Crazy in laws strike again - vent

[Deleted]

A relative is having a baby shower this weekend. I am not going because I have been studying for my certification test and have put everything' off. I need a day to catch up on homework and house work. My in laws never miss a free meal. My sister in law just texted me with a million questions about why I am not going. I told her the truth. I don't get what the big deal is its not their shower.

[melindafelinda]

I'd be sad if a relative of mine didnt come to my baby shower to catch up on housework.

[Deleted]

I don't even see the person who is having the baby. Haven't seen them in over two years. . They won't miss me. Trust me. I am sending a gift it sounds mean but that is all they want.

[underwaterrhymes]

Yeah, I'm with melinda on this. My family would give me shit too if I missed a baby shower for this reason.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:18:43 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Yeah, I'm with melinda on this. My family would give me shit too if I missed a baby shower for this reason.

My in laws give me shit about everything I do.

[melindafelinda]

Feb 26, 2013 22:18:43 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Yeah, I'm with melinda on this. My family would give me shit too if I missed a baby shower for this reason.

My MIL would not only question the shit out of me, she would make sure she told everyone at the shower I was not there because I wanted to catch up on housework.

[vicky]

Didn't you post about this before? I would try to figure out a way to go to the shower or maybe think up a better excuse next time.

[EmilieMadison]

Feb 26, 2013 22:20:40 GMT -5 daisy0721 said:

Feb 26, 2013 22:18:43 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Yeah, I'm with melinda on this. My family would give me shit too if I missed a baby shower for this reason.

My in laws give me shit about everything I do.

So how about once in a while you do something they ask you to do. Like take a few hours out of your day to go to a family member's baby shower. 

[Deleted]

Or sue, she could just...Go?

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:22:28 GMT -5 vicky said:

Didn't you post about this before? I would try to figure out a way to go to the shower or maybe think up a better excuse next time.

My excuse is the truth I have a ton of homework and I honestly can't be in my mother in laws presence. None of the other cousins received an invite due to wrong addresses and being asked a week ago.

[underwaterrhymes]

Feb 26, 2013 22:21:01 GMT -5 melindafelinda said:

Feb 26, 2013 22:18:43 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Yeah, I'm with melinda on this. My family would give me shit too if I missed a baby shower for this reason.

My MIL would not only question the shit out of me, she would make sure she told everyone at the shower I was not there because I wanted to catch up on housework.

LOL.

I don't think I'd hear it from my in-laws so much as my own mom. We don't actually live anywhere near relatives anymore, so I have more legitimate excuses for missing stuff like this now. But when we were close? I was at all of the showers.

Granted, I relish using happy family events to escape housework.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:26:02 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

How long did you know about this shower though? I would guess you knew about this for at least a couple of weeks.

A week.

[melindafelinda]

You probably shouldn't have posted this at all.

[vicky]

Sometimes the truth is a sucky excuse.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:23:02 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

you get to say no .Showers are not weddings; they're lighthearted little parties, and you should be able to say no without the third fucking degree.
Do what you need to do, and enjoy your day. I wouldn't go.

Thank you!!!

[wrathofkuus]

How close a family member is it? That matters, I think. If it's someone you only see at funerals, weddings, and showers, I'd skip it. If it's someone you actually know well and see at holidays, go.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:29:27 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

How close a family member is it? That matters, I think. If it's someone you only see at funerals, weddings, and showers, I'd skip it. If it's someone you actually know well and see at holidays, go.

Funerals, weddings and showers if at all. They rarely go to anything.

[daisyheadmaizie]

Feb 26, 2013 22:26:22 GMT -5 daisy0721 said:

Feb 26, 2013 22:22:28 GMT -5 vicky said:

Didn't you post about this before? I would try to figure out a way to go to the shower or maybe think up a better excuse next time.

My excuse is the truth I have a ton of homework and I honestly can't be in my mother in laws presence. None of the other cousins received an invite due to wrong addresses and being asked a week ago.

You can't be around your MIL at all? 

[underwaterrhymes]

Look, I'm not opposed to her not going if they're not close.

But I don't think it makes her in-laws crazy for feeling that she should attend.

There are some horrific and laughable stories of crazy in-laws on this board.

This is not one of them.

[melindafelinda]

Feb 26, 2013 22:32:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Look, I'm not opposed to her not going if they're not close.

But I don't think it makes her in-laws crazy for feeling that she should attend.

There are some horrific and laughable stories of crazy in-laws on this board.

This is not one of them.

Agreed.

[mskitkat]

1 week's notice, a relative you haven't seen in years, and a MiL you can't stand to be around? I'd have skipped, too. I wouldn't have given a reason, though. "Sorry! Love to, but short notice and I already have plans." They don't need to know the plans are housework.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:33:05 GMT -5 mskitkat said:

1 week's notice, a relative you haven't seen in years, and a MiL you can't stand to be around? I'd have skipped, too. I wouldn't have given a reason, though. "Sorry! Love to, but short notice and I already have plans." They don't need to know the plans are housework.

I told the girl I called it was to short notice. I told my SIL that I had to catch up on homework and stuff around the house. My mil is very controlling and criticizes everything I do. None of the other cousins are going so I would have to sit with besides her and my SIL.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:37:41 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Did you seriously tell them that you need to catch up on house work?

No not to the host.

[wrathofkuus]

Lol, yeah, that does sound like "I have to was my hair."

[lime]

I'm with SueSue; I wouldn't go in this situation either.

[lola]

I think you need to listen to Sue, and learn to pick your battles with your MIL. You outed yourself here, so you have to live with them being annoyed. In the future, a "No, I can't make it. Thank you so much for the invite, I'll be thinking of you!" will suffice.

As far as your MIL goes, if you don't like her, you don't like her. If your H is ok with your level of involvement/non-involvement with his family that's really all you have to worry about. But, you MIL (or any of your ILs) only have as much control over your emotions as you let them. You need to work on getting to the point where you really don't care, as opposed to just saying you don't care (which it sounds like is where you're at right now).

[mskitkat]

Feb 26, 2013 22:38:12 GMT -5 daisy0721 said:

Feb 26, 2013 22:33:05 GMT -5 mskitkat said:

1 week's notice, a relative you haven't seen in years, and a MiL you can't stand to be around? I'd have skipped, too. I wouldn't have given a reason, though. "Sorry! Love to, but short notice and I already have plans." They don't need to know the plans are housework.

I told the girl I called it was to short notice. I told my SIL that I had to catch up on homework and stuff around the house. My mil is very controlling and criticizes everything I do. None of the other cousins are going so I would have to sit with besides her and my SIL.

I fully understand. My MiL is a psychotic harpy. There would have to be a pressing reason TO attend if it meant spending close time sitting with my MiL. Funeral, yes. Shower of a person I rarely see? No.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:43:47 GMT -5 lola said:

I think you need to listen to Sue, and learn to pick your battles with your MIL. You outed yourself here, so you have to live with them being annoyed. In the future, a "No, I can't make it. Thank you so much for the invite, I'll be thinking of you!" will suffice.

As far as your MIL goes, if you don't like her, you don't like her. If your H is ok with your level of involvement/non-involvement with his family that's really all you have to worry about. But, you MIL (or any of your ILs) only have as much control over your emotions as you let them. You need to work on getting to the point where you really don't care, as opposed to just saying you don't care (which it sounds like is where you're at right now).

MH doesn't care if I go either way. I agree with the saying I don't care. I have to really not care. I just have had it with her trying to control everyone including MH. She controls my fil, SIL ad Bil it's bad. They do nothing without running it past her. They don't go to the store without her knowing. I can't deal with that.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:47:05 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

Feb 26, 2013 22:38:59 GMT -5 daisy0721 said:

No not to the host.

Did you give this excuse to your ILs?

I told my SIL I had a lot of studying and homework to do.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 22:51:16 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I view showers as one of life's necessary evils. I hate them, but I go. Sometimes it really makes people feel good when you show up to their event, regardless of how often you see each other.

You sort of made your bed here when you told MIL why you weren't going. You need a better poker face with her.

She will get over and move on to something else to be mad at me about.