I need to vent (long)

[Deleted]

My mom had knee replacement surgery a week ago.  We, my SIL, aunt, and myself, agreed to be her main care.  My aunt is a recovering alcoholic.  She *had been sober for a few years after a few years of no contact with her.  That is a long story, but it came to alcohol or my mom and she, for a time, chose alcohol.  Fast forward to 2 months ago when my dad passed.  She decided to drink an almost full bottle of vodka, passed out, pissed herself, drew blood scratching my parents neighbor, hit my mom...alll in my mom's house while we were buying a funeral plot.

while my mom wasn't crazy about her sharing in the care, we knew aunt wouldn't take no for an answer.  She showed up for mom's surgery on Wed morning and did not leave until my mom left on Sat.  She was sick the whole time, kept mom up coughing all night, didn't shower, was just more of a pain than help.  My mom asked and told her to leave multiple times and she wouldn't.  

Now mom is home.  SIL lives an hour away and has 3 kids.  I live 2 mins away, have 2 kids and my DH travels so I am the only one to be here with the kids at night.  SIL and I are sharing days and evenings and aunt is taking most nights.  She was supposed to be there around 6 yesterday.  She didn't show until 9.  SiL left at 5:30 and mom said aunt would be there soon so she would wait and have aunt make dinner.  Aunt got there and mom wasn't too sure she was sober.  Made her some food and fell asleep on the couch.  

I got there at 10 this morning after going to the grocery store for her.  My aunt was still asleep.  My mom had not eaten breakfast, dishes were piled, laundry was not folded, nothing had been done.  After aunt was awake for an hour she curled back up on the couch and slept until she left at 4.  Not making mom lunch before she left.  By this time mom was so mad, she didn't even ask her to.  She just wanted her gone.  

Mom told her that her friend that is coming to visit tonight was staying the night so she wouldn't come back.  Friend is not spending the night, though that may change.

i am irate, you may even say I have RAGE .  I don't know what is going on with aunt and at this point I don't care.  My mom needs help and aunt is not helping.  I will probably pack the kids up and stay there tonight.  SIL and I are going to talk to her tomorrow and try to get her to come here or SILs house for a few days till she gets stronger.  The thought keeps creeping into my head how furious my dad would be if he knew this is how aunt was "taking care" of her and it makes me that mich more upset.

Whew, that was long.  Thanks for letting me get that out.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Have you checked into home health or a short term facility to alleviate all of this going back and forth? It sounds like it would be worth it just to avoid the stress on you and your SIL and having to interact with your asshole aunt.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 18:48:16 GMT -5 thinkofthesoldiers said:

Have you checked into home health or a short term facility to alleviate all of this going back and forth? It sounds like it would be worth it just to avoid the stress on you and your SIL and having to interact with your asshole aunt.

My dad got a hospital acquired staph infection and went septic.  My mom is paranoid to go to a short term facility.  I can't really blame her.

Home health and PT come 3x a week each.  I have no problem taking care of her 24/7.  It's the darn kids that get in the way.  If she is here or at SILs and the kids are in the normal routine, it should be fine.  I really hope she decides to come stay with one of us.  SIL and I already agreed we would come to the others house while the kids are in school so she has a different mug to look at. 

[kristie]

Count your moms pills. Addicts tend to hang around after surgeries, because they have easy access to good meds.

[Deleted]

Apr 2, 2013 19:49:52 GMT -5 JayhawkGirl said:

Hang in there. My mom had both knees done about 8 mos apart and the first 10 days were hell but it did get quite a bit better after that second week.

And yeah, your aunt is making herself part of the problem rather than being part of the solution. She needs to stay away.

I think this will be how I approach it with my mom.  If she is at SILs or my house, aunt won't be coming for very long, if at all.  I think that may go over better than trying to tell her she needs the help at night.  I am afraid of coming off like I am treating her like a child.  I wish SIL was closer.  Her set up is much better than mine.  They have an IL suite in the basement, but she may not want to go that far from home.  Plus, I feel this strong drive to be the one taking care of her, I want to, with all we have been through.

UGH, being a grown up sucks.

[5hole]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this Aunt stress on top of everything else going on. It may be best to ask your mom to stay with you or SIL, just to make your lives a little easier.

It's not easy taking care of ailing parents - make sure you get a few breaks for you, now and then. ((Hugs))

[Deleted]

Did you see Kristie's response above? Count the pills!!