***picks***

[niq]

Wait, do cribs expire? Or are older ones just unsafe?

Even on a tablet, I blame all wrong words on Swype

[picksthemusic]

Yeah, so your mom sounds a bit crazier than my FIL, but I'm sure if my FIL and I were closer (relationship wise), then he'd let me know more often just how much he wants to spend one-on-one time with M.

What really upsets me is that he just doesn't get how hard it is to leave her. He asked this last weekend "When she gets older, you should leave her with us for the summer. You could come visit of course," and I wanted to pop him one. I don't care how old she is... she's not spending 3 months at your house away from us. No way in hell. Not only that, but she's only got a few years where she's going to think hanging out with grandma and grandpa is cool and fun. He seems to forget this. And MIL had to remind him that they never did that with their kids (my H and BILs). He seemed to calm down at that reminder, but OMG I wanted to shoot him.

It was especially bad in the beginning because FIL ALWAYS wanted to hold her, no matter what. He barely respected the time I needed to nurse her, and he acted like i ran over his puppy every time I took her from him to do something that was necessary (change a diaper, feed her, change her clothes, put her down for a nap) and it drove me NUTS. He even would take her from MIL (and I actually felt bad for her about that because she wanted holding time, too) and other family that was holding her if he felt like they had too much time with her. He would also call her name every 2 seconds until she looked at him and then he would giggle that she looked at him. It made me LIVID. J wasn't much help because he didn't want to step on any toes, but it ended up making me look like a total bitch mama bear because I wanted to be the one to do things for her and make sure people got equal holding time with her if I wasn't taking care of something she needed. And it wasn't like he was engaging her at all. He would just sit there and hold her. He wouldn't bounce her, wouldn't talk to her, just sit there with her in his arms. He would pet her head (which made her hair greasy enough for me to need to wash it), rock her and go "mmm" over and over and over. He also repeated (he still does this) phrases over and over and over to her. I even caught him falling asleep while he was holding her, and that made me even more mad.

I really felt like just the vessel that had the baby for him, like I stopped being his DIL and just his precious granddaughter's mother.

Now that more than a year has gone by, I know more of his past and why he's acting the way he's acting. His parents died when he was a young man, and they never got to meet his children. So I think in his own special way, he's trying to be the best grandfather EVER because his parents never got to do any of that. And he is just a very proud man and wants to shout it from the rooftops that she's his granddaughter. Which is all fine and dandy, but he has NO respect for myself or J as her parents.

I've had to do a lot of letting go, because J and his family are super close and we see them about twice a month if not more sometimes. I even had to write him a letter that I would never give him to get all of my frustrations out of my mind because they were driving me mad. I would get anxiety every time I knew we were going to see them, and it made family get togethers almost unbearable for me. It's better now, especially since she became mobile and can voice her opinion. But she adores him (most of the time, haha), but I know that she adores me more.

It's just put this huge rift between FIL and I and that's hard, but I wasn't super close to him to begin with. It's just extra hard that he's obsessed with my child.

So there's my story... I'm here if you ever need to share crazy grandparent stories.

Also, I think there are a couple of books or websites that you can direct your mom to to help her be a better grandma.

[jennlin]

Mar 26, 2013 20:31:17 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

I really felt like just the vessel that had the baby for him, like I stopped being his DIL and just his precious granddaughter's mother.

this is me, to a T.

[picksthemusic]

Mar 27, 2013 9:12:53 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Mar 26, 2013 20:31:17 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

I really felt like just the vessel that had the baby for him, like I stopped being his DIL and just his precious granddaughter's mother.

this is me, to a T.

I was just going to suggest that you should weigh in, because I know you have some doozies yourself.

I PPH you.

[jennlin]

Mar 27, 2013 10:33:34 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

Mar 27, 2013 9:12:53 GMT -5 jennlin said:

this is me, to a T.

I was just going to suggest that you should weigh in, because I know you have some doozies yourself.

I PPH you.

after i posted..i decided that maybe this *isn't* me....because i was never his DIL..just that woman that took away his first born. but that's another story.