Wedding party vent...

[jennistarr1]

I"m with you...not annoyed that you're not in it but it's weird DH is and you're not when it's your brother getting married

[h]

When my brother got engaged, he asked my H to best man and my son to be the ring bearer. I was not asked to be in the wedding and never thought anything of it--I had only known my brother's FI for a few months at that point, while my brother and my H had known each other for 17 years. Frankly, I was kind of excited NOT to have to be in the wedding.

A few months into their engagement, the MOH wound up pregnant and due the day after the wedding and had to back out of the bridal party. My SIL bumped another BM up to MOH, then called me and very sheepishly asked me to be in the wedding. I was happy to do it.

[fbf2006]

I actually don't see it as a big deal.

[Deleted]

Mar 15, 2013 12:29:21 GMT -5 fbf2006 said:

I actually don't see it as a big deal.

Me either.  I think I'll probably be in my sister's wedding party if she gets married, but if I'm not I won't be hurt by it.  It's just not a big deal for me personally.

I was in my brother's as a BM and honestly it was terrible and I think damaged the relationship with SIL.  We (my sister and I) didn't know her well, she doesn't communicate well - so I think there were unstated expectations we didn't live up to - and instead of getting to know eachother better like I think she would it was just stressful and no fun for any of us.  Lots of reasons that had nothing to do with us, but wedding planning time is NOT the time to try and build a relationship.

[Deleted]

Yeah, I think this is dumb. I'd be annoyed too if I were you. Maybe I'm a minority, but I love being in the wedding party! You get to be a part of the occasion in a way that a regular guest isn't. It is expensive and extra work, for sure, but with Mr. Shortstax in the wedding there is that extra expense/hassle anyway. It would make more sense for the OP to be in the wedding INSTEAD OF her husband and I'd probably be hurt/sad if I was the only one excluded too.

[msmerymac]

I'd be mad at your BROTHER if anyone. I'm also close to my brother. So I asked him to be in my wedding, and stand on my side. He could have asked you instead of your husband. Or in addition to your husband.

But in general, it's probably for the best. You aren't doing anyone any favors by asking them to be in your wedding. 9 BMs sounds like my personal version of hell.

[ddi741]

When I was 13, my oldest cousin got married, Her brother was in the weddding, as was my sister and my other 3 female cousins. It stung. I was so hurt I wrote about it in my diary saying that when I got married, I would invite her husband but not her so she would know how it felt

[CallingAllAngels]

My feelings were hurt for like a week when I found out that I wasn't in my brother's wedding (he gave me away at my wedding). I I think it's fine to be sad. Hopefully, you will have a great time.

[glynn]

I would be happy. My H and kids have been in a couple of weddings and I was not included. I was glad.

[shortstax]

I agree my brother could voice his opinion, but I'm not going to lobby for it. Just venting on here

Complete side note-- they've only been engaged for 2 weeks and already have the location, photog, dj, and everything else booked. My guess is that she's been planning her princess day for quite some time

I think this may be a blessing in disguise!

[livinitup]

You dodged a bullet. You get to participate in all of the wedding-related events you want, and none of the ones you don't. It's perfect.

[fbf2006]

It's quite possible to do all that in 2 weeks. I don't think it's a good idea to try to assign some flaw to your future SIL just because of this wedding party situation.

[whosthatgirl]

Mar 15, 2013 11:05:13 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

Mar 15, 2013 10:54:44 GMT -5 whosthatgirl said:

This was the case in our wedding. DH had his BIL as a groomsman, but I didn't have SIL (DH's sister) as a bridesmaid, and their older daughter was one of our flower girls. I never even considered it. We're friendly, but not overly close. Why would I bump one of my good friends, just because the other two are in the wedding?

I'm not a big fan of being a bridesmaid, but I would be thrilled to not have that responsibility. Buy an awesome dress and actually enjoy the wedding!

FYI - sides don't have to be even. You wouldn't have had to "bump" anybody. You still would have been legally married at the end of the day.

True, but I still wouldn't have wanted her on my side. She's not my friend, she's my H's sister. If he wanted her in the wedding he could have chosen to have her be a GW. In my second post I stated that he did have a different GW, so it's not like I'm against women on the groom's side. I am against putting people in the wedding out of a sense of obligation and entitlement.

[blackcat]

My brother (only sibling) is getting married next month, I was not asked to be in the wedding and my feelings are pretty hurt. My parents are also kind of upset about it. He was in my wedding 3 years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of not asking him to be a groomsman. So... But I am kind of glad not to have to buy a BM dress.

[cjeanette]

This never would have occurred to me to be something to be irritated over.

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[explorer2001]

I'm the last person to ask because I did not find out my brother was married until he called my parents to tell them that his divorce was final and I happened to be there to overhear it when they our him on speaker phone. So yeah I'm over not being in the wedding but knowing it happened would have been nice I suppose.

[chia]

I don't have great input for you - but, you know, come to thing of it, maybe this is why my sil was kind of a pouty baby at our wedding. Hmmm.

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[noodleoo]

Huh, this post is reminding me ow crazy everyone gets over weddings. My SIL was mad that we didn't have her H in our wedding. Um, we didn't have my brother either and we had only met her H like twice. People are crazy.

[Deleted]

I would be annoyed at the inclusion of h and not me..but then would totally use it as an excuse to buy super shoes and killer dress with money "saved" by not being in the wedding party.