Religion/Catholic??

[cc]

I was an unwed mother and two of my children were baptized, no problem, so I'd imagine you could have your children baptized.

It sounds like you just got a crappy parish. Are there others in your area that you can try? The Catholic church I grew up in is pretty awesome and very welcoming.

[VeryViolet]

Wow that is terrible. DH and I looked at getting married at a Catholic church I grew up going to and they were very welcoming and basically we just had to do a weekend of pre-cana and pay the $1k church donation and $250 music fee and we could do it any open weekend. If it is important to you to get your child baptized I am pretty certain the Catholics do not care if you are your husband had a Catholic wedding since that isn't the "fault" of the child. I would definitely find a new parish though.

[Deleted]

My parents were married by a justice of the peace and I was baptized catholic.  My mom couldn't get communion when we went to church until years later when she and my dad had their "church wedding".  I'm pretty sure they don't punish babies.  LOL.  But I'm not catholic anymore so I don't know.  It's been about 15 years since I was regularly participating with the church.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Your parish sucks, find a new one. My nephew was baptized even though my sister wasn't married at all- the priest gave her shit for it, but what's done is done and isn't it better to Baptize the baby than not?

If you're dead set on getting your baby Baptized in that particular church, you can have your marriage blessed. People change their minds all the time, there's always a work-around.

[Deleted]

Mar 1, 2013 10:39:58 GMT -5 @chloe77 said:

You need to figure out what religion you want to be, first... I'm Catholic and couldn't imagine not getting married by a priest in a church. Not wanting a mass at your wedding, getting married outside of the church, not making regular donations (even if small), thinking about joining another religion -- seems like you're not that into Catholicism.

I also kind of agree w/ this.  If you don't want to actually BE Catholic, why are you trying to slide in under the wire and "technically" be Catholic by getting by all the rules?  

[tinybride]

I had a non-denominational ceremony because I'm catholic and DH is Muslim but I was still able to baptize our girls. Our third will be baptized later this year. My church gave me no problems.

[Captain Serious]

Mar 1, 2013 10:43:58 GMT -5 @sirsleepsalot said:

Mar 1, 2013 10:39:58 GMT -5 @chloe77 said:

You need to figure out what religion you want to be, first... I'm Catholic and couldn't imagine not getting married by a priest in a church. Not wanting a mass at your wedding, getting married outside of the church, not making regular donations (even if small), thinking about joining another religion -- seems like you're not that into Catholicism.

I also kind of agree w/ this.  If you don't want to actually BE Catholic, why are you trying to slide in under the wire and "technically" be Catholic by getting by all the rules?  

I DISagree with this.  Catholicism is about it's doctrine, and she says she DOES want to maintain that.  It is not about whether or not she gives enough money.  While it sounds like she's struggling with the parish's rules, that's not the same as struggling with the religion/faith.

I agree that you would be better off in a different parish.  I also believe that how much you tithe is a matter between you and God, and that the church should not be monitoring that any more than they would other behavior.  Which is why I never used an envelope while I was Catholic, and only do now because our (Lutheran) church never singles anyone out over how much/often they give.

Also, a lot of Catholic priests will "bless" your already-existing non-Catholic marriage, and by doing so, they are saying that the Catholic church accepts it as a valid marriage.  That should satisfy any requirement you may come up against if you want to have your children baptized in the Catholic faith at birth.

[thebamker]

I feel like you're making a lot of assumptions about the church and what they will and won't find acceptable. It is not as black and white as people tend to believe. why don't you go talk to a priest and find out the real story... then make your decisions???

[soozy87]

I hate it when religion and money mixes. That is not what faith and church should be about. Sorry that is what they are making it about for your family.

[Deleted]

That is insane about the donating. Awful.

I'd try again with a different church.

[coribelle26]

In my experience, parishes have been much more flexible about baptisms than weddings. (For example, many places will not schedule a wedding until you've been a member for six months to a year, but there's no such restriction for baptisms.) My friends are both confirmed Catholics but were not married in the Church. They just baptized their daughter in a parish that they don't even belong to.

I would try, but prepare yourself that they may expect you to join the parish if you're baptizing your child there. In all the churches my family has attended through the years, they never questioned us about the amount of our contribution. I know they do use the envelopes to determine the level of participation in Sunday liturgy, but we've had pastors tell us that we could even put an empty envelope in the collection basket if we are there but not able to contribute.

[Deleted]

I had no idea that was why people used envelopes. Do you put your name or other signifier on it?

When we went to church (Episcopal) about 2/3 of the people used envelopes and the rest, like my family, just threw money on the plate.

The more you know, man.

[winnied]

Find a new catholic church. A decent catholic church will not only permit your child to be baptized, they will welcome it. Sorry you're dealing with douches.

[Captain Serious]

Mar 1, 2013 11:54:11 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

I had no idea that was why people used envelopes. Do you put your name or other signifier on it?

When we went to church (Episcopal) about 2/3 of the people used envelopes and the rest, like my family, just threw money on the plate.

The more you know, man.

The envelopes are usually pre-printed with your name and/or other family identifier, and they come in year-long packs.  If you don't have pre-printed ones, you can use the blank ones provided in the pew, and fill your information out.

[sparkythelawyer]

I'd call the archdiocese wand tell them this story

[cc]

FWIW, My family was never questioned about donations. We mostly used those envelopes, but one was specifically for the Church itself to use (building, maintenance, etc.) and the other was for the charities.

When I talked to the Deacon about having my children baptized, they didn't mention tithing once.

It really sounds like you came across a bad parish, IMO.

[bluetopaz]

That stinks. That really stinks.

DH and I are both Catholic (him more so than me, I admit I'm not as devout), but we were married in a Christian ceremony by our good friend who is a Lutheran minister. We have yet to have our marriage blessed by the Catholic church, though we do want to eventually. That said, we had no problem having our son baptized into the Catholic church (we'd been living in the area for 2 years, but had never formally registered as members). We simply had to register with our local church, attend a meeting, and that was pretty much it. They were really kind, and never ever mentioned any sort of monetary donation was a requirement. I hope you can find a church that is about faith, not money (I'm sure that's flameful, but I hate when politics/money interfere with faith of whatever sort).

[ering1115]

Even though you had issues getting married, you will rarely have issues with a baptism. Honestly, its how the grow the Church so they are hard pressed to deny a baptism that will grow the parish roster.

I'm sorry you have had a hard time with the churches in your area. Is there a university near by? I find the churches attached to or near universities to be much better about the quality of life and understanding the issues with traditional parishes. We put our envelope in every week but it didn't make a difference for our wedding. I can see how it makes a difference for school tuition (they will get the $$ one way or another) but for a wedding (that most make you pay for anyway) that is ridiculous.