On Wednesday, a New York lawyer and new mother named Cynthia Wachenheim strapped her baby son, Keston, to her chest and jumped from the eighth floor of her building. Her 10-month-old son, snug in his Ergo carrier, survived, barely injured. Wachenheim died from her injuries. According to the New York Times,
the 44-year-old Wachenheim left behind a 13-page suicide note in which she wrote that she was convinced that her son might have autism or cerebral palsy because he had two minor tumbles—the kind most babies have at some point—and she felt responsible. Her pediatrician did not believe anything was wrong with the child, but she was convinced her son was damaged and that it was her fault.
It’s pretty clear that Wachenheim was suffering from postpartum psychosis and was not, to use a cliché that doesn’t feel like it expresses the gravity of the situation, in her right mind. No mother, especially a woman who by all accounts was an upstanding and decent person, would do this to herself or her child unless she was in the throes of an awful, debilitating mental illness. That didn’t stop Above the Law’s Elie Mystal from writing a painfully ignorant post about Wachenheim in which he calls her “a monster” and says that because his family just had a newborn, he’s “acutely aware of all the time hospitals, pediatricians, and psychiatrists put in telling new parents how to handle the feelings of anxiety and sometimes depression that affect new parents.” He also assumes that Wachenheim refused to seek out “readily available help with her mental health issues” based on no evidence. He says that because she had the money and education to deal with her mental health, she is a monster for not fixing it.
I don’t purport to know where Mystal’s partner gave birth or what her
experience was. But just because she was well-informed about the risk of depression before and after pregnancy doesn’t mean everyone is. I know from the survey I did of more than 1,000 women on pregnancy and depression that many women don’t get any information from hospitals, pediatricians, or psychiatrists on depression or anxiety and get no support from their families. Secondly, even psychiatrists treating patients in the hospital (and immediate inpatient hospitalization is the recommendation for women experiencing postpartum psychosis) have a notoriously bad track record at predicting which ones will commit suicide. We don’t know what went on in Wachenheim's final days, but it’s quite possible that her family members—despite having advanced degrees—did not realize how bad things were or were in denial about her mental health.
postpartum psychosis affects one to two out of every 1,000 new moms; of those one to two moms, 5 percent commit suicide and 4 percent commit infanticide. “Symptoms may appear abruptly” according to the health department, so Mystal’s assumption that she would have even had time to get help is really dim. (For another rebuttal to Mystal, Wachenheim’s childhood friend Elizabeth Nowicki wrote this important corrective on Above the Law.)
The specific anxieties that Wachenheim mentioned in her suicide note are extreme and obviously the thoughts of a disturbed mind. Still, it’s alarming how much they reflect the current thinking about how much mothers are responsible for the ultimate sound health of their newborns. What they eat, what they don’t eat, what mood they are in, how long they wait to get pregnant, even what music they listen to—mothers are constantly reminded that every move they make can leave lasting damage on a baby and make them more prone to get even serious diseases like autism and other developmental disorders. (For a great roundup of the crazy-making information about what pregnant women are supposed to do to keep their kids healthy, check out this hilarious and depressing Jezebel post). Of course Wachenheim’s psychotic mind could have grabbed onto some other anxiety if fears of autism weren’t so outsized in the United States. But her case should give us a slap-in-the-face reminder to lay off a little—new mothers can be vulnerable enough without the extra anxiety.
Fuck him. FUCK HIM. If only knowledge was enough to prevent mental breaks like this. If only treatment was a fix for everyone. God help his wife if she ever deals with anxiety, depression, psychosis that she struggles to treat, because her husband won't have the capacity to support her through the process. He wants to see a monster? Go look in a fucking mirror. I would spit on this man if I had the chance.
yes, I know I'm a little ragey. Or a lot ragey. But until people realize that it's not as simple as getting help (you know, if you can even find it), mental illness will continue to be stigmatized.
Fuck him. FUCK HIM. If only knowledge was enough to prevent mental breaks like this. If only treatment was a fix for everyone. God help his wife if she ever deals with anxiety, depression, psychosis that she struggles to treat, because her husband won't have the capacity to support her through the process. He wants to see a monster? Go look in a fucking mirror. I would spit on this man if I had the chance.
yes, I know I'm a little ragey. Or a lot ragey. But until people realize that it's not as simple as getting help (you know, if you can even find it), mental illness will continue to be stigmatized.
App like.
Also, mommy wars have nothing to do with this. The author does a very good job of clearly laying out that this was psychosis, but there's no need to even put mommy wars in the same paragraph. I guarantee the outcome would have been the same if mommy wars were non-existant.
It's a pet peeve of mine when healthy people try to put "reason" to mental illness.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Apr 1, 2013 7:09:46 GMT -5
I have an acquaintance who went through PPP and she got divorced and lost custody of her oldest daughter as a result. It is really sad. She went on to remarry and have two more kids and be fine after those births, and now has partial custody back of her eldest.
I feel like ppd is talked about a lot (as it should be) but not much mention of anxiety of psychosis.
That poor woman. Fuck the other dude. I had what I think was ppd for about a year and a half after birth. My husband didn't notice a damn thing. He just thought it was normal. Meanwhile I was struggling not to fly into a million pieces. Granted, it wasn't psychosis.
I knew all about how you're supposed to get help. I fudged a bit on the stupid tests they make you take because I thought I wasn't bad and that I could get through it. sigh... Just fuck that dude.
That poor woman. Fuck the other dude. I had what I think was ppd for about a year and a half after birth. My husband didn't notice a damn thing. He just thought it was normal. Meanwhile I was struggling not to fly into a million pieces. Granted, it wasn't psychosis.
I knew all about how you're supposed to get help. I fudged a bit on the stupid tests they make you take because I thought I wasn't bad and that I could get through it. sigh... Just fuck that dude.
All of this! And this has nothing to do with mommy wars.
Fuck him. FUCK HIM. If only knowledge was enough to prevent mental breaks like this. If only treatment was a fix for everyone. God help his wife if she ever deals with anxiety, depression, psychosis that she struggles to treat, because her husband won't have the capacity to support her through the process. He wants to see a monster? Go look in a fucking mirror. I would spit on this man if I had the chance.
yes, I know I'm a little ragey. Or a lot ragey. But until people realize that it's not as simple as getting help (you know, if you can even find it), mental illness will continue to be stigmatized.
App like.
Also, mommy wars have nothing to do with this. The author does a very good job of clearly laying out that this was psychosis, but there's no need to even put mommy wars in the same paragraph. I guarantee the outcome would have been the same if mommy wars were non-existant.
It's a pet peeve of mine when healthy people try to put "reason" to mental illness.
I thought the mommy war was that the baby was in the ergo, and was safe. So that proves ergo is the best baby carrier of them all. Now whe mom s debate it they can say "Yeah but a baby survived a fall in an ergo." (hot)
If solving medical issues were as simple as "getting help" (as he claims) then we wouldn't be dying from heart disease, cancer, etc. either.
That poor woman and poor baby who will now grow up without his mother. I just can't even imagine what hell you must be going through to decide to do something like that.
Elie has always been an asshole. He's made a living out of making fun of lawyers yet he never even passed the bar (or got admitted, I forget). Screw him for this.
I get the connection to Mommy Wars. We're supposed to be perfect and right in all things. If we do something "wrong" (like, if the kid won't eat, or we listen to the wrong music, or whatever) then Johnny is scarred for life.
There's this sense in the trenches of the mommy wars that we're supposed to get it right, with a smile on our face, that it doesn't bother us at all - -the fear and the doubt about what could happen if we really do fuck up.
IMHO, the judgieness of the mommy wars keeps some (many? most?) moms from getting the help they need, because they don't want to admit the "wrong" stuff they're doing or thinking.
I get the connection to Mommy Wars. We're supposed to be perfect and right in all things. If we do something "wrong" (like, if the kid won't eat, or we listen to the wrong music, or whatever) then Johnny is scarred for life.
There's this sense in the trenches of the mommy wars that we're supposed to get it right, with a smile on our face, that it doesn't bother us at all - -the fear and the doubt about what could happen if we really do fuck up.
IMHO, the judgieness of the mommy wars keeps some (many? most?) moms from getting the help they need, because they don't want to admit the "wrong" stuff they're doing or thinking.
I agree with this 100%. I felt that way when I was struggling with ppd.
It's a pet peeve of mine when healthy people try to put "reason" to mental illness.
I agree with this to an extent, but I also think mental illness doesn't always exist in a vacuum. The amount of pressure put on new moms to do everything "right" (especially in that middle/upper middle class demographic) is enormous. You can't tell me that being told "well, yeah, you're supposed to constantly worry about every single thing you do to and with your child because this is a CRITICAL PERIOD and everything has a LASTING IMPACT" doesn't affect new moms' mental health. I definitely believe that for women who are already prone to PPD and PPA, this pressure can sometimes tip the scales into illness.
By itself, the mommy war issue isn't causing PPD (and all the related illnesses) and plenty of women who aren't even exposed to the mommy war BS still experience PPD. But I do believe that it's a factor, and for women who are already vulnerable, it can be a significant one.
I got a handout on post partum depression and I remember being "screened" for depression at my post partum visit, but I didn't have depression or psychosis. I basically had a form of post-partum OCD. There is definitely not enough being done to screen and help women in the post-partum period.
Not only this, but even when women do get screened, very often the result is "hm, you seem to be suffering from PPD, you should see a psychiatrist." How you can actually access such psychiatric care is left up to you, the patient who barely even mustered the energy and willpower to drag herself to that appointment in the first place. Being left with the responsibility of making 85 phone calls to try to find a doctor accepting new patients, to figure out which doctors are covered by your insurance, to verify your insurance coverage and get your visits approved, to figure out your mental health copays and deductibles and all that crap, AND trying to do all of this in your short breaks while caring for a newborn...well, they might as well say "hey, you should visit the moon."
AND even if you manage to find a doctor accepting new patients, who's covered by your insurance, and you get all your insurance ducks in a row, chances are extremely good that that doctor will tell you "the next available appointment for new patients is 9 weeks from now."
I have an acquaintance who went through PPP and she got divorced and lost custody of her oldest daughter as a result. It is really sad. She went on to remarry and have two more kids and be fine after those births, and now has partial custody back of her eldest.
I feel like ppd is talked about a lot (as it should be) but not much mention of anxiety of psychosis.
And there's almost no talk of depression during pregnancy.
Couple things. I don't think that this necessarily has anything to do with mommy wars. I think we see severe PPP and the results across socio-economic lines. Andrea Yates?
I suffered from PPD/A after my first, and I was never "screened" even though I was at a reputable hospital and OB-GYN practice. I finally spoke up and was given a list of names and the suggestion of more exercise. I didn't follow through and call anyone because it seemed too hard. As a SAHM, I hadn't planned for any outside care for the kid. And breaks in the evening/weekends when DH was home were difficult because kid wouldn't take a bottle. So add a few small hurdles to someone who just wants to sit around in there pajamas and cry all day letting their baby comfort nurse so he'd shut the fuck up, I wasn't really motivated to do what it took to get myself help. We're all lucky that turned out ok.
I started meds the day my 2nd son was born, and it helped. But I still struggle to find the time and money for counseling. I've tried a therapist here and there, but it's difficult to find the right fit.
Also, fuck Elie Mystal.
Finally, big side-eye to the author for this line: " Of course Wachenheim’s psychotic mind could have grabbed onto some other anxiety if fears of autism weren’t so outsized in the United States."
Rates are 1 in 88 and rising. A more recent study suggests as high as 1 in 50 school age children. It's more than juvenile diabetes, AIDS or cancer, combined. So whatever level of concern exists, it's probably not "outsized" for the reality. Kind of off-topic, but I sensed in that uninformed line the suggestion that awareness efforts somehow drove this poor, stressed out mom to throw herself off a building.
On the Mommy War component - I think it's more of a general "OMGZ I must do XYZ or I set my baby up for failure." Do I read enough, did a vaccine cause autism, are chicken nuggets killing my spawn.
I think some women, certainly not all, are hyper sensitive to all of these little stories that come out that discuss some research finding that means your kid will turn into a cyclops and grow 20 feet tall and burn up cities and what not. I know I have friends who over react to those things and it becomes a chore to say "No, no. Calm down, you're fine, your baby is fine."
If you couple that with some innate desire to out-compete the next mom and the PPD, I think it's a disaster waiting to happen. I think moms need to remember that we can't control everything, accidents happen, and it's not a competition. Mothering is not a Winner Take All contest. That's why I rarely read the Mommy Wars posts.
I think one of the things missing in this conversation is that logic, reasoning, rationale can't really be applied. It's not always (or maybe even often) that it's a matter of recognizing that these fears and feelings aren't accurate, it's a matter of knowing all of that and still being unable to let go of those thoughts. Everyone has ridiculous fears at times, but some of us aren't able to just power through them.
I have an acquaintance who went through PPP and she got divorced and lost custody of her oldest daughter as a result. It is really sad. She went on to remarry and have two more kids and be fine after those births, and now has partial custody back of her eldest.
I feel like ppd is talked about a lot (as it should be) but not much mention of anxiety of psychosis.
And there's almost no talk of depression during pregnancy.
So, so true. And I had really, really bad depression during pregnancy. Nobody understood because I was supposed to be excited.
I think one of the things missing in this conversation is that logic, reasoning, rationale can't really be applied. It's not always (or maybe even often) that it's a matter of recognizing that these fears and feelings aren't accurate, it's a matter of knowing all of that and still being unable to let go of those thoughts. Everyone has ridiculous fears at times, but some of us aren't able to just power through them.
Yup, this. I see the point about outsized concerns fueling PPD/A/P, but the thing is a healthy brain can deal with those concerns, and what an unhealthy brain has trouble with really aren't realistic concerns at all. I know it's not that black and white.
My anxiety was relatively easy for me to overcome once I could identify it. My biggest hurdle was just recognizing diseased thoughts in the first place. I'm lucky in that way. But I was under no actual social pressure to limit the number of milk bottles I brought back to the store at once. That was pure disordered thinking.
I just want to shout out to sbp for the catastrophizing. That's a great example. One of my biggest cues that I need to knock it off is any time I start imagining someone telling me someone's died. I usually don't get as far as the eulogy only because I'm hospitalized before then. Imagining Valium = crazy town!!
So, so true. And I had really, really bad depression during pregnancy. Nobody understood because I was supposed to be excited.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm in a similar spot.
I know every experience is different, but I would strongly encourage you to make sure to see your GP, and a therapist. Its totally normal to have bad depression during pregnancy but no one can help if you don't take the first steps in admitting it. Talk to your H and whomever else will listen.
Post by OrangiLocks on Apr 1, 2013 20:48:48 GMT -5
SBP, this is not the first time you have made me sigh with relief that someone else on the planet feels/has the same anxieties that I do. I love you for always being so candid about what others are afraid to say they're stuggling with. Your courage is inspiring, I hope I can get better too.
I agree with this to an extent, but I also think mental illness doesn't always exist in a vacuum. The amount of pressure put on new moms to do everything "right" (especially in that middle/upper middle class demographic) is enormous. You can't tell me that being told "well, yeah, you're supposed to constantly worry about every single thing you do to and with your child because this is a CRITICAL PERIOD and everything has a LASTING IMPACT" doesn't affect new moms' mental health. I definitely believe that for women who are already prone to PPD and PPA, this pressure can sometimes tip the scales into illness.
By itself, the mommy war issue isn't causing PPD (and all the related illnesses) and plenty of women who aren't even exposed to the mommy war BS still experience PPD. But I do believe that it's a factor, and for women who are already vulnerable, it can be a significant one.
I don't want to discount the pressure that new mom's feel and I agree with you that there's definitely a class component to this, as well, but I do think it's actually a little... word loss... So, I'll start by saying I was not surprised she was a lawyer. That means she was probably relatively type-A and what was explained to me when I was in therapy is that these high performing women are particularly at risk for anxiety in the post-partum period because they are people who are always in a sort of "fight" (as opposed to flight) mentality. We're planners, schedulers, goal-setters etc... And when we have babies that goes into overdrive. So while someone with a "normal" post partum experience would maybe put their child in a stroller, strap them in and then maybe double check to make sure the stroller straps are set to the appropriate fit, someone with PPA will:
Fret about putting the baby in the stroller because strollers can be dangerous including considering not even going to wherever you're going because the whole stroller scenario is so intimidating. Fret about snapping the straps because OH MY GOD what if I pinch the baby. - Plan entire scenario out for responding to pinched baby including if it's a really bad pinch that requires stitches.
Check straps 15 times because what if the baby falls out. - Plan entire scenario out for responding to baby falling out of stroller including response to baby falling out in middle of busy street, in front of burning house, on stairs, close to dog. - Plan entire scenario for responding to head or neck injury as a result of fall, including trip to hospital, tearful last good-bye, and eulogy at baby's funeral.
Sit down and cry for 20 minutes about the possibility of your baby dying in a stroller accident.
Go to store, where you imagine chocking accident, kidnapping, getting hit by a car, buying food that has been poisoned, buying toothpaste that has explosives in it, baby having severe allergic reaction to new food.... include trip to hospital, tearful last good-bye, and eulogy ad baby's funeral. Cry again in parking lot.
***********************
So, I don't know that it has so much to do with mommy wars or pressure on new mothers as all these things tend to go together. These type-A moms are most likely to be middle or upper middle, they're more likely to internalize the mommy wars, but the actual anxiety fantasies that are so crippling aren't really the result of mommy wars, they're the result of this over-active, over-charged part of your brain that's been really instrumental in your achievements so far because it has allowed you to plot out everything from test preparation to requests for promotions, but when you add the baby, the hormones, and the isolation that women sometimes feel post-partum, that's the recipe for disaster.
You've just shown me my future when I finally have a kid. It's a very good thing I already have a therapist for anxiety. I have a variation on those thoughts just leaving the cats alone for a weekend!
I don't want to discount the pressure that new mom's feel and I agree with you that there's definitely a class component to this, as well, but I do think it's actually a little... word loss... So, I'll start by saying I was not surprised she was a lawyer. That means she was probably relatively type-A and what was explained to me when I was in therapy is that these high performing women are particularly at risk for anxiety in the post-partum period because they are people who are always in a sort of "fight" (as opposed to flight) mentality. We're planners, schedulers, goal-setters etc... And when we have babies that goes into overdrive. So while someone with a "normal" post partum experience would maybe put their child in a stroller, strap them in and then maybe double check to make sure the stroller straps are set to the appropriate fit, someone with PPA will:
Fret about putting the baby in the stroller because strollers can be dangerous including considering not even going to wherever you're going because the whole stroller scenario is so intimidating. Fret about snapping the straps because OH MY GOD what if I pinch the baby. - Plan entire scenario out for responding to pinched baby including if it's a really bad pinch that requires stitches.
Check straps 15 times because what if the baby falls out. - Plan entire scenario out for responding to baby falling out of stroller including response to baby falling out in middle of busy street, in front of burning house, on stairs, close to dog. - Plan entire scenario for responding to head or neck injury as a result of fall, including trip to hospital, tearful last good-bye, and eulogy at baby's funeral.
Sit down and cry for 20 minutes about the possibility of your baby dying in a stroller accident.
Go to store, where you imagine chocking accident, kidnapping, getting hit by a car, buying food that has been poisoned, buying toothpaste that has explosives in it, baby having severe allergic reaction to new food.... include trip to hospital, tearful last good-bye, and eulogy ad baby's funeral. Cry again in parking lot.
***********************
So, I don't know that it has so much to do with mommy wars or pressure on new mothers as all these things tend to go together. These type-A moms are most likely to be middle or upper middle, they're more likely to internalize the mommy wars, but the actual anxiety fantasies that are so crippling aren't really the result of mommy wars, they're the result of this over-active, over-charged part of your brain that's been really instrumental in your achievements so far because it has allowed you to plot out everything from test preparation to requests for promotions, but when you add the baby, the hormones, and the isolation that women sometimes feel post-partum, that's the recipe for disaster.
You've just shown me my future when I finally have a kid. It's a very good thing I already have a therapist for anxiety. I have a variation on those thoughts just leaving the cats alone for a weekend!
It's good to be looking out for it, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to PPA. I was afraid it would happen to me too, and somehow A is like the one thing in my life I can be completely rational about. It doesn't make any sense, but none of it does.
Hugs mesh, I hope you can get some help and feel better. You deserve it.