Help: Overemotional 4y/o

[eb777888]

Okay. S is a total chill kid. Always has been. Easy, happy, social, awesome.

Lately, over the past six months or so,  he's been SUPER emotional about certain things. We first noticed this when we introduced board games over Christmas. He gets PISSED and aggressive if he loses. He throws a temper tantrum, cries, throws a fit, gets aggressive. We talk him down, tell him we don't want to play with him if he has that attitude, we talk about good sportsmanship and all that. We still play games and it's still going on. We stop playing when he throws temper tantrum, which inevitably happens when he eventually loses.

Another thing, if something minor happens like his Lego's break, he can't find his light saber, his show turns off, he MELTS DOWN. Cries, real tears and acts.... like a baby. His preschool teacher says he does this at school as well. We don't baby him, we're pretty tough at home. I want to let him express his emotions but his crying is out of control and it's over the most minor things. If he skins his knee or is seriously hurt, he doesn't even act like this, it's a total emotional thing.

I need help, I need some suggestions if anyone has them. I talk him down, tell him to pull himself together and use his big boy voice but it's not working. 

Any suggestions?

[eb777888]

We are all about protein, Sue. I swear, he eats a ton.

And I was hoping you'd answer! I guess I put him in time out when he does this, then?

[goaskalice]

I was like that. For me, it was socks. At 5 I suddenly needed a new pair of socks everyday because old socks were scratchy and they hurt my toes. I had a meltdown over socks every morning. I was a pretty easy going kid according to my parents so it freaked them out. They took me to a therapist - fwp for sure - who said I was just a sensitive A type kid and I'd grow it of it. I did, thank god, but until that happened mom just had to be firm with me and make me realize sometimes I can't control everything.

[eb777888]

It's funny, we have just got over Easter and he did eat a ton of junk over Easter. We really noticed it Christmas day (hello candy), today and a lot in between but today has been epic. We played a game of TicTacToe and S lost his shit when he lost. LOST.HIS.SHIT.

I'm sure his diet makes it worse, but it's still an issue even when his diet is fantastic.

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 19:10:05 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

I was like that. For me, it was socks. At 5 I suddenly needed a new pair of socks everyday because old socks were scratchy and they hurt my toes. I had a meltdown over socks every morning. I was a pretty easy going kid according to my parents so it freaked them out. They took me to a therapist - fwp for sure - who said I was just a sensitive A type kid and I'd grow it of it. I did, thank god, but until that happened mom just had to be firm with me and make me realize sometimes I can't control everything.

lol, I just said to H "maybe we need to take him to someone." It's worrying because like you, it's SO out out of character for him. Sensitive is a good word for it.

[goaskalice]

Apr 2, 2013 19:14:20 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Apr 2, 2013 19:10:05 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

I was like that. For me, it was socks. At 5 I suddenly needed a new pair of socks everyday because old socks were scratchy and they hurt my toes. I had a meltdown over socks every morning. I was a pretty easy going kid according to my parents so it freaked them out. They took me to a therapist - fwp for sure - who said I was just a sensitive A type kid and I'd grow it of it. I did, thank god, but until that happened mom just had to be firm with me and make me realize sometimes I can't control everything.

lol, I just said to H "maybe we need to take him to someone." It's worrying because like you, it's SO out out of character for him. Sensitive is a good word for it.

If it makes you feel better, go for it. I love therapy   

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Lucy's been like this for a few days, too. In think its sugar related, as well as her having strep. Oh and because four year olds are total dickheads

[muffin0]

We're in the same boat.

DD got a letter home today. 1.5 pages long. (omg!)

Basically she has been melting down over everything.

Getting dressed
Socks
Shoes


Today at school she refused to do school work, cried and cried and "wanted to go home" she went to the directors office, then went to the playground and cried because she didn't want to play (she had permission to) all of a sudden she snapped out of it and was fine for the rest of the day

She came home and I put her in her room and told her to clean up. She didn't - she ended up loosing most of her toys and then had to right her teachers an apology letter.

I'm not sure what to do, but the teacher suggested we go talk to the behavior lady at school.

I'm freaking out - she has been fighting UTI's on and off since Christmas - which is when we noticed the crappy behavior, so we've kind of ignored it but the last two weeks she's gone off the deep end.

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 19:19:24 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

Apr 2, 2013 19:14:20 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

lol, I just said to H "maybe we need to take him to someone." It's worrying because like you, it's SO out out of character for him. Sensitive is a good word for it.

If it makes you feel better, go for it. I love therapy   

I was thinking of calling his pedi for some guidance here. Thank you.

[eb777888]

So glad I'm not alone. Maybe it's a 4 y/o phase? It's just weird because the terrible 3's weren't even this bad. And it's not constant, but it happens enough that I'm like (huh) what the fuck do I do with this? And I'm not going to lie, I want to go soft when I see him crying real tears and he's truly upset.

If anything, I'd like to talk to a therapist just so I can get some guidance on how to handle him when he acts like this. I

[livinitup]

We didn't call it or treat it like a Time Out, but I did direct DD to the couch for her meltdown. I thought of and treated it like a safe space for her to do the crying and screaming. A little like "If you have to cry, go outside" sorta thing. Extremely effective - for both of us. I felt like she was building emotional integrity and I was not going bonkers. The hard and REALLY NECESSARY PART was to NOT engage when she was in a meltdown. No talking, explaining, rationalizing while crying/screaming. It was a true safe zone for her to work out her fit.

When her breathing got better and more calm and she stopped her crying jags I would call-out "You okay, now?" and when she said "yes" I'd go back in and hug her. It ended on HER schedule, not mine. That's the big reason why it wasn't a TO, a punishment. It was a safe space to have work out her feelings - both physical and emotional. At first, it was rough. She WANTED the attention and would get pissed that I left her on the couch. At first, I would have to stand there ignoring (gently with love) her until her meltdown calmed. But it was the best way for her to learn to cope. And for me. Interaction made it last longer and be more intense. Gradually, she could walk herself to the couch when upset and take a little moment until she was fine. Then, eventually, she turned 5 and didn't have epic meltdowns.

ETA: And I called her crazy-new bad behavior "spoiled behavior" - that was a big breakthrough. I went crazy trying to figure out how her shitty behavior could be corrected until I announced "Spoiled Behavior!" and treated it like anything else I was trying to correct. My breaking point was when she waved-off a previous favorite dinner and said "Mommy, make me something else." I about lost my shit and declared that "spoiled behavior" and sent her to TO, just like an offense to hitting or something. Worked well. I declared "Spoiled Behavior" a lot at the beginning of the 4's.

[eb777888]

Okay, sue. I'll try that! I need to print it out and tape it to his door, lol.

[Deleted]

When ds gets like that I tell him he's acting like a baby and ask him if he wants to be a baby again. No more
school, back to diapers, no more bike riding, etc.

I have no idea of this is "allowed" but it works.

Also, I'll tell him he has until I count to three to calm down or he's going to time out or going to his room until he chills. It's AMAZING how fast he can suck those tears back in.

[livinitup]

Apr 2, 2013 19:24:09 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

and seriously, no sugar. And fifty/sixty grams of protein a day.

sue sue - can you expand on this a bit? Is it a theory or goal for kids/people?

[daisyheadmaizie]

I have really struggled with 4 and 5 in terms of melt downs and how to handle them. DD has kick ass behavior 90% of the time, but once she loses her shit it is insane. Punishing or trying to talk to in the moment doesn't work, because she doesn't care then. She is just pissed. The best thing I have found is to put her butt in her room and ignore, which sucks as she is a screamer. I find her tantrums are worse if she hasn't eaten well or is overtired. I try to avoid those situations, but obviously that isn't always possible.

I think part of it is just learning about having feelings and emotions and how to deal with them. It has been super sucky, because I feel like the melt downs come out of no where and I always feel unprepared to handle them.

I try to focus on rewarding good behavior and choices, and there are pretty steep consequences for acting out. She gets some combo of early bedtime or time in her room, no tv, no fun outings, etc. there doesn't really seem to be a no fail solution. I am hoping she outgrows it soon.

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 19:32:14 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

When ds gets like that I tell him he's acting like a baby and ask him if he wants to be a baby again. No more
school, back to diapers, no more bike riding, etc.

I have no idea of this is "allowed" but it works.

Also, I'll tell him he has until I count to three to calm down or he's going to time out or going to his room until he chills. It's AMAZING how fast he can suck those tears back in.

Oh, I tell him he's acting like a baby. I'm sure it's something I'm not supposed to do but it helps.



I also tell him to pull himself together right away and use his big boy voice. He wipes his tears and cleans up his act for the mostpart so it helps, but I don't know how to stop it from happening to start with, you know? I feel like talking him down isn't working because the tantrums are still happening. I want to teach him to control his anger and 1.not be aggressive and 2.not be insanely emotional about simple things. Like today, a wheel from his Lego set rolled under the table and he started crying and screaming. This is not my kid, lol. He's never been like this. I really think it's partly due to too much sugar this week, but it's also been an issue regardless.

I'll try these suggestions. Thank you guys!!

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 19:38:16 GMT -5 daisyheadmaizie said:

I have really struggled with 4 and 5 in terms of melt downs and how to handle them. DD has kick ass behavior 90% of the time, but once she loses her shit it is insane. Punishing or trying to talk to in the moment doesn't work, because she doesn't care then. She is just pissed. The best thing I have found is to put her butt in her room and ignore, which sucks as she is a screamer. I find her tantrums are worse if she hasn't eaten well or is overtired. I try to avoid those situations, but obviously that isn't always possible.

I think part of it is just learning about having feelings and emotions and how to deal with them. It has been super sucky, because I feel like the melt downs come out of no where and I always feel unprepared to handle them.

I try to focus on rewarding good behavior and choices, and there are pretty steep consequences for acting out. She gets some combo of early bedtime or time in her room, no tv, no fun outings, etc. there doesn't really seem to be a no fail solution. I am hoping she outgrows it soon.

This is really helpful, thank you. The bolded part is exactly what I'm dealing with.

You know, I'm really relieved to see other moms having the same issues. That alone is making me feel so much better.

[muffin0]

Apr 2, 2013 19:38:16 GMT -5 daisyheadmaizie said:

I have really struggled with 4 and 5 in terms of melt downs and how to handle them. DD has kick ass behavior 90% of the time, but once she loses her shit it is insane. Punishing or trying to talk to in the moment doesn't work, because she doesn't care then. She is just pissed. The best thing I have found is to put her butt in her room and ignore, which sucks as she is a screamer. I find her tantrums are worse if she hasn't eaten well or is overtired. I try to avoid those situations, but obviously that isn't always possible.

I think part of it is just learning about having feelings and emotions and how to deal with them. It has been super sucky, because I feel like the melt downs come out of no where and I always feel unprepared to handle them.

I try to focus on rewarding good behavior and choices, and there are pretty steep consequences for acting out. She gets some combo of early bedtime or time in her room, no tv, no fun outings, etc. there doesn't really seem to be a no fail solution. I am hoping she outgrows it soon.

Seriously this is my kid.

And when she screams I half expect my neighbors to call 911 or CPS because it sounds like someone is killing someone.

[daisyheadmaizie]

muffin0. We live in an apartment and I am terrified of my neighbors calling the police on me.

I should note that DD is currently screaming in her room, because she needs her vitamin. You know the vitamin I tried to give to her and she refused. ::sigh::

[muffin0]

Apr 2, 2013 20:03:01 GMT -5 daisyheadmaizie said:

muffin0. We live in an apartment and I am terrified of my neighbors calling the police on me.

I should note that DD is currently screaming in her room, because she needs her vitamin. You know the vitamin I tried to give to her and she refused. ::sigh::

Yeah this is my life. I'm sorry.

[adamantium]

It sounds like we have the same kid. Around 4 i noticed DS would get very upset if he didn't win or could not do things perfect. As an only child I think he was so use to playng with us and comparing to adult skills that he could not deal with being less then. DH and I had a long talk with him and started showing him all the things we are not good at. if he could not play nice we did not play.

Right now we are in the midst of dealing with a very bossy emotional 5 year old. It's like as soon as I registered for kindergarten he developed a "I am a big kid, you can't tell me what to do" attitude. Meltdowns with tears, sobs, collapsing on the ground or running to his room, you name it he does it. sueSue is right when it comes to protein, the days he has too much sugar or doesn't eat we'll are far worst then good days. We really try to limit or watch what he eats. We also do what she suggested with removing him and ignoring. It gets hard if your child is stubborn, DS will dig in his heals and cry and scream for quite some time in an attempt to get attention. I just try to remind myself being strong willed will be a blessing later in life. It's funny because at school he is the most polite and compassionate child, I get comments from other parents all the time. People do not believe me when we talk about these issues. Hopefully that means he hears me.

You are most definatly not alone.

[eb777888]

Apr 2, 2013 20:06:50 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Apr 2, 2013 19:36:19 GMT -5 livinitup said:

sue sue - can you expand on this a bit? Is it a theory or goal for kids/people?

It was the amount ds1's therapist told us to strive for.  Two scrambled eggs and a glass of milk in the am is 20-25 grams. A little cheese in the eggs and it's closer to thirty. Breakfast should have the most protein, least sugar, since it's been 10 or 12 hours since they've eaten anything and protein keeps blood sugars level. I found my kids behaved better with a high protein breakfast, all day, than if they had a lower protein breakfast and higher protein lunch/dinner. 

I make S eat his protein before anything. It's a rule in our house. He doesn't have a huge appetite in the morning. He usually only has a yogurt. Maybe I can get him to eat some egg whites. I'll try tomorrow morning since I still have a ton of easter eggs in the fridge! I know I laugh about it but I truly do believe in your protein theory. I mean, it works on me, too so it must work on him.

[keyslover]

I am in the same boat. I just wanna tag this thread so I can read the advice later