This is where I whine like a bebe newlywed

[Jalapeñomel]

I thought this sort of came with the territory of eloping; that you don't really get presents.

[wannabe]

no, i get it - it always sucks ass when someone says they're going to do something nice for you and then totally flake out.

especially your parents. that's no fun.

[vicky]

As a fellow eloper, have the after party. You don't need to have a big shindig. Just a celebration of your marriage. This problem will solve itself and you'll be happier.

[suzyp]

I get it, I'd be hurt too, even if I eloped - especially from my parents.

My BF eloped and I had no idea until she called to let me know. I was SO excited for her - they were going to Charleston for the weekend, so I was able to find the hotel where they were staying (thank you Charleston for having one super nice hotel) and sent them a bottle of champagne. Another friend was going to throw a party for them over the summer, but her mother died in between that time and so the party never happened. I can undestand being bummed. (Especially when you save all your friends and family time and money by not having a traditional wedding). Does it take that much energy to send a card?

(Side note - my BF checked in late on their honeymoon, so the hotel switched their rooms, but not the champagne - so some assholes who got their original room got there to a bottom of champagne that said "Happy Wedding Day!" and drank it. I had to ask my BF about it b/c she is someone who would have called as soon as she saw it to say thank you - and she never mentioned it. This was like 8 years ago and I'm still mad!)

[childofhiphop]

Why are you expecting someone else to do something?

Just like you would have had your own wedding... Host your own announcement/celebrate the new marriage party.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I get it.
My friend eloped and she still got a present from me and from her family.
It's still a big step and a life changer, so it should be acknowledged

[Deleted]

i get it. even if it comes with the eloping territory and you're not going to blow up anyone's house or cry in your beer nightly over it or something, it hurts not to have people be psyched for your major life event. and then it's adding insult to injury to be shelling out for their stuff.

throw the party, everyone will hug and kiss you and tell you that they're so happy and maybe someone will give you a present, but either way you'll get that warmth/congratulations that will put the icing on the cake.

[Deleted]

We still have the idea of eloping on the table here. Doubt we'll do that, but it hasn't been ruled out. I would at least think my parents would acknowledge us with a dinner out, or something, afterwards.

[birdistheword]

Mar 30, 2013 12:14:50 GMT -5 tillie said:

Sorry, but isn't that the point of eloping? I don't understand why people don't want to put out the $ for a wedding reception so they elope, but then pretty much expect someone else foot the bill for a party and or/just give them gifts.

Yeah, maybe an dinner out from your family would be nice, but I think the point of eloping is to keep it low key.

I don't think she would have expected it if people hadn't offered. Multiple people expressed interest in hosting a luncheon or shower for them, and then didn't follow through. I think it's understandable to be bummed about that, and at the fact that no one has even said congratulations.

[Deleted]

If you want a party, you throw one. It is pretty simple.

But I am with you on your parents. Especially since in some schools of thought they would have paid for the wedding. So yeah, I think you have the right to complain about that. NOT about your friends though. Just parents.

[EllieArroway]

I'm sorry.

DH and I eloped. My parents gave us the money that they had been saving for my wedding. My grandparents & close friends bought us gifts. My ILs took the entire family out to dinner as a 'reception' when we got home. I would have been terribly sad if everyone blew us off and didn't acknowledge/celebrate our marriage in some way.

Yes, part of eloping is that you get fewer gifts, but that doesn't mean that it's okay for everyone to act as if nothing happened.

[milosh]

I completely get it, and I would be hurt too.

[sonrisa]

I don't know about you family, but some parents would see an elopement as a specific "F you. We are having a major life event and don't want you to be part of it." If so, they may need some time to get over their poor little hurt feewings.

[azurely]

Some people might think you eloped because you didn't want a big party or a big deal made of it.

Obviously that's not the case, so have a little party. If you choose not to shell out any money to have a party and celebrate your new marriage, then you can't complain that no one is making a big deal of it either.

[Jalapeñomel]

Mar 30, 2013 13:13:09 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I don't know about you family, but some would see an elopement as a specific "F you. We are having a major life event and don't want you to be part of it." If so, they may need some time to get over their poor little hurt feewings.

I can see this too.  

[Deleted]

Meh. I think once the actual wedding has already taken place the excitement wears off. I mean... You eloped. That's the deal.

[papie]

Mar 30, 2013 11:36:49 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Mar 30, 2013 11:32:03 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I thought this sort of came with the territory of eloping; that you don't really get presents.

Yeah, but I would hope that my family would at least DO something, you know?  Maybe have a BBQ or something, or take us out to dinner to celebrate or something.

My mother would have murdered me and that would have been the end of it. 

[lys]

Are your parents not happy with your choice of a partner?
ETA:  Are they upset that they were not there to see you take your vows?

[chickadee77]

I will whine with you.

We didn't elope, but chose to have a small wedding (we lived in the same community as IL's and wanted to avoid the 2000 - yes, that's THREE zeroes - person wedding h's sister had for her first wedding. H's family is very prominent in the state.) We planned to have a casual after reception thing, to celebrate with that many people, because we felt we could afford and enjoy planning that. We were then told by close family friends, "Oh, no, WE'LL do it for you, planning, $$, the whole shabang. It'll be awesome! We're so excited for you!" and we said, okay, cool. Let us know and we'll do whatever to help out.

Then h's sister decided to get her second divorce, and IL's took it upon themselves to tell everyone that we needed to just keep things small so we wouldn't upset her. This was shortly after our wedding, and we had no idea we had been spoken for, and by the timewe realized/were told what happened, it seemed too late and selfish to plan something ourselves.

I did get a work shower, which neither SIL nor MIL attended because they were getting their nails done or some shit.

The end.

[sent]

I have never met anyone who eloped. This thread has been eye opening because I wouldn't know how to react if someone told me they eloped. It certainly didn't occur to me that I was supposed to send a card or a gift.

[simplyinpenguin]

Had a friend elope and then had her wedding (yep) and reception over a year later. She cried about how no one (except H and I) got her and her H anything for their wedding. I wasn't surprised, they were already married for over a year and they kept their elopement a secret for about 6 months. Yeah, a lot of family members on both sides of their family were butthurt when they found out.

But it's still crappy when someone tells you they're planning something and then it's forgotten a sentence later.