. When we arrived there, the doctor told us that the amniodrainage procedures had resulted in amniotic bands which made doing the procedure impossible. He told us to seek an abortion and said that it couldn't happen at that hospital because it was a Catholic institution. He didn't know of any clinics and let us stay the night at the hospital before we went on the long trip back to Missouri. We contacted our physicians in Missouri, who told us to go to an abortion clinic in St. Louis. When we got there, however, that clinic told us that the head of the larger twin was too large and they would not perform the procedure. They gave us a sheet with the names of three clinics who would perform the procedure, Atlanta, Houston, & Wichita, Kansas. We returned to our home, and scheduled an appointment with the late Dr. George Tiller in Wichita, because it was the closest. 

Given that what I have written so far is a lot of text, I'll spare you the particulars of the abortion itself. It might be somewhat funny to note that we weren't sure where the abortion clinic was in Wichita, but were able to find it easily from seeing all the protestors. The clinic itself was striking in several ways. First, I was surprised to go through a security procedure involving a security guard and metal detector. On arriving in the main room of the clinic, the walls were covered with personalized letters of thanks to the clinic for the help they provided individual women, as well as the awards Dr. Tiller had received for his humanitarian service. I was quite surprised that Dr. Tiller approached his job with a missionary zeal and sense of humor (which personally took me a bit of time to adjust to given our circumstances). The protestors with their megaphones provided a droning backdrop to the proceedings. It's important to report that we weren't the only late-term abortion patients at the clinic at the time. Dr. Tiller had two other couples at the clinic at that time. He said that the clinic usually ran group counseling sessions for these types of pregnancies, one family which was Muslim, didn't want to participate with those outside their faith and after talking with the other family, we decided we didn't have a lot to talk through in a session. 
We had to read and sign off on forms which described in detail the fetal pain involved in an abortion. Although I was privately upset that legislators were so callous as to not even think about situations such as ours, it occurred to me that if our twins felt pain, they were probably experiencing pain up to this point in the pregnancy as well. 


The abortions themselves were performed by first injecting each fetus with digoxin, in order to cause cardiac death. I was surprised to be able to feel the moment when their lives ended. After inserting laminaria to promote dialation, we went back to the hotel for the evening and returned the next day for the abortions. Dr. Tiller administered what I later realized was a very high dose of Versed to my wife during this procedure. She was later to tell me that she didn't recall much of the days in Wichita at all. I realized this was probably an additional kindness I didn't realize at the time. I was present with my wife during the delivery of the twins. Although this was stressful and sad, it was good that I was there. I was surprised that Dr. Tiller asked me if I wanted to baptize the twins after they were delivered. Dr. Tiller let me hold them for a bit and I was surprised to see him step back and wipe a few tears during this. I was surprised, a few weeks later, to receive an envelope with pictures of our twins in a card bearing bearing the words "Dignity" and "Respect." 


I have to tell you now that these events happened some years ago. My daughter, who was five at the time of these abortions is now in college and we have since then adopted a wonderful boy from China who shows me the energy and humor of his thirteen years. 
You may rightly wonder what would motivate me to share this story with you and others. At the time of our abortions I honestly felt very alone because these medical decisions are not things that one can comfortably tell those around you. I also thought that the political stigma of having an abortion under these circumstances was immoral and obscene. I told myself that if there was anything I could do which would somehow help couples in similar situations that I would do so. This has taken the form of testifying to senate and house committee hearings dealing with increased abortion restrictions or outlawing abortion outright. It has involved interviewing with the news media and writing letters to the editor and elected representatives. It is often difficult, even in light of the time which has passed, but I feel it is a small token of gratitude to the medical and health professionals who helped my family at a time when we needed it most. 
I am an unlikely looking activist. My six-foot frame and kind of Amish-looking grey beard cause the anti-choice protestors to cheer when they see me walking toward a clinic protest as some unfamiliar new ally. They're somewhat dismayed to see me walk across the street to join the supporters of our local Planned Parenthood clinic. Others tell me that doctors would always make exceptions for "people like us" and "would do the right thing" even if these procedures are made illegal. From talking with Dr. Tiller and others, I know that this is not so. They tell me if these procedures are banned, they will stop doing them. These families need protection and their situations need to be part of the public dialogue on abortion rights. 


I have interviewed with CNN on the occasion of Dr. Tiller's murder: cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/bestoftv/2009/06/04/ac360.tiller.patient.intv




ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-926775?fb_action_ids=144967952330526&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%22144967952330526%22%3A396873350408201%7D&action_type_map=%7B%22144967952330526%22%3A%22og.recommends%22%7D&action_ref_map


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I'm a little infuriated that these people had to drive all over Hell's Kitchen to get a medical procedure.

and I'll leave it there.

[looseseal]

I agree it's horrible they had to travel so far to receive medical treatment. I haven't kept up on this issue, so I'm not sure if anyone has stepped into Dr. Tiller's shoes since his death.

[chalupabatman]

It is nice to see someone humanizing abortion doctors as well. I feel like that is a factor that is often excluded from these types of stories.

[sushi]

Feb 14, 2013 12:18:43 GMT -5 looseseal said:

I agree it's horrible they had to travel so far to receive medical treatment. I haven't kept up on this issue, so I'm not sure if anyone has stepped into Dr. Tiller's shoes since his death.

Dr. Carhart in Omaha was taking many of his patients in the immediate aftermath. I believe now they're reopening Tiller's clinic with a new doc, but I have no idea who it is, or if there is even one yet.

[SusanBAnthony]

Feb 14, 2013 12:18:43 GMT -5 looseseal said:

I agree it's horrible they had to travel so far to receive medical treatment. I haven't kept up on this issue, so I'm not sure if anyone has stepped into Dr. Tiller's shoes since his death.

A new doctor either is currently in the process of reopening, or just did reopen.  

[darnkatz]

Now I'm sitting here sobbing. I hate that this happens to parents, and I hate that our stupid laws make it so difficult to get a medical procedure done in a humane and kind way. It's infuriating.

[imojoebunny]

This happened to a friend of mine, both pediatricians. There baby had the amniotic band syndrome. She described it to me after she had an abortion at 22 weeks. She never told me that she had an abortion, at the time, just the condition of the baby, only two years later was she able to tell me that the baby had not died, but that they had aborted it. That syndrome is horrible. I hate that my friend had to make that "choice", but I admire her for doing so. They desperately wanted a child, I can only hope that people understand the agony with which it is made and respect that medicine needs to be able to provide the best care for the mother and for the baby who was not made to live.

[Kristinmo]

Feb 14, 2013 12:41:18 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

This happened to a friend of mine, both pediatricians. There baby had the amniotic band syndrome. She described it to me after she had an abortion at 22 weeks. She never told me that she had an abortion, at the time, just the condition of the baby, only two years later was she able to tell me that the baby had not died, but that they had aborted it. That syndrome is horrible. I hate that my friend had to make that "choice", but I admire her for doing so. They desperately wanted a child, I can only hope that people understand the agony with which it is made and respect that medicine needs to be able to provide the best care for the mother and for the baby who was not made to live.

There was a woman on the bump who aborted in the 2nd trimester due to amniotic band syndrome.  Her story was heartbreaking.

[Deleted]

Feb 14, 2013 12:44:22 GMT -5 ruxin said:

Feb 14, 2013 12:21:19 GMT -5 sushi said:

Dr. Carhart in Omaha was taking many of his patients in the immediate aftermath. I believe now they're reopening Tiller's clinic with a new doc, but I have no idea who it is, or if there is even one yet.

Looks like it should reopen this spring under Julie Burkhart, but will only provide abortions up to 14 weeks.

www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/02/trust-women-foundation-julie-burkhart-george-tiller

I'm pretty sure state law has changed in KS to disallow late term abortions.

I'm glad that Wichita will at least be served by standard service.

[soozy87]

What a terribly sad story.

[meshaliuknits]

Feb 14, 2013 12:09:38 GMT -5 mominatrix said:

<abbr data-timestamp="1360861778000" class="time" title="Feb 14, 2013 17:09:38 GMT -5">Feb 14, 2013 17:09:38 GMT -5</abbr> mominatrix said:I'm a little infuriated that these people had to drive all over Hell's Kitchen to get a medical procedure.

I cannot agree with that enough.

[Anne Blythe]

I wish that I could hug that man. And Dr. Tiller. The cards... Dignity, and Respect... It's just... heartbreaking.

[earlgreyhot]

Why aren't more doctors stepping up and offering the procedure. I think it's ludicrous that doctors will recommend a procedure yet can't offer it.

Makes me so, so sad.

[Jermys]

God, the description of Dr. Tiller's clinic takes me back. I'd completely forgotten the security guard, but I will never forget the letters on the walls. And the absolute kindness of the staff.

[sushi]

Feb 14, 2013 22:12:41 GMT -5 earlgreyhot said:

Why aren't more doctors stepping up and offering the procedure. I think it's ludicrous that doctors will recommend a procedure yet can't offer it.

Makes me so, so sad.

Read Susan Wickland's memoir www.amazon.com/This-Common-Secret-Journey-Abortion/dp/1586486470 and then tell me why you don't think doctors do it. Also, look into how many medical schools even teach the procedure anymore.

After that, look into how many states so severely restrict the procedure that a doctor cannot actually provide appropriate medical care.

[sushi]

Feb 14, 2013 17:14:53 GMT -5 Anne Blythe said:

I wish that I could hug that man. And Dr. Tiller. The cards... Dignity, and Respect... It's just... heartbreaking.

Everything I've ever read about the guy told me he was the epitome of compassion. He was a model for me before I went to nursing school, and again as a student (that's when he was shot, which actually made me cry, and that pretty much never happens). Nothing about this story surprises me about him.

[earlgreyhot]

Feb 15, 2013 1:15:42 GMT -5 sushi said:

Feb 14, 2013 22:12:41 GMT -5 earlgreyhot said:

Why aren't more doctors stepping up and offering the procedure. I think it's ludicrous that doctors will recommend a procedure yet can't offer it.

Makes me so, so sad.

Read Susan Wickland's memoir www.amazon.com/This-Common-Secret-Journey-Abortion/dp/1586486470 and then tell me why you don't think doctors do it. Also, look into how many medical schools even teach the procedure anymore.

After that, look into how many states so severely restrict the procedure that a doctor cannot actually provide appropriate medical care.

I get that and understand it. But I just think if more doctors stood up to do it, then there would be a greater community to support each other. Because stories like this are happening every.single.day.

Clearly it's a very naive point of view, underestimating the zeal of some antiabortionists. But again, it just makes me so sad. And angry that a bunch of misdirected idiots have that much power to stop other women and families from receiving legitimate care.

[shadow]

Is there a list somewhere of all of the medical complications that could result in the need for a late term abortion? I'd like to have a reference that I could use when arguing in support of late term abortions b/c saying "there are lots of medical situations" is just not convincing enough for some.

[sushi]

Feb 15, 2013 13:07:20 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Feb 15, 2013 11:07:59 GMT -5 shadow said:

Is there a list somewhere of all of the medical complications that could result in the need for a late term abortion? I'd like to have a reference that I could use when arguing in support of late term abortions b/c saying "there are lots of medical situations" is just not convincing enough for some.

LTA's are only 1% of abortions performed because they are so rare.  They're generally done because of fetal health problems, not maternal health problems.

Off the top of my head, HELLP, eclampsia, and placenta accreta.  Placental embolism is really, really rare-- but a Bumpie did die of it a couple years ago.  Very, very, very sad.

Except, most of those they would deliver early and hope for the best for the baby. Not the same as an abortion.

[sushi]

Oh, they would, but I thought LTA was defined as post viability, so 17 weeks wouldn't count toward the stats. Or maybe as post 20 weeks when they make the switch from miscarriage to stillborn. Or I could be making up a definition that doesn't exist