The polite decliner

[murdock]

I'm in the phase ( I guess) of politely declining invitations having to do with baby showers, first birthdays, etc...

It's only to 3 events coming up over the next month, and I've made a pact with myself that it must end there.

Anyone else been there? I'm being a jerk, I know. The last time, I excused myself to the bathroom 4x because my eyes were about to well up ( no one saw). I'm the Debbie downer.

[G22]

I haven't had the chance to decline any yet, but my BFF is having one soon so I know I'll get that invitation soon. I'd like to go to hers, but I live 1000+ miles away so I don't know that I'll be able to go anyways. But I have a few local friends that are pregnant, and I'm sure one of them will have a shower or something. I don't know what I'll do.

Confession: I've kind of been avoiding doing something with the one friend. She knows about our TTTC and flippantly told me she was pregnant again right after we finished our volleyball season this fall. Not that I wasn't happy for her, but it was like a slap in the face. I don't know. So I've been avoiding hanging out with her because I don't want to see her pregnant. I feel a bit like a jerk for doing that.

[lola]

A good friend of mine told me yesterday she is pregnant. She got married in November, honeymooned in January, and is six weeks pregnant right now. I actually felt really bad for her, because I could tell she felt bad even having to tell me.

[murdock]

@gumby that's too bad that you're so far from your best friend.
Thanks for sharing your confession, I don't think it's bad. It's hard not to feel that 'dang' sometimes.

lola
Aww, your friend sounds so sweet and caring. One of my closest friends felt bad telling me about her second one being on the way while back. I felt bad that she felt bad. And around we went.

[purpleme]

I do this sometimes...I have hard time at baby showers and kids birthdays because so many people just keep on asking me "whats taking so long" "hurry up already" " what are you waiting for" It makes me stabby and ragey...

Do people really think that I am choosing NOT to have kids...I'm 38 years old! OF course, I want kids...it just hasn't happened for me yet!!!

Damn people work my nerves!

But yes...I totally understand you girl!

[discogranny]

I have skipped a couple of showers but generally my attendance will be contingent on how much I like the person/other invited people. I have found that if fun people are attending then I can deal with the baby part pretty well. If not, I just don't attend but do send a gift to assuage my guilt. No one has to attend everything they are invited to, no matter what the reason. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Today, one month out exactly from my D&C, I got a shower invite in the mail, along with all of the bills for my betas at the RE. The shower is for an unemployed, unwed mother unsure of the paternity of her child. It was a real kick in the pants. I am also a jerk for even telling you guys those details but I will admit that the green monster was in my house for awhile tonight.

[murdock]

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate it!!
I don't feel as weird.

purpleme I'm almost 36 so I kinda know what you mean on the age thing. Grrr.

@disco I'm sorry about what came in the mail exactly a month later. F'ing Murphy's law. That sucks.

[azurely]

I hosted baby showers for both my college BFF and my SIL about 6 months after we started trying. It sucked a little, but I kept busy and survived.

Now, two years later, I'm at the point where most of my close friends and family have already had their first, so I get less invitations. I do have one friend who is pg with her first now, and I plan on being busy the day of her shower.

I don't feel like a jerk, or even a bitter Betty; I'm just doing what I have to do to deal emotionally. Going to a baby shower is painful when you're ttc.

[changedname]

Both my sils had babies last year so I had to be involved in throwing the showers and being so ^o) excited for them.  Then I had to go through the ordeal of "babies' first Christmas" the week after my injects cycle failed. yay.

It's hard and if they aren't family I would say fuck it and don't go. I did go to a friend's shower in October and didn't mind it too much as I tried to get myself into the mindset of "this is research for my baby shower!" but if you are not feeling it, don't go and don't feel guilty.

[rachelgreen]

I totally skip them on the reg. I even skipped both showers for one of my step-sisters and one for my step-sister-in-law. I am lucky enough to be able to use the "live out of state" card often (I'm bad I know.) Most people know about our infertility so they kind of expect it. There have been some that I've been in a good place mentally (lol) so I go. The good news is that once you start getting lapped for the 2nd or 3rd time for the same person, the initial announcement hurts but when the birth happens, it doesn't seem quite so bad. Silver lining I guess?