Anyone Else with a Partner with Strong Opinions?

[Deleted]

MH is driving me crazy.  I told him after the appointment tomorrow, I need to take some time off from the TTC conversation.  I just need some time to decide what it is I want. 

This devolved into world war fucking three.  I almost never cry and ended up running out to my car in the middle of the day today in tears because I just couldn't take it any more. 

He won't consider adoption.  Doesn't want to "whore" himself out and has fears that the child would be taken back away by its birth parents.

He's now all gung ho on donor sperm.  Honestly, I don't know how I feel about this and coupled with my diminished reserve issues, I don't know how much it would take to get there or how far I'm willing to go.  It's been a week since I found out about the diminished reserve issue and I just need some time to work through it all.  He started reading a book on donor options and keeps bringing it up.

If we end up child free he's now dead set on changing careers (and up until the past few days always said he loved his job) and finding something with a lower earning potential.  He doesn't want to live like 65 year olds.  He says he's bored, but doesn't have the time to get involved in anything new.  He doesn't want to volunteer or take up a new hobby because those were my suggestions and have now become me trying to control his life.  He now doesn't want to travel because he's decided he hates to fly.  He tells me he needs more of a social life and that his current life has no purpose. 

He wants to stop going to therapy and refuses to go on any more medication, I'm really not sure where the meds comment is coming from.  I'm not a doctor, I'm not suggesting he go on meds, it's not my call.  He keeps telling me I'm trying to control his life and we are just going to end up child free because I'm going to take too long to make a decision. 

I have my second opinion tomorrow am with the new RE and almost don't want him there at this point. 

[mae141]

I'm sorry. Maybe he just needs some time and he'll calm down a bit. IF is so stressful. Good luck tomorrow.

[BNL2]

Hugs bonsoir. This is such a stressful journey and it's really not fair for him to take options off the table nor pressure you down a path you're unsure about. I'm sorry you're going through this.

DH and I were at a similar place a year ago. We've gotten better at communicating with eachother but we're still not 100% on the same page. IF has definitely been hard on our marriage.

[G22]

I'm sorry. I definitely think my H processes this whole journey differently than I do. It involves a ton a big decisions that aren't easy to come to a decision just like that.

[degal99]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with this. Children are a sticking point for my husband. And while I could probably be OK being childfree, I know he couldn't. Luckily, we're pretty much on the same page. He'll divert to me in terms of what kinds of treatments we use (as I've mentioned before, I'm unsure if IVF is right for me), but we are both OK with adopting.

Good luck communicating. It sounds like he might be having a "come to Jesus" moment with himself. He may just need to work out all those emotions. ::hug::

[ilovecandy]

Hugs. I am so sorry you guys are having a rough time.

H an I definitely discussed and disagreed on our options. I was have always been a little a fearful of iui and Ivf and not sure I wanted to do it. With our unexplained diagnosis the doctors were really trying to push me towards iui. H was all hung hi at first but after more discussions slowly came to my side. IF is rough on a marriage

[Cheesecake]

I'm sorry you're going through this. That sucks!

Sent from my phone, please disregard typos!

[changedname]

Hugs Bonsoir. It sounds like he is trying to cope with all the news in his own way and having a little crisis. IF is so hard and DCH and I have definitely had our moments.

[HoneySpider]

((hugs))

[KaraOrNot]

I am sorry that you are going through this. How did your appointment go?

H is the opposite. He doesn't want to talk about it at all. I have to force him to have a conversation and basically lay out exactly what I want to do and he goes along w/ it. I know he would tell me if he didn't agree w/ a plan, but I always feel like I am making all the decisions and am never even sure if he cares.

[Deleted]

KaraOrNot - Appt went well. Although, MH is refusing to speak to me today. Thankfully, he's out of town this week for work - just have to make it through the weekend. I really need break from all this. Talking about IF is the only thing he can talk about lately. I keep telling him it's too much and it's stressing me out and then it's either silence of yelling. I'm exhausted.

[Deleted]

My advice to you is "do not engage" and give him a timeframe for when you're interested in discussing again. Honestly, you've laid out that you need a break and are not up for talking about it anymore. Yes, it's his "child" too, but you're not saying that you're never going to discuss it again...you just need to take a break. Note: I'm 36-almost 37 - I get a time crunch.

So, he brings it up? You answer a different question.

DH: "What donor sperm do you want to use?"

You: "I need to not discuss this until next Friday. I need you to respect that. I don't want to start a pregnancy or continuing this journey with being resentful that you won't respect my boundaries, and I'm getting there quite quickly. I think that we'll have chicken for dinner, sound good?"

[genet313]

Feb 21, 2013 21:14:02 GMT -5 degal99 said:

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with this. Children are a sticking point for my husband. And while I could probably be OK being childfree, I know he couldn't. Luckily, we're pretty much on the same page. He'll divert to me in terms of what kinds of treatments we use (as I've mentioned before, I'm unsure if IVF is right for me), but we are both OK with adopting.

Good luck communicating. It sounds like he might be having a "come to Jesus" moment with himself. He may just need to work out all those emotions. ::hug::

This.  As you know, TTTC is a whirlwind of emotions.  Sounds like your DH is just experiencing them all himself too.  I would just let him vent, and when he's calmed, you guys can have a calm, reasonable discussion....hugs until then.