Are there any churchy people around?

[jane6672]

frkls ?

I have a lengthy story about cancer and church and stuff.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Unless you are going to PM her or whomever, this is silly. Just type it out. People are going to judge/give their opinion/whatever anyway.

[ElizabethBennet]

I'm here

[2boys2danes]

Me too..... go

[jane6672]

Hey, I'm heading to bed.

Thanks for talking with me.

[jane6672]

lol. I was typing it out, it took awhile.

[lola]

ohholyshit.

I'm sorry for your FIL's illness. I think your MIL is justified in her feelings though. How hard would it be for them to find a new church? Do you think she's willing to sit down with her pastor to talk about how she is feelings?

[saraandmichael]

good for your bil.

but i kind of really dislike the church.

[ElizabethBennet]

That's sad .

Has the pastor always been like this? Is there someone else besides the pastor your MIL can get in contact with? Associate pastor? Someone from women's ministries?

[jane6672]

So, I'm pissed.

I'm pissed at BIL for not being able to keep his shit together, and causing all this drama while his dad is sick and possibly dying. This is the LAST thing ILs need, MIL is going to be mortified and she has plenty going on already.

I'm pissed at Pastor, because okay, you're on vacation, but FIL is going through chemo, and was close to dying with the infection, and all he said was "I'm on vacay, ttyl!" TAKE 5 MINUTES OUT OF YOUR VACATION TO CALL, DILLHOLE. The lack of empathy/community was one of the reasons we moved to a different church.

[jane6672]

Mar 31, 2013 21:06:23 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

good for your bil.

but i kind of really dislike the church.

Well, I'm beyond pissed with the way pastor has handled this, and the way he handled BIL's previous email.

However, BIL should be able to pull his head out of his ass and realize this is going to make a difficult time worse for his parents.



Emailing an entire distribution list to air your grievances is never a good idea, period.

[ElizabethBennet]

Can you contact your pastor? See if they can get something together for your MIL? Like meals or something.

The pastor shouldn't be reacting like this just because of your BIL and I'd be pissed at the BIL too.

[jane6672]

Mar 31, 2013 21:07:09 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

That's sad .

Has the pastor always been like this? Is there someone else besides the pastor your MIL can get in contact with? Associate pastor? Someone from women's ministries?

They did get in touch with a church from their denomination in the hospital town. That pastor has been following up with them, and is coming by to visit as well.

[papie]

I am with Sara here.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2013 21:11:47 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Mar 31, 2013 21:07:09 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

That's sad .

Has the pastor always been like this? Is there someone else besides the pastor your MIL can get in contact with? Associate pastor? Someone from women's ministries?

They did get in touch with a church from their denomination in the hospital town. That pastor has been following up with them, and is coming by to visit as well.

Good, I'm glad.  My heart goes out to your MIL and FIL.  Seriously, this church sounds, at a minimum, completely disorganized and unable to function without the pastor in town.  And perhaps worse - angry about the son's email to the group list, and therefore vindictive.  Definitely worth a heart to heart with the pastor when he gets back from his vacation (not that the rest of us don't work during our vacations, wtf?). But if I were they, I'd be seriously looking into a new church.  This is just so sad.  

 

[Deleted]

Even with the pastor being a dick, I'm still WTF at the rest of the members for not stepping in and being supportive to MIL. Those are not the type of people I would want as my church family. I'm sorry your family is having to go through this.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2013 21:10:05 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Mar 31, 2013 21:06:23 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

good for your bil.

but i kind of really dislike the church.

Well, I'm beyond pissed with the way pastor has handled this, and the way he handled BIL's previous email.

However, BIL should be able to pull his head out of his ass and realize this is going to make a difficult time worse for his parents.



Emailing an entire distribution list to air your grievances is never a good idea, period.

He's grieving, hurt, scared and angry. I'd give the BIL a pass. The pastor is an asshole. Church is bullshit. Sorry, my post is the opposite of helpful.

[saraandmichael]

Mar 31, 2013 21:10:05 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Mar 31, 2013 21:06:23 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

good for your bil.

but i kind of really dislike the church.

Well, I'm beyond pissed with the way pastor has handled this, and the way he handled BIL's previous email.

However, BIL should be able to pull his head out of his ass and realize this is going to make a difficult time worse for his parents.



Emailing an entire distribution list to air your grievances is never a good idea, period.

I must not understand the way church emails work? it went to everyone from the church and not just the priest? because, yeah...thats pretty shitty.  however, its still less shitty than telling members of your congregation that you're on vacation when they are in a time of serious need.

[thedutchgirl]

Your BIL definitely didn't handle it correctly, but I don't disagree with the sentiment. Pastor is not handling properly. At all. I hope the pastor in the hospital town can provide them some spiritual comfort.

[2boys2danes]

That's some messed up stuff... The whole "I'm on vacation is messing me up here"... even if he was, he should have texted or called someone at home to have them visit with the family.

Sorry y'all are going thru this...

[Deleted]

That is weird. How involved have your in laws been in the church and how big is the church? I guess I could see this happening if we are talking about a church with thousands of members and your in laws simply attend on Sunday mornings. However, if it's a small or medium size church and your in laws are more involved than just attending on Sundays, then the situation is sad and the church really dropped the ball. I don't necessarily think that the pastor should have interrupted his vacation time, but at the very least he should have asked an elder or someone else at the church to reach out to your MIL and FIL. Are your in laws in a Sunday school class or a small group and, if so, do the people in the group know about FIL's illness? Our church friends would be delivering meals and visiting at the hospital.  The situation is really weird.

[Deleted]

It is unfortunate that the pastor reacted that way.

I would think that a simple e-mail during vacation would not be that big a deal.

Funny how large law firm associates are more responsive than this shepherd of God.

[jane6672]

Sara, he emailed it to the whole church, not just the pastor. If he had just emailed the pastor, I would have said carry on.


Yes, there are some issues with the church and the pastor. Lack of community/empathy were some of the big reasons we chose to go elsewhere.

[azurely]

That is very sad.

I would be disgusted if my pastor responded that way to a church member reaching out. Being a pastor is a 24/7 on-call job. If a member of your congregation needs you, then you should be responsive and supportive. If he is out of town or something, at least respond kindly and ask an associate pastor or elder to reach out to the family.

I also do not fault your BIL. His dad is dying, his mom is going through hell, and no one from the church seems to care. I hope your MIL finds a new church after all of this.

[jane6672]

Mar 31, 2013 21:22:35 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

That is weird. How involved have your in laws been in the church and how big is the church? I guess I could see this happening if we are talking about a church with thousands of members and your in laws simply attend on Sunday mornings. However, if it's a small or medium size church and your in laws are more involved than just attending on Sundays, then the situation is sad and the church really dropped the ball. I don't necessarily think that the pastor should have interrupted his vacation time, but at the very least he should have asked an elder or someone else at the church to reach out to your MIL and FIL. Are your in laws in a Sunday school class or a small group and, if so, do the people in the group know about FIL's illness? Our church friends would be delivering meals and visiting at the hospital.  The situation is really weird.

Membership is about 100 people, and they've attended for 12 years.
FIL was in training for a leadership role when he stepped down due to the health issues.

There is someone else as point of contact when pastor is out of town, but he told my brother not to call because "they probably want privacy" although MIL had sent an email saying they would be happy to have calls/visitors.
The hospital is about an hour's drive away, but you'd think a phone call from someone in church leadership could be managed.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. I would have stopped attending this church a long time ago if I were your ILs. It sounds like there is no sense of community at all and like you said a lack of empathy. I cannot imagine reacting this way knowing someone I knew for a long time was suffering and on the verge of death.

I hope FIL is okay and I hope that they can feel comfortable enough to sit down with the pastor after his vacay and express their legitimate grievances. A call to the higher ups may even be in order.

[nancybotwin]

This makes me really sad. I hope your ILs find a supportive pastor and community.

[mx27]

your poor in-laws!

i think the church is totally at fault. how could they abandon their fellow church members during a time like this? heartless.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2013 21:33:58 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Mar 31, 2013 21:22:35 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Membership is about 100 people, and they've attended for 12 years.
FIL was in training for a leadership role when he stepped down due to the health issues.

There is someone else as point of contact when pastor is out of town, but he told my brother not to call because "they probably want privacy" although MIL had sent an email saying they would be happy to have calls/visitors.
The hospital is about an hour's drive away, but you'd think a phone call from someone in church leadership could be managed.

Wow.  There is no excuse in this situation.  Time for a new church.  How hurtful.