Post by shostakovich on Feb 26, 2013 13:12:14 GMT -5
Slate has a new advice column, Gentleman Scholar, that's written by their television critic Troy Patterson. Here is his advice to a bone-head, that's making me consider bumping James Franco from my list of 5 (article here):
Im 45 years old and cant decide if i should divorce my wife—a woman stunningly gorgeous and who will love me forever—or try to keep playing in the young mans game and try to find a 25 year old hottie to love ... problem is , at 45, my best years are behind me. Im good looking and have a solid career, am charismatic and a good catch. But my "pull" is less than what it was at 35 when i met my current wife and she fell in love with me.
But i am looking for Miss Universe looks - what my wife has -i afraid i just cant stay faithful for too long i love women too much.
Dilemmma'd in SoCal,
Bill
The Gentleman Scholar would like to thank his Golden State correspondent for writing—but is writing too strong a word? It would be chivalrous to interpret your letter’s unorthodox punctuation as a sign that its contents represent the
impulsively blurted daydream of a total mensch. If this is the case, then surely you have already come to realize the universal nature of idle Miss Universal fantasies, and you’ll have a good chuckle reflecting on the chain of circumstances by which the Miss Universe Organization fell into the short-fingered hands of acclaimed vulgarian Donald Trump. If your letter was purely speculative and you are halfway self-aware, then you already see that it combines a juvenile grumble about monogamy with a middle-aged shriek of terror at mortality. Perhaps seeing your id so rudely rendered helped you to put things in perspective and to develop a new appreciation for your wife’s many charms, physical and otherwise, even after all these years, the unruliness of the libido notwithstanding.
But if your indifference to the apostrophe instead reflects the mind of a boor, I recommend that you check out Beverly Hills Rent-A-Car, which is offering a 20 percent-off online-booking discount through the end of March. Book a convertible. (I’d go for the ’64 Corvette Stingray, but your tastes likely differ, as they are the tastes of someone who has sent the above email from his work address.) Take it out for an easy weekend of cruising along the PCH, and gliding down over Mulholland, and winking at chicks at stoplights and the whole thing. And while idling in traffic on the 405, ask yourself, seriously: What kind of jackass sends an email like that from his professional account???
If this course of action leads you to a path of spiritual renewal, that’d be great. If it leads you to believe that owning an awesome convertible will express your virility to the world better than any eye candy, then adhere to the time-honored midlife-crisis tradition of purchasing an awesome convertible. And if you cannot shake the belief
that the world would be a better place if, on your personal drive through life, you had a late-model bikini model riding shotgun, then you are one of the world’s true jackasses and you must accept it as your fate to begin a trial phase of sleeping around. It is not unlikely that some hotties in your area are currently offering 20-percent-off online-booking discounts.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente