YOU CAN HELP MY COLON STOP SHOOTING FIREWORKS?

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

I have IBS.  Do you want me?

People have been talking shit about dairy.  True or false?

If it changes anything, my toddler had awful diarrhea when she started drinking cow milk (she had been on sensitive formula) so she is on Lactaid.

Also:  I can talk about my rancid, rotting poop here and y'all won't mind.  True or false?

You probably don't want me now.

My colon doesn't either.

 The realization that this is a sad colon is HILARIOUS to me.

[Deleted]

We absolutely want you!

It is very true that dairy is a common trigger. I use to have issues with it, went dairy free for almost ten years, and for the past year I've slowly added it back and I have been able to tolerate it with moderation, though, so there is always hope!

True. Feel free to tell us all about your poop. Have you tried flushable wet wipes? This board introduced them to me and they are heavenly.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

I would like to know about your bidet.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

I MIGHT have just yelled WOO out loud when I saw the squirter.

I don't know about all that. I was NOT a fan of the vag squirter in the hospital post-partum. Is it at least warm? How do you get warm water to the toilet? Don't you jump?

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

lulz. I was GOING to ask if it shoots water up your ass, and it was like a colonic, and we're going to have to get elle on this shit, but I thought that would sound stupid (as if I worry about that the rest of the time).
I can't have cold on my crack. I CAN'T USE THE WET WIPES.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

This all sounds terrifying. It sounds like the puff of air the eye lady blasts into my eye. I can't take that. She gets so mad at me. It takes me half an hour to let her puff my eye, and I'm covered in tears and look like I'm having a seizure. But this is cold water up my ass.
I also am pretty sure I want one.

[Deleted]

you and your sad colon are welcome!

dairy in moderation (and only hard, aged cheeses and yogurt with live cultures) seems to be okay so far. gluten, on the other hand, is the devil. I've gone completely gluten free (and cut out alcohol, caffeine, soda) and I'm starting to feel like me again. it just sucks when you go to a party and you're like  OH, CHIPS. beer. cupcakes. fuck.  (wilted)

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

You guys are telling me I can't have mac and cheese, ice cream, caffeine, cupcakes, or ALCOHOL?

I've got to decide if emotional torment or ass torment is worse.

[Deleted]

carrotsmakemefat I am! started last week and only cheated for one meal - my grandma's 70th birthday party!

I haven't tried any GF imitation-gluten products yet, but I'm certainly looking forward to it for special occasions - I would die for a cupcake! my friend's birthday was last night and she had a cake and mini cupcakes. I resisted but it was so hard, haha.

so far my MO has been lots of chicken, rice, melon, avocado, and sweet potato. tonight I'm going to try overcooked carrots (GI doc has me on low residue, which means little/no fiber. it makes it a little more difficult because I can't do most veggies or fruits, which would be obvious GF choices).

I ate a lot of bread before my surgery. a lot. and even more beer. and every time I had beer my stomach would hurt - I really do wonder how much of that was wheat. it was hard to pinpoint at the time because I was just always in pain. I've had no abdominal pain or random, loud bowel sounds since I've gone GF. hoping this sticks!

[Deleted]

Mar 24, 2013 11:20:13 GMT -5 Ohhmm(bligo) said:

You guys are telling me I can't have mac and cheese, ice cream, caffeine, cupcakes, or ALCOHOL?

I've got to decide if emotional torment or ass torment is worse.

I have IBD, so it's a little different.

I didn't know I had Crohn's until last month so I always chose food over comfort (kraft please!). I didn't realize that I was exacerbating the problem and causing irreversible damage to my intestines, which is the problem with IBD (with IBS you basically have a "normal" GI tract that isn't functioning right). I had 1.5 feet of my small intestine removed and have a scar from the bottom of my ribcage to my pelvic area that isn't completely closed yet. I'd like to not repeat that if it all possible.  

[caramia]

Welcome! You can all about nasty poop, abdominal pain, & your sore butt and we'll understand

If it makes you feel better, I have names for different types of poop. Like, oh god, that's an ass-tearer, or a tar poop, or a slimy floater. See, you're no longer alone!

PS. Ass-tearer wanted to autocorrect to ass-teaser. I feel like that's not a good sign...

[Deleted]

Mar 24, 2013 12:18:12 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

Tacom - I would 100% send you a GF cupcake if you are OK with sending me your addy. No joke. I plan to order some for a family event next weekend. Just let me know if you prefer vanilla or chocolate.

oh my gosh you are too sweet! thank you for the offer. you don't have to go through the trouble for me, but you did just inspire me to google GF bakeries and it looks like I have a few options here in Chicago! my birthday is next month so I pointed my boyfriend to those sites. thanks!

[Deleted]

Mar 24, 2013 16:48:02 GMT -5 Catlawdy said:

Mar 24, 2013 11:20:13 GMT -5 Ohhmm(bligo) said:

You guys are telling me I can't have mac and cheese, ice cream, caffeine, cupcakes, or ALCOHOL?

I've got to decide if emotional torment or ass torment is worse.

I will still have all that in moderation. I don't think I can take coffee at all anymore, its not worth it, but I can still handle a little of the rest.

Me, too. I've found that sometimes all I need is to cut out certain foods for a couple of months, and then when I slowly add them back into my diet I tolerate them better again.

[anna7602]

Ditto all above. Talk about poop as much as you want.

Re: foods, the only things I cheat on these days are wine and coffee. That probably speaks more to my current lack of a therapist. I honestly don't know how I would get through the day without caffeine since I am a night owl. And I don't know how I would deal with all other kinds of stuff without a few glasses of wine per week to relax me. (Plus, it's very MM to spend under $10 each on a few bottles of wine v. upwards of $100 per therapy session weekly, no?)

Otherwise, I have realized that no food is worth my system constantly going nuts. I have been mostly dairy-free for 15 years or so. As others said, I only eat cheeses and yogurt with lots of bacteria/cultures to ease their transit through my digestive track. I have learned to make substitutes for things I crave, like making creamy sauces with a yogurt base instead of actual cream or cow's milk or whipping up my own mac & cheese with soy milk.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

I got lactose free everything at the grocery store tonight. I figured I'll start with that, and if I don't see any changes, I will cut out wheat and see how that does.

[Deleted]

good luck! I'm curious to see what ends up working out for ya.