I'm annoyed at my brother's FI. I would never voice it to her or my other family members (they're all chatty) so I'll just voice it here
I have one sibling. My brother and I are pretty close, and I'm so happy he's getting married.
Anyways, they asked DS to be the ring bearer. He'll be adorable. I was half-expecting to be a bridesmaid, but instead she's having 9 sorority sisters. This normally wouldn't be an issue. Except, my brother "doesn't have enough guy friends" (direct FI quote) so they asked my DH to be a groomsman.
So they're both in the wedding, and I'm not---and I think that sucks. But I won't say anything to anyone. I'll just buy a fab dress and drink champagne
Think about all the money you'll save by not having to plan and pay for a bridal shower and bachelorette party and buying a dress you'll never wear again
I don't think it would bother me unless I were close with the BRIDE.
I'm sorry. I'd be really hurt if MH was in my brother's wedding but I wasn't.
It's bullshit that they're using your H just to even out the sides. That's one of my biggest pet peeves with wedding parties.
But at least you won't have to buy a one-time (and possibly ugly) dress, deal with 9 other women in coordinating a shower/bachelorette (seriously, this sounds like my worst nightmare), and you will only have to spend money on a dress (of YOUR choosing) and one or two gifts.
It's weird and annoying they're stealing your H but consider yourself lucky you don't have to be a bridesmaid. Chick seems high maintenance. And now your H can handle kid duty all day while you socialize and drink champagne. Win win.
Actually, i think this may be where my true annoyance lies. I think if it was a "Mr. Shortstax, we've grown close, I want you as a groomsman" instead of worded as a dig to my brother about not having "enough" friends.
I'd probably be a little hurt too, but I'd buy a dress that I think is more fab and flattering than a BM dress, have a laugh about the sorority sisters who have to throw the showers and the bach parties, and blah blah blah and just go have fun at the wedding.
I am not sure whether I'll be in my brother's wedding either. (He is moving in with his gf next month and I think it's probably heading that way.) It was really important to my mom that he be in mine, so he was. But we'll see.
I personally would be relieved. It was fun being a BM once upon a time, many weddings ago. But it's more fun to just show up at the ceremony and reception and relax, wearing what you want and eating when you're hungry.
I get that you're bummed out about being excluded from the WP, but think of all the positives (not having to buy a dress, not having to spend hours posing for pictures, etc.). I much rather enjoy the weddings where I've been able to attend as a guest and not a bridesmaid.
I'd be a little annoyed, but ultimately I would be happy to not have to buy a dress, ugly shoes, arrive at 9am for a hair appointment, throw a shower, and deal with nine bitchy bridesmaids. Consider yourself lucky for avoiding this train wreck.
Oh, I'm in a wedding next weekend and the groom's sister hasn't paid me for her share of the shower that was two months ago.
I'd annoyed but probably roll my eyes at the thought of 9 BMs. I think it's weird to even-out sides like that. If anything it makes more sense to have girls on his side than asking random guys. Ditto OPs, try to revel in the fact that you don't have to wear an ugly, uncomfortable dress.
I'm probably a bit biased b/c our family bridal parties are almost entirely family. I think it makes the most sense - that way you're not looking at pictures 10 years later and explaining who the strangers are in matching clothes.
ok, you ladies are making me realize there's a huuuuuge silver lining to this situation
You're right, the coordination for showers and stuff would be a nightmare. Now I can show up and eat cake. This is one of the 824598 reasons why I love MM.
Actually, i think this may be where my true annoyance lies. I think if it was a "Mr. Shortstax, we've grown close, I want you as a groomsman" instead of worded as a dig to my brother about not having "enough" friends.
What a crappy thing to say about your future husband.
Like @notquiteblushing said, I'll bet this girl is high-maintenance and dramatic. Be glad you don't have to deal with her as a BM.
I'd be jumping for joy to NOT be in the wedding. I could wear what I wanted and not have all that added expense of specific shoes to match the ugly dress that I could never wear again, hair, makeup, etc...
I'd be jumping for joy to NOT be in the wedding. I could wear what I wanted and not have all that added expense of specific shoes to match the ugly dress that I could never wear again, hair, makeup, etc...
I'll bet that this girl is the type who'll be requiring matching shoes and hairstyles.
We had a similar situation. Well, in that DH didn't have a lot of guy friends and I already had all my girl friends at BMs. So we had H's sister be a groomswoman. I think she was more comfortable being in his side of the party anyway (along with her other brother).
In your situation, I'd probably feel sad too that everyone is included but me. But after planning a wedding, I know how hard it is on the couple to make these kinds of decisions. And I am so done with being a BM (too much money, work and you have to wear a crappy dress). I'd spend the money on a fabulous dress that I love and enjoy not being tied up all day! I'm assuming you'll be with the wedding party most of the time anyway for family pics and stuff, so you'll be included, you just wont' have to deal with all the crap. Win win, I say!
Post by HoneySpider on Mar 15, 2013 10:11:39 GMT -5
Oh I would totally be upset! I have one brother also and I couldn't imagine not being in his wedding. Why can't you just stand up on your brother's side? I know that's not traditional but I've seen it a lot more recently.
Oh I would totally be upset! I have one brother also and I couldn't imagine not being in his wedding. Why can't you just stand up on your brother's side? I know that's not traditional but I've seen it a lot more recently.
This would be my suggestion, but given that the bride to be is adamant about having an even number of BM and GM, she would probably freak about having OP on the groom's side.
Oh I would totally be upset! I have one brother also and I couldn't imagine not being in his wedding. Why can't you just stand up on your brother's side? I know that's not traditional but I've seen it a lot more recently.
This would be my suggestion, but given that the bride to be is adamant about having an even number of BM and GM, she would probably freak about having OP on the groom's side.
True.
I can't stand when the bride gets her way on everything in a wedding...it is BOTH of their days and if OP's brother wants her in the wedding, then they should be able to find a way to make that happen.
I'd be very tempted to make passive-aggressive digs within earshot of the bride about how your H is simply a warm body in the wedding party because she values even sides more than honoring friendships.
This would be my suggestion, but given that the bride to be is adamant about having an even number of BM and GM, she would probably freak about having OP on the groom's side.
True.
I can't stand when the bride gets her way on everything in a wedding...it is BOTH of their days and if OP's brother wants her in the wedding, then they should be able to find a way to make that happen.
Then it's on OP's brother to nut up and say something to his future wife, like "shortstax is standing up on my side with me. Deal with it."
Post by whosthatgirl on Mar 15, 2013 10:54:44 GMT -5
This was the case in our wedding. DH had his BIL as a groomsman, but I didn't have SIL (DH's sister) as a bridesmaid, and their older daughter was one of our flower girls. I never even considered it. We're friendly, but not overly close. Why would I bump one of my good friends, just because the other two are in the wedding?
I'm not a big fan of being a bridesmaid, but I would be thrilled to not have that responsibility. Buy an awesome dress and actually enjoy the wedding!
Post by whosthatgirl on Mar 15, 2013 11:00:36 GMT -5
I should add that DH also had a grooms woman. Had he wanted his sister on his side I would have been fine with it, but I wasn't giving up one of my 4 slots when it was already hard for me to narrow it down.
I can't stand when the bride gets her way on everything in a wedding...it is BOTH of their days and if OP's brother wants her in the wedding, then they should be able to find a way to make that happen.
Then it's on OP's brother to nut up and say something to his future wife, like "shortstax is standing up on my side with me. Deal with it."
Yes, I agree. I could not tell from the OP what her brother had done/said about the situation.
This was the case in our wedding. DH had his BIL as a groomsman, but I didn't have SIL (DH's sister) as a bridesmaid, and their older daughter was one of our flower girls. I never even considered it. We're friendly, but not overly close. Why would I bump one of my good friends, just because the other two are in the wedding?
I'm not a big fan of being a bridesmaid, but I would be thrilled to not have that responsibility. Buy an awesome dress and actually enjoy the wedding!
FYI - sides don't have to be even. You wouldn't have had to "bump" anybody. You still would have been legally married at the end of the day.
Post by formerlyak on Mar 15, 2013 11:27:12 GMT -5
This happened to me with ex's mom's wedding. His two sisters and his step-sister (the daughter of his deceased step dad, not the new one she was marrying) were in the wedding. DS was in the wedding. I was not. Turned out to be a good thing because ds was 3 and freaked out about walking down the aisle alone, so I ended up having to be his escort and didn't have to stand up there being a bridesmaid the whole Catholic mass! Win - win!