Yelled at my toddler this morning :(

[hilwithonelary]

I feel horrible about it.

I've had a really rough time for the last week. I thought DD and I were finally doing great BFing, but then I found out she gained zero weight in 2 weeks. I'm now on an emotional roller coaster. Every day I can't decide if I want to EP, pump and supplement, just formula supplement and forget about pumping, or give up all together.

DH and I still haven't had sex, and I can tell that after 9 weeks he's getting impatient. We tried to fool around last night, and I just couldn't. I have zero sexual desire right now. I just feel so fat and disgusting. DH goes on and on saying really sexual things and telling me how much I turn him on. The more he talks about it, the more uncomfortable I feel.

I got about 4 hours of sleep the past two nights. I'm on edge, and I know it. This morning, DS didn't want to put his shoes on. I'm always so patient with him, but I just lost it and screamed, "You're making me so angry!" I immediately felt like crap. My mother yelled at me constantly when I was a kid. I swore I would never be like that.

I feel like I'm failing as a wife and mother.

[Deleted]

You're not failing. You're exhausted. Is there anyone you can call for for some backup? You need a nap.

[zeewifeandmama]

Awww don't be so hard on yourself! It sounds like you are super stressed and under A LOT of pressure...just one of those things that you listed ( BF'ing, taking care of two kids, no sleep, sex pressure from the hubby) would be enough...but ALL of them combined is really, really tough. Sounds like you could use a break if you can get one...just something to recharge your batteries.

Also, in reguards to yelling at your son. Girl, we have all been there. Frusteration happens and you can't change that it happened, so move on from it. I think that yelling that he was making you so angry is VERY different from yelling " You little piece of shit" or something. I try very very hard as well to keep my temper in check as my mom was a SUPER yeller...but you know, sometimes you just can't. We're human. ::::: hugs::: hope today gets better for you!

[Deleted]

I know how this feels Try not to beat yourself up too much though. You're exhausted and irritable, with good reasons to be. It happens. I don't think there's a person on earth who has never yelled or snapped at their toddler before.

Just make sure you give him a hug and tell him you're sorry and that you shouldn't have yelled like that. Next time you find yourself getting really angry, take a deep breath and count to ten first. Hang in there.

[LauraMoser]

It happens to the best of us. It does not make you a bad mom. You're tired and frustrated. Try and get some me time soon. Sounds like you could use it.

[Ashley&Scott]

You're not a bad mom, you're stressed & exhausted. I agree with everyone else you need a break & some time to yourself. Hang in there!


ETA: Are you working with a lactation consultant? I would also look into breast feeding support groups in your area. (Check La Leche League or the local hospitals) Good luck!

[madringal]

You ARE NOT FAILING!!! I could have written your exact post when DD2 was that age. I have no magic words, but trust me when I say that your DH and your kids know that you are just doing your best. It is so had to have a NB and toddler. Is there someone that can come help you from time to time so you can get some alone time?

[drloretta]

You're not failing. Toddlers are HARD, and throw in all that other stuff, you'll occasionally snap. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're not yelling at your kid all the time, you just had a moment. He'll survive, I promise.

I hope you get some rest and a path forward with your LO soon.

((big zombie hugs))

[mesop]

Having a toddler and a newborn was a new definition of exhaustion for me. I had actually never been quite as bone-tired. It will pass - and hopefully you can find a way to nap/sleep a little soon.

[sarahlindsay]

You're not failing - you just had a moment when the exhaustion and frustration got the best of you. It happens to everyone! I hope you can find a little more rest (if that's possible) and things improve.

[nonsenseabound]

dude, you are TIRED. It's time to get some sleep and some help. Does DS normally go to daycare? Can you have him do minicare or drop in care for a day? Just so you can nap when the baby is napping? It will make such a difference.

Don't beat yourself up. Yelling once does not = an entire childhood of yelling.

[DarcyLongfellow]

You're not failing. You're exhausted. I'm tired just reading your post -- you poor thing.

Do not feel bad about yelling. What I do whenever I feel like I've lost my cool with DD is make sure that I apologize to her. Even though she really has no idea what I'm talking about, I make sure to tell her that mommy was just feeling frustrated and that I'm sorry I yelled/got angry, etc.

Also -- I do NOT believe that it's a bad thing to tell a child that you're frustrated or angry. I will often tell my DD (in as calm a voice as I can) -- "Mommy is very angry right now. Mommy is not happy with your behavior." Growing up, my family sort of taught me to hide "ugly" feelings. To the point that as an adult I have trouble properly expressing my anger. I don't want DD to grow up to be like me, so I want her to know that it's absolutely okay to feel anger, etc., but that you need to express it properly.

[Willis Jackson]

It is absolutely okay to be angry at your toddler and it's absolutely okay to tell your toddler that he's making you angry. Yelling isn't ideal but it happens. Don't beat yourself up.

[divajane]

Don't beat yourself up! I think it is okay for kids to sometimes see their parents "loose it" or not be perfectly happy/patient all the time. I grew up in a house where my mother was basically wonderwoman, never yelled, never frustrated, etc. It created an environment where I always felt like I would never measure up, always felt like a failure whenever I was feeling emotional. Now that I am a mom, I realize that she probably wasn't as "perfect" as I remember, but that she was always hiding her true emotions from us. As long as you can talk with your son about what happened, explain that mommy was mad and that she shouldn't have yelled, and ask him for forgiveness, it can be a learning opportunity for him.

[thedash]

It's OK! You are not failing at all.

You are not your mom. Yelling something one time is not the same as screaming at your child constantly. Plus, what you yelled was accurate and not an insult. You said "you're making me angry" not "you're so bad" or even "I can't take this." I grew up with emotional abuse and trust me, there is a difference in how you say things even when you accidentally yell it.

I know not everyone will agree with this, but I think DH should give you a freaking break about sex right now. You are exhausted and overwhelmed and all with good reason. Marriage is about a lot more than sex. Now is the time for you two to be a team and focus on raising your kids. Not forever, and not for too long obviously. But he can live without sex for a few months (he really can!) while you all adjust to this huge change in your family. I hate it that we all expect ourselves to be 100% a mom all day and then a sexy wife every night. Sometimes you don't have the energy for both. You'll get back there, but don't make yourself stress over it.

[upupandaway]

Been there, done that. And I have less excuse than you as my kids are 5 years apart! You're just tired. And as for the sex thing...you're probably just "touched out". It's a phenomenon where when you have a little monkey attached you and/or your boob all day you just want to be left the hell alone when you finally manage some time to yourself. This too shall pass. Chin up!