letting go, death related

[Deleted]

I don't have an answer for you because I wonder the same thing. I just wanted to comment and say that I'm sorry you are going through this.

[slug*bug]

No advice, but wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this.

[ilikedonuts]

I think its completely normal for you to not want to let go. My family went through this with my grandmother even after she was put in hospice. It was horrible and heartbreaking.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[morningmania]

That is really a tough thing to pinpoint down. I think that it is really different for everyone. When we knew my Dad wasn't going to live much longer, I started sending him a card every single day. Some times I had a lot to say, and some times would find a poem to write.
It meant a lot to my Dad and I think it helped me get some closure every day. I honestly do not feel like I ever came to terms with it, I just spent all the time I possibly could, said all the things i could think of to say, and cherish both so much.

In your situation I would gather on the thought that she seems ok with it being her time. She will still always be there with you, even after she passes. It will be tough now and later.

I am sorry that you have to go through this.

[sweetnsour]

I have no advice, I just wanted to say I am sorry.

[Awkward]

I don't really have any good advice for you. I had a similar relationship to my nana and I had a hard time imagining life without her. She passed away when I was in high school, and to be honest I still sometimes get a little misty eyed thinking about how she's not here.

And then I remember how much pain she was in in the end. If she's told you she's ready to go, she's ready. I'm very sorry for what you're going through, and I highly suggest seeing a grief counselor, even just once. It helped me immensely.

[lmb5109]

My mom passed away suddenly so I wasn't able to say my goodbye or have a last talk.

My grandma past away slowly and it was heartbreaking to see. To go from a strong women to not be able to speak or even open her eyes, was devastating to see. My grandpa called me one night and told me that she was still hanging on for some reason and he wanted me to come by and say goodbye. I hadn't seen her in over a week because I just couldn't handle it (I was 22 at the time). This women was my life. I went to my grandparents house every other weekend, my grandma helped me everyday with my paper route, she supported everything I ever did and never questioned me. I couldn't say goodbye, I couldn't imagine my life w/o her. But I knew that it wasn't my choice and I would regret not being able to say goodbye to her like I didn't to my mom.

So I went to their house that night and I told her that it was ok for her to go, that I will take care of grandpa and that I will be fine. I told her I will miss her more than life but that I know she will be looking over me to make sure I am safe and happy. SHe past the next morning. I was devastated but very happy that I got to have a last talk with her, even if she couldn't speak.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Tell her how you feel about her and that you are sad but know that you will be ok.

[GailGoldie]

that is so hard.

My husband gets great comfort in the show "I survived, beyond and back" on the bio channel - it's stories from real people who have died and come back.... all of them talk about how wonderful it was when they were on the other side- and they didn't even want to come back.... It helps DH deal with the loss of his dad and brother (2mo apart a few years back). I know it's silly to recommend a show- but maybe hearing some other people tell their story would help you know that she'll be happier ... if you believe in heaven, etc.

[alleinesein]

It really depends on the person and how they deal with emotional issues.

As for family members once any of my relatives hits 80 I accept the fact that they have led a LONG and WONDERFUL life and that when their time is up you have to let go.

[cahabalily]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm in the same boat with my own Granny... the thing that has finally helped me is how poor her quality of life has become recently. I will be devastated when she passes, but I can recognize now how unhappy she has become.

Again, I'm sorry you're having to experience this.

[karinothing]

I am sorry. I know it can be hard. I think you need to not worry about being selfish. Any person that is dying knows that their family is going to miss them and that it is going to hurt and just plain suck when they are going.

My mom's health went bad fast. I felt such a mix of emotions. I knew my mom was suffering but I I wanted her to hang on with every fiber of my being. I know I cried in front of her, but I have to believe she understood. I also felt incredible guilt especially because every night I prayed my hardest that she would last one day longer, even though I knew she was in pain. There did come a point where I told her that it was okay to go and I did it with eyes full of tears (she passed that night). I think the only thing that got me to that point was I finally accepted that she wasn't going to make it.

I don't know if any of this is helping or not, I guess I just want to stress that it is okay to cry and it is okay to not want to lose your grandma. I know she understands.

[Deleted]

No advice. Just want to say I'm sorry. <hugs>

[phoeny]

I'm sorry I wish I could answer this question for you. My condolances.

May 12, 2012 9:07:36 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

I feel like a chump. My granny is in the hospital again...having heart failure issues. We talked and she told me that she is getting close to the end and it will be OK, go on be happy, etc. I cried and made her feel bad.

How do did you come to terms with someone's death or when someone is dying? How do you NOT be selfish BC you want the person around still? I feel guilty for wanting to hold on when she may be ready to let go

[CloudBee]

hugs

[marshmallowevening]

I'm sorry.

[orangeblossom]

I'm sorry, it's very hard to deal with, when the time comes. All I can say is, if you can spend time with her, even if it's just sitting there, it's welcomed by the person who is dying. Hugs to you.

Without going into details, my mother herself said she was tired. It'd been a long, hard, painful journey. I told her she didn't have to fight anymore, her job on earth was done and we would look after those she was worried about.

I fully expected her to be gone before the following week came. She wasn't, and went into cardiac arrest on my parent's anniversary. We removed the life support, and they did not expect her to last more than a couple of hours at that. She surprised everyone and lasted until the wee hours of the next morning, and I wholeheartedly believe she didn't want to die on their anniversary, so he wouldn't have that horrible image.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, carrots. It's so tough. I'm going through it with my grandpa right now. I just remind myself he's not happy, he is unable to live a fulfilling life, and I've had many good years with him and I want to remember him for the good times we had and not watch him become a man who is dependent on others. I just remember the good. There were so many of those.