Two completely unrelated etiquette questions

[jinkies]

Since I'm too lazy to start two different threads, I will just ask both here:

1. My son was invited to the birthday party of my friend's daughter. He is almost 5, it's her 6th birthday. he doesn't really know her very well, but it's a bowling party so I thought he would have fun. We rsvp'd yes. This week, my friend called to say that the time had been changed. It now conflicts with my son's Sunday School class. Realistically, he could skip this week. But, he looks forward to Sunday School all week, and he doesn't know about this party at all yet. He probably wouldn't know my friend's daughter by name. Is it crappy to say we're not coming to your kid's once-a-year party because he's going to Sunday School, which he goes to every week?

2. We found a very, very friendly cat without a collar in our driveway this morning. It was 28 degrees here, and the cat clearly wanted a home, so I let him in my house. What I am supposed to do now? Knock on all my neighbor's doors? Call the SPCA to report a found cat? Put up signs? Let him back out and hope he finds his way back home? We can't keep him for more than a day or so because we have our own, unfriendly cat and it's a pain in the ass to keep them apart. I'm not sure what to do with him, though. 

[verycontrary247]

1. I don't know
2. Is there a room you can put new cat in by himself? Yes, I'd call around to report found cat, post it on Craigslist, call Animal Control to pick it up. I wouldn't just let him back outside.

[papie]

1. How about you ask your son if he wants to go to Sunday School or to the birthday? Then if he wants to go to SS, just tell your friend that. 

2. Can you bring him to a vet to check for a microchip? Also call local shelters to report a found cat, send a picture.  I would let him out if you can't locate the owner (he may find his way back home), and then let him come back if he wants. He may just be a very friendly indoor/outdoor cat. 

[nomad100]

1.  Just let your friend know that with the time change, you DS can no longer attend the party.  No need to tell her why. 

2.  What the PP said.  I would also see if your vet can check for a microchip.  Maybe put up some flyers in your neighborhood as well.

Please don't send him back outside in the freezing cold.

[peanut2202]

1. Can you do both? Just show up late to the party? If not, I'd say go to the party because you committed to it already, and if she's paying for food and the bowling I think it would be rude to be a no show.

2. Post on Craigslist with a picture if you can take one. Contact local shelteres as well.

[soozy87]

1. Yes, it is fine to tell her your son can't come.
2. Knock on the doors or put up signs.

[Deleted]

1. You aren't saying no because of Sunday school, he has a previous commitment at that time and can no longer go to the party. Changing the time a week before creates that problem. Not the time of Sunday school.

2. If you can't take the cat to a vet/animal shelter yourself call animal control to pick it up. It's too cold to send it back out in hope it has a home.

[papie]

Maybe it is just here, but people let their cats outside all the time. I know people who don't even own a litter box, because the cats go outside. 28F is not that cold...I would let him back in, but I wouldn't feel bad letting him out to see what happens.

[ECB]

1 - ditto what was said - just say that unfortunately he can't come due to a prior commitment. She changed the time - I'm sure she expects that this may affect people's ability to come.

2 - I'd call local shelters.

[Captain Serious]

1. I think it's fine to say your son can no longer make the party, but since this is *your* friend's daughter, I might first ask if they are expecting a bunch of kids to attend. I'd hate to back out only to find out that almost no one went to the girl's party, but if there are a bunch of people, she'd likely never notice who didn't come.

[jinkies]

Thanks for the feedback. Happily, the second question just resolved itself. The cat's owners came looking for him. He lives on the street behind us, and is apparently just a super friendly indoor/outdoor cat who frequently slips out of his collar. Considering that I fed him and let him snuggle in the recliner with me, I have a feeling he may be back for visits.

For the party, we unfortunately can't really do both with the new party time. It's probably about an hour drive between the two places. I lean toward Sunday School because he tends to be really shy, so given a choice between hanging out with 4 or 5 boys he already knows well at Sunday School, or attending a party of a girl he barely knows, attended by other girls he doesn't know at all-- he would almost definitely choose Sunday School.

I really just wanted to hear that it's not crappy to back out at this point.

[Deleted]

Have the cat scanned for a microchip.

Since when is 28 degrees outside not cold pp? JFC

[peanut2202]

Feb 22, 2013 12:59:29 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Thanks for the feedback. Happily, the second question just resolved itself. The cat's owners came looking for him. He lives on the street behind us, and is apparently just a super friendly indoor/outdoor cat who frequently slips out of his collar. Considering that I fed him and let him snuggle in the recliner with me, I have a feeling he may be back for visits.

For the party, we unfortunately can't really do both with the new party time. It's probably about an hour drive between the two places. I lean toward Sunday School because he tends to be really shy, so given a choice between hanging out with 4 or 5 boys he already knows well at Sunday School, or attending a party of a girl he barely knows, attended by other girls he doesn't know at all-- he would almost definitely choose Sunday School.

I really just wanted to hear that it's not crappy to back out at this point.

Knowing that, my opinion is now different.  I'd give your friend the heads up asap though in case she's expecting to pay for food/bowling for your son.

Not crappy.