Married....with kids :-) or :-| or :-(

[karinothing]

I don't think things have really changed. Except we don't go on dates as much (or have sex has much ha ha). My DH is also really laid back. I just asked DH if he thinks I give him less attention since the baby. He said the only thing that changed is sometimes I disappear to the other room to put the baby to bed. Ha ha.

I guess (aside from sex) I always wondered what people meant when they said their husband felt like they needed more attention. DH, I , and the baby are pretty much always in the same room together (if we are all home and awake). We are always talking and interacting with each other, which is pretty much how it was before the baby. However, we have always been 50/50 on chores/cooking so I feel like it is the same way now. I suppose if he needed me to do everything for him it would be different.

DH also grew up with a pretty absent dad so I think he tries to be very very involved. I have no plans to go on an overnight trip w/out DS but even if I wanted to DH is pretty anti-no baby trips.

I will say DS was an extremely easy baby (Like he was never once cried for longer than it took to change a diaper or put a boob in his mouth). DH also stayed home for three months, which helped a ton IMO.

[sweetnsour]

It has been a little rough for us after #2. Alone time has been nonexistant. We don't have a lot of family close by that are able to help us out. We are stressed a lot and paying for two in daycare/preschool is driving me crazy. All of that said, my husband is still my best friend, we just need to bring back some alone time.

[sweetnsour]

I wanted to add our division is 50/50 overall but not everyday. Some days I do most of it and some days it switches to him. We both pull our weight to make it a little easier just not always at the same time.

[ilikedonuts]

Nothing has really changed. I'm a SAHM so I always end up doing more overall in terms of laundry, dishes, etc, but DH will do anything I ask just like before baby. He also helps 50/50 with DD.

Kari, I always wonder about the attention thing too. But I never did anything above and beyond for my husband. He can get his own drinks, food, etc from the kitchen. He never asked me to do anything special for him (outside of something stupid like getting him a certain kind of lunchmeat or something).

A ton of girls on my BMB FB group are having HUGE issues, but its because their husands are the laziest selfish MFers on the planet. I don't think that magically changed when they had a baby. I'm sure they were always like that.

[karinothing]

May 12, 2012 9:21:20 GMT -5 @barefootbarista said:

I don't know, but it seems like little things such as bringing them a drink, fixing him a snack if you are getting one, little shit like that. Or even stuff like getting dressed in outfits they like. I dunno....seems like the things that seem trivial to us that maybe men make a big deal out of.

TMI, but we got it on last night and my boobs leaked, my legs needed a shave and I had my scarf on my head. He literally does not care as long as it is on and popping. I was like, dude I need to pump and shave. He was like, save the special shit for next time. Lol!

Ha, well I think I still bring him a snack or drink if I am in the kitchen or getting one for myself. I never really dressed up at home (pretty much always wear pajamas/lounge clothes).

I do think I am lucky that DH is so laid back though and I can honestly say I think having DS made our marriage stronger.

[sweetnsour]

May 12, 2012 9:26:26 GMT -5 @barefootbarista said:

May 12, 2012 9:23:04 GMT -5 sweetnsour said:

It has been a little rough for us after #2. Alone time has been nonexistant. We don't have a lot of family close by that are able to help us out. We are stressed a lot and paying for two in daycare/preschool is driving me crazy. All of that said, my husband is still my best friend, we just need to bring back some alone time.

How old is number 2? is a babysitter an option?

I love DDs babysitter. She has a son the same age, a great house with lots of age appropriate stuff and an Elem. Ed major. I'm glad I found her.

#2 is 18 months. We keep talking about getting a babysitter but haven't yet. I wish I knew someone. I have been looking on care.com but I am a little nervous about that.

[sunnysideup]

Things were rough in the beginning for us because DS came early, was in the NICU, and then was really unhappy/colicky/didn't sleep well for quite a few months. Now that he goes to bed around 7 each night and usually STTN, we get some down time together and things are better. DH would always like more sex, though!

We know we're really lucky because we have family nearby and my mom is always willing to babysit.

The roughest thing for me is being a SAHM because I didn't originally intend to be and unless I physically leave the house DH expects me to do all baby related things.

[cvillern]

It was pretty rough for us right after we had DS1, to the point that I thought we would never stayed married. I think we both just had a hard time becoming parents and making that adjustment. Things got a lot better when DS1 was a year old. Now we also have an 8 month old and our 15 year old niece and I think our marriage is stronger than ever.

We are starting to make alone time more of a priority too which is amazing.

[tardyfortheparty]

We have a date night out at least once per month which has been huge. DS is 3 yrs 2mos and we have only missed one month getting out which has been something good to look forward to. In fact we are going out to see Hunger Games tonight.

Our kids go to bed early (before 7) so the evenings are ours which has beeen good for us to keep the marriage a priority. A lot of evenings we work out after we put the kids to bed ( p90x or a yoga video or 30 day shred)...this gives us a shared hobby and time together to catch up. We really try to make the marriage a priority.

We hope to get away for a night sometime this year as well...we did when DS was a baby & that was wonderful.

[dcrunnergirl]

A lot has changed in our lives, but not much has changed between us. We probably spend more time together and we always were 50/50 with workload, and that's still the case. Having twins brought us closer together and made us work as a team, and now we're even stronger. The real key to all this is an early bedtime for the LOs to give DH and I some alone time each night.

[hedgiecrazy]

I think we're still doing well. I try to still do the same things I used to do for him, like getting super going so he can eat when he gets home. Sure, some days I can't finish it until he gets home to entertain Ivy, but I do as much as I can. I think he appreciates that I still make him a priority...just like I appreciate how much he helps with the baby without my having to ask.

Maybe part of why it's different for us compared to some is that we're both gamers. So we know if we want to game together we have to work as a team to take care of the kid and keep her occupied and such. I've read sooo many complaints about husbands ignoring their kids for video games, it just astonishes me. But I'm guessing in those cases, they were always like that.

[megs193]

We definitely fought a lot more for the first year of DS's life. It was mostly my fault because I had post partum anxiety. I essentially tried to micromanage how he took care of our son. He got frustrated and stopped helping so I was annoyed because he never helped and he was annoyed because everything had to be done my way. I finally recognized that the way I felt wasn't normal and started going to counseling. Things are a million times better now but I am scared about what will happen when the new baby comes. I already feel my anxiety increasing again but at least this time I will know what is going on and be able to get help sooner.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

It's been an adjustment. Our situation might be a little different though. We moved across several states when DS was a little over 2 months old. We had to get used to a new area, a bit of a different culture, and make new friends. I left my career to SAH, which is really hard to go from being independent, making my own money to relying on H to provide everything. All that on top of adjusting to parenthood...it hasn't been easy.

H's schedule changed recently and he's off Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. He's working 12-hour days now, but because of his three day weekends, it feels like we get more family time. The new schedule is also great because we can take DS to Mother's Day Out on Tuesdays and we get five hours to do something as a couple, lunch date, get it on, whatever. The new schedule has made things a lot easier for everyone.

[Deleted]

Not much has changed besides the fact that we have sex less often :-P We went through an adjustment period in the beginning but we found our groove and we're having a blast.

DH is laid back as well and he does his best to help with the baby when he is home. I do 90% of the work but I SAH and don't think that is unfair. If DH can't help, he will hire help so I can feel less stressed about it (aka cleaning service, babysitter, etc). I am a very lucky gal.

[hannamarin]

My H has always been lazy and messy. I just put up with it and we were okay. I was pretty laid back about it. We both loved to have lazy Saturdays in our pjs. But now, with the baby, obviously you cant be lazy. It has taken him some time to realize he needs to pull weight around the house. When I go back to work, he is going to have to do even more.

[SusanBAnthony]

I would say that for the first year after each kid, I have hated H. Not all the time, but fairly frequently.

This was largely sleep-related, as we apparently only produce babies who don't sleep. So I am exhausted. Now the part that needs to change is that DH needs to do more to step up. Its hard to figure out a good balance with that, though, bc he works and I SAH. So the kids automatically want me. And, he is tired after work (and often needs to do more work after they are in bed) and he wants a little down time too.

All in all, things are fine. But we definitely have less time together than we used to. We are both ok with that, as we know young childhood is short, and before long we will be able to leave the kids at home (or they will be able to keep up on bikes) and go for a walk together in the evening again!

[drloretta]

Things were more stressful for a while, but I blame that more on our move than on a child. Adding a toddler to that situation definitely made things challenging.

[ilikedonuts]

May 12, 2012 23:39:35 GMT -5 @246baje said:

So far not much change.

Our division of labour is about 50/50 now it used to be about 70/40 before because I work more hours than he does and so he did more around the house and plus I don't vacuum- ever.

He is off for the summer and I started pumping early on and he takes the 3 am feeding. I think I actually get more sleep than he does because he will bring the baby, let me nurse and then change him and stay up with him when he doesn't go back to sleep.

H also does some things better than I do- like swaddling DS. We didn't have any family around for the first month so we really got closer I think.

Now we still do things together. Our date nights used to be going to the movies and we found a drive-in to see the Hunger Games and watched the Avengers at a mommy matinee. Both venues allowed for changing the baby and nursing him at will.

I haven't been cleared for sex yet so I can't speak to that aspect.

So you brought the baby to the drive in? Good to know I'm not the only one that did/wants to do that! DH is wary, but I told him that we can always leave (and only be out $15) if its a complete diaster.

[froggy76]

Our marriage is certainly different. We are a great team and we're having fun going through this experience together. We are getting along great and DH does more than his fair share. I would say our romantic relationship has taken a backseat, and that's ok for now. DD is 6 months old and I am starting to feel ready to put in the effort to be romantic again. My physical recovery was not great, so that's been a problem, but I'm starting to feel like my old self again.

Sent from my DROID3 using ProBoards

[josieposy]

The first year was a beast, but we got through it. We went from 0-2 in an instant. I don't know that we could have truly prepared ourselves for 2 demanding babies at once. Now that they are older and STTN it has gotten much better.

[badtzmaru22]

May 12, 2012 10:05:50 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

May 12, 2012 9:27:46 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

A ton of girls on my BMB FB group are having HUGE issues, but its because their husands are the laziest selfish MFers on the planet. I don't think that magically changed when they had a baby. I'm sure they were always like that.

I agree.

For us, not much has changed except for we don't have our time going out together anymore. We don't have family close by or friends that would be convenient to watch the baby so we can go out. But that's fine.

H has been absolutely amazing since the baby was born. He really does pull his weight and even a lot of mine when it comes to housekeeping and taking care of the baby. I'm very lucky in that way.

DH and I are adjusting well. I've always felt like we were a great team beforehand though. My BFF had a baby about a month before we did, and she and her H are having some major issues. While she was on leave, he'd come home and bitch about not having dinner ready, or the house being a mess, and she was all "your H will do the same, just you wait!" Um, no, DH knows how to cook for himself, and has the numbers for take out in his phone.

DH does have a pretty serious anxiety disorder, which of course flared up once DD was born (she is three months old now). I know he feels bad about not pulling his weight initially, but we are fine. It's not like he can help it, you know? We sometimes need to work a little harder to manage his disorder, but we've been dealing with that for years - adding a baby to the mix was bound to be a little crazy. We are lucky to have a great baby - she sleeps well, isn't very fussy... hopefully I don't jinx that!

[curbsideprophet]

We have probably snapped at each other more in the past 8 months since DD has been born than the previous six years of our marriage. I attribute it to lack of sleep. It is getting better as we have gotten more sleep. I suppose overall our division of labor is 50/50. DH definitely does his share, I can not really complain about that. Overall we are pretty happy, but having DD did change things.

[annieh2]

Our marriage is still good, but I notice a huge difference in how we react to each other when we aren't getting enough sleep. At those times, everything is strained and I am quick to snap at him. Luckily, he usually then takes over and makes me take a nap. I always apologize for my behavior and am working on not doing that anymore.
Now that our child is sleeping very well, life is good. very similar to before baby.

[bunch]

I should have answered this yesterday. Im generally very happy with my marriage. I agree with kirkette in that watching my husband as a dad has caused me to fall in love with him all over again. That said, this morning dd got up for the day at 445 and we have oot company so CIO to put her back down was not an option, so we were very snappy. I'd say that when sleep depravation isn't a factor, our marriage is fantastic. When it is, we both get a bit ugly.