I did not sleep last night

[Muddled]

My grandmother died.


It's a good thing. We've been waiting for this for about 5 years.
She was no longer functional. She didn't know what was going on around her. She couldn't idenfity even herself in photos. She wasn't really living. She was a shell.

So why can't I stop crying?

[partiallysunny]

I'm so sorry, muddled. It's okay to cry, even if the death was expected. I knew my grandmother was very sick when she died. I knew it was going to happen soon. I also knew she wanted to die. I still cried my eyes out for days. You still need to mourn, no matter the circumstances.

[BatB!tch]

Omg I'm so sorry to hear this. It's always hard to lose someone, even if it's expected.

Hugs&Ts&Ps to you, muddled.

[Muddled]

I'm just so sad. It's not even rational.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry Muddled. Even if you know it's coming, it's still hard when it happens. Loss is always the suck.

[bowies]

{{{HUGS}}} Muddled. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Grief isn't rational, it's emotional. It's OK to cry.

[neonpink]

I am sorry. It's hard even if they weren't themselves anymore.

[Muddled]

Thanks.

[cuddlyevil]

{{{HUG}}}

Just because it's expected doesn't mean it will be any easier to bear.

If you need anything, let us know.

[captainmel]

Muddled, I am so sorry. Dimensia is so hard to deal with. I think the mourning process for things like this is just as hard even when you know it is coming. You are not only mourning the immediate loss of your Grandmother but you are mourning the loss of the person she was before the disease took her away from you.

It is ok to cry and it is ok to hurt. It would be weird if you didn't feel that way.

[wrathofkuus]

[margarita]

I'm sorry Muddled. It's okay to cry. Feel/grieve how ever you need to right now.

Every loss is different, and I've sometimes found that the ones you're expecting can be a lot tougher to deal with, for some reason.

(((hugs))) We're here for you.

[kaneen]

Mar 25, 2013 9:23:09 GMT -5 Muddled said:

I'm just so sad. It's not even rational.

Grief is not rational.  Give yourself some time.  Death is sad even when it's expected.

[PinkSquirrel]

I'm sorry Muddled

[fussbucket]

I'm so sorry muddled. Even if she was not well, it's still understandable to cry at the thought of a world without her in it. It's a change and an adjustment and one you're free to feel sad about no matter what. I'm sure there were a lot of emotions pent up during her period of decline that are now all coming out at once. It's normal and understandable.

Thinking of you and your family!

[smock]

I'm sorry, muddled. Please allow yourself to be a little irrational right now. Grief is a strange beast, and it's best to just let yourself feel it.

[Muddled]

THanks, guys.

It's just weird. I knew that everytime I saw her could be the last, but I still expect her to always be there.

[smock]

Muddled, that position of being in limbo can be very emotionally taxing. It's like you think everything might change at any minute, and yet the uncertainty stretches for so long that you're simultaneously over-prepared and under-prepared.

[Muddled]

Mar 25, 2013 16:31:07 GMT -5 smock said:

Muddled, that position of being in limbo can be very emotionally taxing. It's like you think everything might change at any minute, and yet the uncertainty stretches for so long that you're simultaneously over-prepared and under-prepared.

This is true.

My mom is so calm. I don't know how. In some ways I am sure a weight has been lifted for them.

I feel like hormones must be playing a role here. Yes, that's it. It's all hormones!

[gault]

Oh muddled. I'm so sorry.

When someone has been a constant in your life for so long, it is shattering when they're no longer physically with you. Even with dementia.

[woodiedog]

Dear Muddled. I am sorry.
You loved your grandmother. It's OK to cry. It's OK not to cry. It's OK to cry at the most inopportune moments!

I lost my mom last month at 91. I didn't cry when she died. (It was a blessing, she was suffering.) But, when I went to CVS a couple days after she died, I started crying, because I had spent so much time there getting things for her. I automatically thought "what do I need to get for mom?" and realized she wasn't part of my life anymore, I broke down.

Be gentle with yourself. Hugs.

[motzie]

I'm so sorry Muddled. There is no rationality in grief. Big hugs to you, sister.

[starrieskies]

I'm WAY late to this, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss... And as others have said, don't worry about WHY you are crying. You need to cry, and that's ok. You're dealing with a loss, and everyone does that differently. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to drink wine, drink wine. Do what you need to do to grieve.