Can I vent for a minute?

[verycontrary247]

I am lonely.

The majority of the people I hung out with were STBXH's friends originally- I've never done anything with them without him and would probably feel really weird doing so. I haven't met any people at school that I would consider spending time with outside of classes. My two best girlfriends are both out of state (one has been out at school for a long time, and the other moved a week ago).  I see my family regularly, and they are very supportive, but they are all pretty preoccupied with their kids/jobs/life. It makes me sad to go to the big group dinners they have at my parents house because it's my happy parents, my happy sister/her H/her baby and my happy brother/his pregnant wife/their baby- and I am by myself. 

I feel like I have plenty of support/people to talk to, just no one to do things with! There are 2 concerts I'd love to go to this week, but going to social situations alone makes me feel like a huge loser. All I want is someone to drink margaritas and go listen to crappy local bands with me. Why does this seem like such a feat to accomplish?



Also, I am so ANGRY- STBXH is not allowed to contact me at all during the MPO time frame. This, however, does not prevent him from talking to anyone else connected to me. I had my sister and BFF inform me that he was sending them messages on Facebook this afternoon acting all remorseful about what happened, saying everything was his fault and he hopes I forgive him blah blah. I feel like he's setting me up to look like the bad guy- I'll be that heartless bitch who refused to try to work things out even though he's really sorry and trying to make things better. I'm also pissed that even though he can't personally contact me, he managed to find a loophole. He KNOWS my friends and family will report back to me. He knows it, and he is using it to fuck with me when I'm trying to keep a clear head.

After letting myself be sucked into the madness for a while and getting play-by-plays of the conversation I told both of them that unless he was being threatening or posting about me/our relationship publicly (I unfriended/blocked him on FB) I didn't want to see it- even though I am DYING of curiosity to know what train-wreck thing he's going to do next.


Bleh. If you read this all :drink:.

[Deleted]

(hugs) I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I wish I had something wiser to say right now, but I only have hair pats and hugs.

[joshlyman]

((Hugs))

While I am lucky to have great friends, most have kids and husbands and lives to live, so I spend a lot of time alone now. XH was my BFF too, so it has been a huge adjustment. I took myself to the movies last night though and it was nice to just get out. If you feel comfortable, maybe go to the concert alone? Just getting out and doing something you love can really help, at least in my experience.

But yeah, being alone most of the time blows ass.

[Deleted]

Next week he will be sending them fb messages about what a bitch you are and how much he hates you.

Trust me. It will go back and forth like this for a while. Very good call on your part to have your family shut it down.

Please also warn them that he will try to get them to see him as the good guy trying to make it work...

You got this! You are doing all the right things

[azurely]

I'm sorry

Stay strong. I hope your friends and family ignore him and see right through what he's up to.

[verycontrary247]

nicbreeful I'm going to school full-time, watching my nephew 3 days a week and I work most nights/weekends. At this point I really don't have the time or resources to do something like that, though I do like the concept.

I really don't think there's a solution to my problem that I'd like at this point (aside from my BFFs moving back here right now!). It just makes it a little less shitty once I get it off my chest.

[flamingeaux]

Is there a library near by that you could bring your nephew to? Or even if you were to just bring him to get out of the house, and maybe you could see if they have a book club or something.

[leahmel]

((hugs))

I would love to get margaritas and see local bands. It's too bad we don't live near each other!


What about meetup.com? I always had luck there with finding things to do and making friends, and you can do whatever works for your schedule.

[Deleted]

({)verycontrary247(}) I wish I was closer to you.

[gault]

classic manipulator. I want to strangle him.

When he doesn't get a reaction from you this way, he'll try another way and on and on it will go for a bit. Stay strong. Join a few groups, go to free activities in your town. Making new friends sucks and is hard, but you can do it

[CurlyQ284]

I don't know where you live, are you in the DC area? I would hang out with you! I can't do concerts because I don't have a sitter yet for LO and TBH I am totally lame and have zero night life but we can do lunch at least

[Deleted]

Not sure where you live either, but have you tried meetup.com? My sister was in a similar situation, lived in a big city, no family nearby, was single without kids, worked crazy hours and she made a lot of friends and acquaintances randomly going to meetup events.

[Bernadine]

Tell your friends and family you don't want to hear it. The people who know you and love you will know the truth, and who the fuck cares about the people who don't? The best thing I did after I left was to put distance between xh and I. I felt like a cold-hearted bitch at first, but it was so much better for me.

I'm sorry you're going through this, though. Are there an sport/social clubs you could join? I joined a kickball team without knowing anyone else on the team, and ended up meeting some really cool people and having a lot of fun.

[toepick]

I'm sorry - I'm in this situation, and there is no easy solution. I have lived in this city for 5 years and finally have a small group of friends outside of my coworkers. What I found is that I just needed to ask people to do things...there was a girl at the gym that I was chatty with and one day I just asked if she wanted to grab a beer after class. Now we do stuff all the time. I tried meetup but didn't meet anyone - I keep saying there should be a match.com for friends!

[verycontrary247]

Apr 2, 2013 7:39:57 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I don't know where you live, are you in the DC area? I would hang out with you! I can't do concerts because I don't have a sitter yet for LO and TBH I am totally lame and have zero night life but we can do lunch at least

I'm down near Va Beach :0/

[verycontrary247]

I tried using meetup a while back when STBXH was deployed/underway all the time. I went to 2 different groups and both times it was super awkward.

I'm....hesitant to try again, but perhaps I'll give it a look.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 8:36:49 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I tried using meetup a while back when STBXH was deployed/underway all the time. I went to 2 different groups and both times it was super awkward.

I'm....hesitant to try again, but perhaps I'll give it a look.

i found a good meetup group awhile back, and didn't stick with it forever, but it was great in the short term when i really needed it.  mine was a new moms group; maybe there's one that's similar you could do?  or a book club?

ETA: similar meaning it's a group for people who have something in common, so at least that's a starting point for getting to know one another.  not that you're a new mom  


as for the contact with your family, excellent job telling them to leave you out of the loop.  i'd contact the coc too.  there may be a chance, depending on how the restraining order type thing is structured, that what he's doing is in violation.  maybe not, but either way it doesn't hurt to let them know that, so far at least, he's NOT leaving you alone or cottoning on to his anger management classes.

have you been in touch with a lawyer yet?  are you proceeding with changing the locks/moving/the divorce? 

[5hole]

I'm sorry. Loneliness sucks.

Is there anyone in your classes you think would be cool to hang out with?

[karmasabiotch]

Are there any groups you can join so you can have a built in social activities? Pet rescues? Political causes? Habitat for humanity? Yoga class?

Find a hobby you can do at home to keep you busy. Start reading everything you can find by your favorite author. Walk around the block. Download a bunch of man hating songs you can work out too.

Stay strong and hugs...

[mamasaurus]

Enjoy the single life! Going to concerts alone can be really fun. Try having dinner at a new place your STBXH wouldn't have wanted to try, and bring a book to read. Look for activities going on in your area. A couple of my friends actually discovered new hobbies after breakups because they always wanted to try ______, but their exes weren't into it, and they did everything together. This could be a really fun time for you.

[verycontrary247]

I sent CMC an email letting him know what's up.

I've been looking for a lawyer but I have not found one yet. The 2 I met with just made me feel really uncomfortable but I don't know how to find one that is awesome. Is there like, a ratings site for lawyers? I wish I could find personal references but most of the people I know aren't married yet or are Mormons (who rarely rarely rarely get divorced).

[cheeseandcrackers]

One step at a time. You are going through a huge life change, and I totally understand you being lonely, but don't be too harsh on yourself. You will find friends soon and things will be better.

[Wrath0fKuus]

If anyone thinks you're the bad guy, feel free to tell them all the bullshit with your stbx and his "female friend."

[Bernadine]

Meet with as many lawyers as it takes for you to feel comfortable with one.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 10:40:50 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

I sent CMC an email letting him know what's up.

I've been looking for a lawyer but I have not found one yet. The 2 I met with just made me feel really uncomfortable but I don't know how to find one that is awesome. Is there like, a ratings site for lawyers? I wish I could find personal references but most of the people I know aren't married yet or are Mormons (who rarely rarely rarely get divorced).

Divorce is more common among LDS people than you think. I'd ask them anyway, you might be surprised. 

Also ((hugs)) you are handling this so well. You're going to get through this. 

[thebamker]

I'm sorry

I'm not a lonely type, but I too, had most of my local friendships evaporate when I got divorced. xh has lived here his whole life so most of the people I know, knew him first.

I'm trying to make new friends and it's hard. Hang in there. Obviously this place is here if you need a few hundred pals