Ask Amy- the ultimate poor choice in baby naming

[julez]

I can't even imagine what would make anyone think this is a good idea.  Unbelievable.

Dear Amy: I lost my baby daughter a little over nine years ago when she was 4 months old. I still have trouble dealing with this, despite counseling and therapy, but I do my best.

My best friend recently had a baby and gave her daughter my baby’s first and middle names. She knows I have had trouble dealing with my loss. I feel so hurt and disrespected by her doing this.

Her daughter is now 2 months old, and I have not seen the baby (or her). I don’t take her calls. I feel as if I can’t be around her or her daughter because the name will keep my baby in my head. What should I do? How do I let her know how I feel without coming across as confrontational?

Amy says: I can’t imagine why your friend has done this, but there is nothing confrontational about being honest and asking a question.

You say: “I’ve been keeping my distance because I feel so sad every time I think about your baby and mine having the same name. Can you tell me why you made that choice?”

She may tell you that she thought this would honor your child’s memory. If she says this, you’ll have to tell her she is very mistaken and that it makes it hard for you to be around them.

[cheeseandcrackers]

NOW that is a bitch move

[alzi]

That is messed up.

[MWOS]

You know how nobody owns a name and nobody can call dibs on a name?

Uh, turns out they can.

[Deleted]

That seems sick.

[gretchenindisguise]

omg, what a snatch. I cannot imagine doing this.

[Deleted]

That is awful!

[Deleted]

That poor woman I would be avoiding my friend at all costs too :\

[poppyseed]

Omg. That "friend" is a disturbed individual.

[pinkeggs]

Not only is it cruel, but..I don't know, would you want to name your baby after one that had such a short life? It's just so sad.

[julez]

First AND middle name. I just can't get past that. Holy crap.

[cleo29]

The fact that she used both the first and middles names... what a cunt dragon. That person would not be my friend anymore.

[Kit]

What the hell is wrong with that lady? There is no good reason to do this, EVER. Under any circumstances.

[nightandday]

a cunt dragon for sure

[Deleted]

That's indescribably awful.

[anastasiabeaverhause]

How awful and sad! I couldn't even begin to think that would be a good idea!

[Wrath0fKuus]

My first thought was that she did it as a sort of tribute and memorial to honor her friend's daughter. You'd think it would be discussed, though.

[VillainV]

Feb 26, 2013 14:42:04 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

My first thought was that she did it as a sort of tribute and memorial to honor her friend's daughter. You'd think it would be discussed, though.

Yeah, you would think, if it was a memorial, she would ask the LW if it was okay...not just, you know, DO IT.   I can't imagine how painful it must be for that poor mom.

[Wrath0fKuus]

I could even see it being a surprise. But.. you'd think she'd say something about it after the baby was named, right? Weird.

[hbear]

I don't care how much you love a name, some names are just off limits. This is one of them.

[luckyval]

I can understand wanting to do it as a tribute, but a good friend would definitely discuss it with you first. That had to be so painful for that woman to hear

[speckledfrog]

Oh my god. That poor woman.

[Deleted]

I keep on coming back in here because I'm being more and more appalled about the whole thing.

[emoflamingo]

I had two friends in high school that this happened to. Only the baby in question was stillborn and the new baby arrived less than a year later. The first mom messaged me and said "just wanted to let you know, in case she asks, that I had to delete her because I couldn't see the baby's name anymore. It was too upsetting." (I'm close to both of them, but they aren't super close to each other anymore.)

I still think it was a dick move, 3 years later.

[Jermys]

That poor woman. A nice tribute is using the first name as a middle name. AFTER asking the grieving mother for permission.

My mother did this with my name. I'm named for my aunt who died young. She didn't discuss it with my grandmother, who broke down in the hospital after meeting me, saying "I can't handle another Annie. It's too much." which is why I have gone by my middle name since birth.

[Deleted]

A true best friend would never have let such a thought (name) cross her mind or if she did, immediately dismiss it as she would know it would cause her friend that much more gut-wrenching pain.

A semi-decent friend would have have perhaps mentioned it as sensitively and tactfully as possible - but doing so only to HONOR her friend's child and, of course, completely understood when said friend said, thank you for wanting to honor her, but please don't. Otherwise, why in the hell would they even think of using that name?

Under normal circumstances, no one OWNS a name but when it's a tragic circumstance like this? That supposed friend had no business using that name - ever - I don't care if it was her favorite name or her husband's favorite name or even if it was to honor her BBF's child's memory.

A special place in hell should be reserved for this colossally cruel and heartless bitch.

[daisybuchannan]

This is horrible.

I have a story that is similar (though not as horrible bc it's not about a baby. My family had a very beloved dog that ran away (later found out she was killed by a neighbors dog). My mom's good friend got the same type of dog and named her the same name. The name wasn't a typical dog name (it was a first and middle name). I always wondered why she did that.

[daisybuchannan]

This is horrible.

I have a story that is similar (though not as horrible bc it's not about a baby. My family had a very beloved dog that ran away (later found out she was killed by a neighbors dog). My mom's good friend got the same type of dog and named her the same name. The name wasn't a typical dog name (it was a first and middle name). I always wondered why she did that.

[textbookcase]

Awful