How is your H handling IF?

[linz]

Has he been a strong supporter thru the process, or seemed a little distant at first but has gotten closer? Do some men not get it or maybe take a hit to the ego since they pry assume you have sex and bam your pregnant?

[Deleted]

Mine is a mess. He wanted a child more than I do and I view our IF situation as maybe it's just not meant to be. My has a very rare genetic condition with Y chromosome deletions rendering him sterile. He took that very very very hard. He's angry and bitter and combative. He wants the journey to be black and white, which it's not. It's been tough on him and really hard on our marriage. He sees an IF counselor and we started marriage counseling last week. It's going to be a long hard road for us.

[changedname]

We are a lot closer since IF. Honestly ,that is the best thing that has come out of this. We used to have terrible arguments like every 2 weeks about stupid stuff and now I can't remember the last time we argued. I think it because we are in this together and feel like a team. Dh doesn't really like talking about IF or anything but he is there for me. Today he sent me a text" Good luck with your shot this morning. I can honestly tell you that you are without a shadow of a doubt my hero for doing what you are doing, I love you so much".

I feel lucky that he is so supportive. It was a nightmare getting him to do his sperm analysis etc but he did in the end. He also surprised me by secretly saving $4K to pay for our ivf.

[lola]

My H has been GREAT until the last few cycles. I think he really thought it was just going to happen for longer than I did - I have up hope MONTHS ago. lol.

Yesterday there was an ad for Grey's on - "Will Mer and Der have a boy or a girl?!?!!?" and my H was like, "We're not watching that. Nothing with babies. No more!" I think he took my BFN yesterday harder than I did.



I feel bad, because I don't know what to say to make it better.

[G22]

My H has been awesome throughout. He was really proactive when we first found out about his issues and had his varicocele surgery without me twisting his arm or anything. Now that we are dealing with my issues, he is there when I need to talk/vent. But I'm kind of bad at bottling my emotions and then they all burst out at once and I have a good cry. He's the one stuck cleaning up the mess and consoling me. He tries to understand why its so hard for me, but since he's a guy he really can't...I take getting AF harder than he does. But he's still bummed when she shows up.

But he takes a more logical/financial stance than me. I'm like "let's doing this thing" regarding starting meds and IUI, whereas he is more like " is this really going to be our first step". Overall he's been great though.

[mae141]

My H has been great. He's very supportive. He sees how upset and worked up I get, and he does whatever he can to help me because he just wants me to be happy. He's a roll with the punches kind of guy, so if we end up not being able to ever have children I think he would be okay with it, but he knows that I would not be okay so he's willing to do whatever it takes. I also kind of wonder if he doesn't understand that this may never happen.

He's kind of a wuss when he has to give blood though.

[KaraOrNot]

In general, H is very guarded about things and he doesn't like to talk much. So honestly, I am not sure how he is handling it. Initially, when we got his test results, he was upset, but I don't even know if the thinks about it anymore. He does get noticeably pissed when he has to have a SA and when his urologist gave him a surprise exam.

[speyedr]

My H has been my rock through all of this. He is the one that keeps me grounded when we get bad news. When we got a MFI diagnosis he told me that he was hoping it was a problem on his end rather than mine because he thought he could handle the news better than I would have if it had been something on my end. He is so supportive, did his two SA's without complaint. I could not imagine going through this with anyone else. He is totally open to whatever we have to do to get pregnant and I feel incredibly lucky.

[ilovecandy]

H has been good. I think he is actually way more into my charts and all that more than me. He is constantly asking me when i ovulate and when my expected period is. Sometimes it is actually a little overbearing.

[BNL2]

It has been a rollercoaster. We fought a lot in the beginning because neither of us were good at communicating our disappointment. DH tends to suppress his feelings and shut down. So he would shut down and I would scream and cry and it was ugly. Now he works really hard to talk about his feelings but it's hard for him. I don't think I'll ever really know how hard this has been on him but I know he's disappointed every month just like I am. He's much more optimistic than I am so he truly believes this will all pass and we'll be parents. That attitude is what keeps me going most days.

[discogranny]

My DH was also the one who wanted to TTC more than I did. Up until the m/c after IVF, he was dealing very well. He just kept positive and just kept believing it would happen. These days he gets upset about it more easily. He makes cynical comments to our friends when they ask about kids and last week we had to leave a younger family member's birthday party because he was getting emotional about being the only people without kids in attendance. He will be 30 in two months and I really feel like that will be very hard for him as we started TTC when 30 seemed so far away.

It's been hard to see him change his outlook after all this time, but really, I can't blame him.