Oh, am I going to have some Bump gems for you soon

[redheadbaker]

Someone started a thread on my BMB, asking if other unmarried moms/mom-to-be's felt judged because they are unmarried. 

Someone responded, "I was raised to do the right thing. Get married buy a house then have a kid. "

I asked her why her way was "the right thing." 

And got: 

"I wouldn't want to be one of those raggies (if you don't know what the term means, it means people who live off of state and welfare and dresses poorly, etc etc...if you live in Connecticut, you would know what I mean).  I like to live my life the right way and I would expect to teach MY kid the RIGHT way too.  I would be pissed off if they got pregnant before they get married.  Who knows what obstacles they would go through.  Also, for people like my husband and I who have been TTC for FIVE years and sitting back and watching people who are "not married" get pregnant right off the bat, that also pisses me off.  So if you don't like my right way of things, then that's your problem.  I didn't ask for your opinion."

She is bound to produce LOTS of C&P-worthy thoughts these next few months!

[ttt]

[redheadbaker]

Mar 24, 2013 11:38:35 GMT -5 @mx said:

Well it's true. If you don't buy a house before having a child your kid will be born with three arms. Fact.

And every unmarried woman who has a baby takes a baby away from a couple struggling with infertility. 

[chickadee77]

Ha! That's my BMB, too. We've got some gems, that's for sure!

[Deleted]

Sigh. She's fun.

I don't understand extra-marital babies like I don't understand people who run marathons. It's cool that they do what they want, I just don't get the appeal.

For me commitment goes least to most 1. Marriage 2. Joint property 3. Babies as rated by ease of getting out of the situation and changes to one's life overall. I'm quite the romantic as you can no doubt tell;)

[bronxgirl]

Maybe the reason I can't get PG is because I haven't bought a house first. I'm obviously not doing things the right way.

[MrsAxilla]

How about the chick who had professional photos taken to announce her pregnancy? Is this a thing now?!?

[ttt]

Mar 24, 2013 13:52:33 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

How about the chick who had professional photos taken to announce her pregnancy? Is this a thing now?!?

Only if you've bought a house first!!!

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

[orangeblossom]

I would be tempted to day, so you didn't have premarital sex then, or you you only judge when premarital sex results in a baby. Glass houses and all

TTTC is tough, so I'd likely not respond to that. However, I really can't stand that line of thinking "I can't have what I want, so anybody I consider beneath me or unworthy, should not get what I want. It's just not fair."

[sushi]

What if I don't buy a house or don't have a kid? Is my marriage not right yet?

Also, what about being a single mom means you're a lazy welfare queen?

If raggie really a common term? It sounds offensive, and I've never even heard it before.

[jln]

Is this October or November?  I'm totally going over there! 

[emilyj]

FTR, I was born and raised in CT, and I've never heard the term "Raggie".

[jln]

That's a fun bunch over there.

[heyjude]

She doesn't think someone married and w/ a mortgage can't also receive welfare? Has she not picked up a newspaper since oh, October 2008?!

[jln]

Mar 24, 2013 18:09:21 GMT -5 heyjude said:

She doesn't think someone married and w/ a mortgage can't also receive welfare? Has she not picked up a newspaper since oh, October 2008?!

She doesn't sound like a reader, kwim?  She probably has her husband do that for her.

[heyjude]

You should share this article w/ this woman: m.cnbc.com/us_news/100582664

[heyjude]

And this:
www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2012/06/suburban-poverty

[Deleted]

I'd like to learn more about her "right way" of doing things so I can adjust my life accordingly. I mean, I was married before having DD, but we didn't buy our house until she was 18 months old. I don't want to screw up my life any more than I already have.

[pixy0stix]

She sounds fun to invite to parties.

[Deleted]

Lovely.

What about this quote also in that thread?  Do people still go to college for four years (at these costs!) just in case they get divorced or widowed?

I don't judge people who aren't married because I know that there are so
many relationship dynamics out there. I was raised in a very
oldfashioned home where you get an education, get married, and then you
have kids. The woman's place is at home with her kids and the husband's
place is head of household and the breadwinner. The woman should be
submissive to her husband, blah blah blah. Any deviation from that isn't
"right" only causes problems.Having that drilled into my head for so
many years has only screwed me up, especially now that I know better."

Then later:

NRyan55:

Seems like a waste of money to get an education if you are just supposed to stay at home and make babies.

"Getting an education is important just in case you have to work
or if anything happens (death/divorce) you'll have something to fall
back on and be able to support yourself and the babies you've popped
out. It's not so much that you're supposed to have a ton of kids as it is that as their mother you should be a homemaker.

I'm
living that life right now and agree with you completely NRyan. I am
proud of myself for finishing school and getting my Bachelor's, but I
hate that I haven't been able to do anything with it. I don't like
wasting time or money so it's been a huge source of frustration and
guilt for me. I constantly feel like a failure even though I've done
almost everything "right" in regards to the way I was raised.

Like
I said, being raised that way has screwed me up. It's become more
apparent as I get older because I never really felt that I fit that
"mold" but it was what I was taught that you're "supposed to do. So it's
still something I struggle with and feel conflicted about on a daily
basis.

It's like how I was told growing up that women have no
business in head
positions in anything like businesses or church because that's
"backwards". However, that's a whole other can of worms. Then again my
family would (and has) attribute my issues/personal struggles to me not
living for God anymore (their standards of Christianity)."

[annieblah]

Mar 24, 2013 18:32:36 GMT -5 heyjude said:

And this:
www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2012/06/suburban-poverty

Economist is probably written at too high a reading level.  How about something from USAToday?

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Mar 24, 2013 21:03:42 GMT -5 annieblah said:

Mar 24, 2013 18:32:36 GMT -5 heyjude said:

And this:
www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2012/06/suburban-poverty

Economist is probably written at too high a reading level.  How about something from USAToday?

Or Highlights?

[Deleted]

Mar 24, 2013 18:32:36 GMT -5 heyjude said:

And this:
www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2012/06/suburban-poverty

Uh, I just want to say WTF to the lady in this article.  As a family we took a huge pay cut when the recession hit.  If you can work, you work.  I cannot imagine a scenario where I would go to a food bank over finding a job beneath my old one in order to make ends meet.  If those jobs were available, obviously.  Not because going to a food bank is shameful - but I wouldn't want to take food that people who COULDN'T work actually needed to survive.  That is so weird to me. 

[Deleted]

It's hard to even get worked up about this.  It's like getting angry at a 3rd grader.  

[imoan]

I live in CT and have never in my entire 32 years here heard the term "Raggies".

[Melissa W.]

Me either, imoan.