I need to type this out so I can think about it

[Deleted]

and maybe get your thoughts too.

Tomorrow I should be getting my period. The PLAN was for me to go on birth control, thus insuring I would NOT get pregnant and my next cycle would only be 28 days and not some crazy 79 day fiasco. This also insured that if I got pregnant on our next treatment cycle I would not be beyond 24 weeks gestation because we went ahead and booked a cabin on Jam Cruise 2013, a floating music festival in January featuring our favorite band who we have seen a collective total of 85 times. We've wanted to go on this cruise for a while but my current job makes travel in January almost impossible. But we're most likely moving in January and I'll be leaving my job. The cruise is sailing during my 33rd birthday.

With that in mind, we agreed birth control was the way to go. BUT then I did the math again and realized I would have to sit out for not one, but two months. And now I'm not so sure. On the one hand, I really wanted to be able to look forward to this cruise and enjoy some time away from medication,, doctor's appointments and pee stick drama, I worry that I will go even crazier knowing that not only am I not pursuing pregnancy I'm actively preventing it. I have no ovulated in 11 months on my own as far as I can tell but miracles do happen, yes?

My husband and I talked last night about "trying" on our own for a cycle but I also worry that will just frustrate me as I prove, yet again, to have long anovulatory cycles. He is worried that I'm not emotionally prepared to face another BFN but I argue that it's a BFN no matter what if we're not trying. Also we'd be out $500 for the deposit for the cruise (maybe not though irrelevant story). But I would personally light $500 on fire if I could get pregnant.

I used to know what I wanted to do and now I don't. What do I want to do? We have yet to talk about this in person and H's flight was delayed so I won't see him until tomorrow. Need to collect my thoughts before then.

[iamali]

If it were me, I'd "try".

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

[Deleted]

I just don't want this to cause a rift between us but if it were up to me I'd try at least naturally. H is all "what's two months" and I don't want to say he's being insensitive but two months is a long time for me. One month sounded fun. Two?! My sister is due in September and I really really don't know if I can process that not pregnant. When I mentioned this to H he said "it's not a competition" and I know it's not but damn, can't do it.

[Brie]

Have you checked the cruise company regulations? I know that some won't let you sail in third tri or after X weeks gestation. I would do that first.

But other than that, 24 weeks seems sort of arbitrary. I'm 25.5 weeks right now and feeling pretty much normal. I'd be totally fine chilling out on a boat, listening to music, and eating myself silly. Yeah, you wouldn't drink, but you wouldn't anyway if you were 20 weeks or 12 weeks or whatever.

In your shoes, I would take a cycle or two off CM-checking and temping and all that shiz, but not go on BC either. Just kind of let what happens happens, and take it if it comes. I know it's easier said than done, but I think if you hide the BBT and HPTs it might kind of refresh you for going back into the more heavy duty treatment cycles.

[Deleted]

Yes the cruise company says 24 weeks so that's where I got it from.

I usually don't get any CM. I'm leaning against the bcp and just "seeing what happens" but part of me is already resigned to the fact that the next IUI won't work and we'll need to do IVF so I sort of want to get the IUI out of the way and then maybe take a break.

[slug*bug]

If going on the BCPs (and, as a result, predictably shortening your cycle?) would up the chances of conceiving earlier, then I'd do it.

If there's no advantage to the BCPs from a timing standpoint (and it sounds like there might not be?) then I'd forego them and roll the dice. As you said (and I'd agree) the $500 will mean nothing if the reason you give up the cruise is because you're too far along in a pregnancy to go.

RE: trying...it sounds like the downside of skipping the BCPs, though, is that you'd probably be testing when it sounds like you could use a break. To me, the mental vacation from worrying about what the tests will say could be a pro of the BCPs?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[mudslide]

Jun 6, 2012 19:40:29 GMT -5 Brie said:

Have you checked the cruise company regulations? I know that some won't let you sail in third tri or after X weeks gestation. I would do that first.

But other than that, 24 weeks seems sort of arbitrary. I'm 25.5 weeks right now and feeling pretty much normal. I'd be totally fine chilling out on a boat, listening to music, and eating myself silly. Yeah, you wouldn't drink, but you wouldn't anyway if you were 20 weeks or 12 weeks or whatever.

In your shoes, I would take a cycle or two off CM-checking and temping and all that shiz, but not go on BC either. Just kind of let what happens happens, and take it if it comes. I know it's easier said than done, but I think if you hide the BBT and HPTs it might kind of refresh you for going back into the more heavy duty treatment cycles.

The issue is the point of viability. It has nothing to do with being able to have fun on a cruise. There are not adequate medical facilities on-board a ship to take take care of a pregnant woman having complications, much less taking care of a 24 week preemie. They do check on how far along you are. An explicit letter from your dr stating how far along you are and granting you permission to cruise are required.

NQB, Your $500 deposit should be refundable up until final payment. Call the travel agency you booked through or the cruise line to ask.

[rex]

Waiting two months seems like an eternity now, but I assure you it will fly by. I don't think your husband is being insensitive, but like you said he probably just doesn't understand how it is emotionally for you.

When we were told to sit out for 2 months I seriously couldn't imagine it. Now two months has passed and we're trying again.

I don't have any real advice for what choice you should make because I can see pros to both. I just wanted
you to know I know what it's like to be in the thick of it and have to wait. Hugs.

[Brie]

Jun 6, 2012 19:50:21 GMT -5 mudslide said:

Jun 6, 2012 19:40:29 GMT -5 Brie said:

Have you checked the cruise company regulations? I know that some won't let you sail in third tri or after X weeks gestation. I would do that first.

But other than that, 24 weeks seems sort of arbitrary. I'm 25.5 weeks right now and feeling pretty much normal. I'd be totally fine chilling out on a boat, listening to music, and eating myself silly. Yeah, you wouldn't drink, but you wouldn't anyway if you were 20 weeks or 12 weeks or whatever.

In your shoes, I would take a cycle or two off CM-checking and temping and all that shiz, but not go on BC either. Just kind of let what happens happens, and take it if it comes. I know it's easier said than done, but I think if you hide the BBT and HPTs it might kind of refresh you for going back into the more heavy duty treatment cycles.

The issue is the point of viability. It has nothing to do with being able to have fun on a cruise. There are not adequate medical facilities on-board a ship to take take care of a pregnant woman having complications, much less taking care of a 24 week preemie. They do check on how far along you are. An explicit letter from your dr stating how far along you are and granting you permission to cruise are required.

NQB, Your $500 deposit should be refundable up until final payment. Call the travel agency you booked through or the cruise line to ask.

Yes, I'm aware that there are medical reasons to not go on a cruise after a certain point in pregnancy. 24 weeks sounded early to me, which is why I asked. I thought it was later, like it is for flying. I don't think NQB should break the rules.

[CloudBee]

Try. I wouldn't put it off. We booked a trip to Guam knowing I could be 6 months pregnant at that time. The flight is like 20 hrs, lol. It would be worth the cancellation fee, IMO. It's win win. Either you're too far pregnant, or you go on the cruise.

[Deleted]

Yeah I just need to present a rational calm argument to H when he gets home. He is very much looking forward to the break but I think for the wrong reasons. I think he thinks the "problem" is going to go away for two months.

[Deleted]

You people saying try do you mean try on my own (probably futile) or try with science?

[h]

Unless you feel like you need a break emotionally, I would go ahead and try. If you don't get pregnant getting to go on the cruise will be a bright side, and if it does happen to be your month, I am sure you will be happy to trade the cruise for a baby. Either way you win. I think if it were me and I prevented, I wouldn't be able to stop the thoughts of "what if that was our month and we missed it?"

[krystee]

I think I would try with science. If you're not going to take a break, may as well go whole hog so you can move on to the next step more quickly if there is a need to--fingers crossed that there is not! I you try without science you could lose a month due to a really long cycle, right?

But if he felt really strongly about not trying, I'd suggest that not not trying (and not preventing) be the compromise. No BCPs, no science, just fun sex.

[kangaroo11]

I know nothing about the science-y stuff, but if the BCP would help for the next doctor-induced try, then I'd say do that. Otherwise, why be on BCP if you don't have to? If you get pregnant while off it, fucking awesome and goodbye cruise! If not, you go on the cruise.

I'll be like 26 weeks when I go to Italy and France, and my doctor said no biggie. lol

[mudslide]

Jun 6, 2012 19:55:56 GMT -5 Brie said:

Jun 6, 2012 19:50:21 GMT -5 mudslide said:

The issue is the point of viability. It has nothing to do with being able to have fun on a cruise. There are not adequate medical facilities on-board a ship to take take care of a pregnant woman having complications, much less taking care of a 24 week preemie. They do check on how far along you are. An explicit letter from your dr stating how far along you are and granting you permission to cruise are required.

NQB, Your $500 deposit should be refundable up until final payment. Call the travel agency you booked through or the cruise line to ask.

Yes, I'm aware that there are medical reasons to not go on a cruise after a certain point in pregnancy. 24 weeks sounded early to me, which is why I asked. I thought it was later, like it is for flying. I don't think NQB should break the rules.

I apologize. I mis-understood your intent.

[Deleted]

I knew you girls would understand. Why am I not married to you? I just think H will think this decision is reactionary and emotional. It's not like I can just seduce the kid in a few weeks. He has to sign consent paperwork in a few days if we decide science.

[kimibrighteyes]

If it were me, I would try with science. If I didn't get pregnant, I could go on the cruise. If I did, then I'd be happy I was pregnant. Either way is a win.

[Deleted]

Jun 6, 2012 20:28:23 GMT -5 krystee said:

I think I would try with science. If you're not going to take a break, may as well go whole hog so you can move on to the next step more quickly if there is a need to--fingers crossed that there is not! I you try without science you could lose a month due to a really long cycle, right?

But if he felt really strongly about not trying, I'd suggest that not not trying (and not preventing) be the compromise. No BCPs, no science, just fun sex.

I agree with this. And NQB I'd personally light at least $50 on fire to see you pregnant.

[Deleted]

Jun 6, 2012 21:36:03 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Jun 6, 2012 20:28:23 GMT -5 krystee said:

I think I would try with science. If you're not going to take a break, may as well go whole hog so you can move on to the next step more quickly if there is a need to--fingers crossed that there is not! I you try without science you could lose a month due to a really long cycle, right?

But if he felt really strongly about not trying, I'd suggest that not not trying (and not preventing) be the compromise. No BCPs, no science, just fun sex.

I agree with this. And NQB I'd personally light at least $50 on fire to see you pregnant.

Thanks! Maybe we can have some sort of MM performance art when it finally happens.

[Deleted]

Jun 6, 2012 21:50:35 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

You have to do 1-2 more IUIs before you move to IVF, right? If you are going to IVF, you often have to be on BCPs for a while anyway.

However, it really just depends on whether either of you want a break right now. The cruise is pretty irrelevant because as you said, you would happily light the money on fire if you got pregnant. So if you want to go ahead, does your H? Is he hesitant because he thinks you are too crushed by the last few cycles or is he saying that because he is crushed and needs a break? DH knew I was cycling, but he didn't really pay that much attention until he had to do his part and then again 2 weeks later when I tested. He could put it out of his mind much more easily than I could, but maybe your H is different.

My other concern is how many cycles do you have left before you leave your job and your insurance (and how good is your H's insurance/MA's insurance rules for IF coverage)? If your coverage quality goes down after your H changes jobs, then I would try to do as many cycles as possible before you move. If the coverage quality goes up or stays the same, you can pick your pace. IVF cycles can take longer than IUI cycles.

Good luck. It's a hard decision.

All good questions. I admit I was a total sobbing mess yesterday so I think my husband thinks that if I don't have my hopes up for a cycle or two that my emotional state would be better. However I feel totally fine today and ready to move forward but he's not here and I haven't been able to broach the subject long distance.

I think he has this notion that a break will give us some peace but unfortunately I don't think that's the case anymore. I don't know. I go back and forth. At one time the cruise seemed so awesome I was willing to postpone pregnancy but now I don't feel that way.

I'm on H's insurance. We have 4 more covered cycles left. We need to fail one more IUI before they let us do IVF.

[Deleted]

If you don't think a break will bring you any peace, then I would move ahead with the IUI. If it doesn't work, at least you will have the cruise to look forward to and you will be that much closer to starting the IVF process. Hopefully you will have to cancel the cruise though!

[Deleted]

NQB, do you think your husband is just scared for you? That sounds wierd but 2 months ago was my hardest BFN. I cried for 2 days. My husband caught me Farrah crying in the morning and I think it scared the crud out of him. He also wanted to take a break because he thought that the emotion and pressure was getting to be too much. We agreed to stop trying so hard. Maybe he needs to hear that taking time off is not going to solve the problem.

If I were you I would do the 2 months of BC if it will help regulate you or provide some benifit. Otherwise I would try medically.

[Deleted]

The birth control was purely for timing purposes and maybe peace of mind. No medical benefit.

[froggy76]

I would keep trying, either with IUI or on your own. A two month break can feel like an eternity when you're TTC and I don't think it's going to help you relax. Don't worry about timing and upcoming plans. If you have to cancel your plans because you're pg, you're not going to be upset about it!

[dcrunnergirl]

I think you should try with science. Break months are never "a break". You're always wondering when you're period will come, how much longer until you start again, etc. Also, I wouldn't go on BCP (unless it's necessary for IVF b/c I know sometimes it is), but that's just my personal preference b/c they seriously jacked up my cycles and ovulation.

[badtzmaru22]

I would keep trying with science. It sounds to me like your DH thinks a break will help your mental state, but that's not what I'm getting from you. My DH was kind of the same way when we were going through that shizz. He thought the temping and charting was making me more stressed, and maybe I should take a break from that, but it was actually helping me. I have PCOS and don't ovulate on my own (minus DD's conception!) so charting was the only thing keeping me feeling like we were even doing anything, since it's not like we even had a real chance every month.

(backstory: I knew I had PCOS forever, but it took almost a year and a new doc and then an RE to actually diagnose me.)

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide. Your DH sounds sweet, but maybe just talk to him and he'll get it. Men are just different when it comes to this stuff.

[yellowbrkrd]

Jun 6, 2012 23:48:55 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I would try with science. To me, it seems like the natural break would be gearing up for an IVF cycle if you end up needing to go that route.

I agree with this.

[UnderProtest]

Sorry I'm so late to the game on this post. I totally get where you are coming from. Definitely plan fun stuff to do so you have things to look forward to in the future. I made the mistake of only focusing on getting pregnant and it made my life miserable. As for the bcp, it seems like it might give you a little mental break, but I understand not wanting to wait two months. It can't hurt to try on your own, but it is still going to be tough mentally. Your husband may be trying to spare you some of that hurt. And I know I have mentioned it to you before, but have you thought about IF counseling? My husband and I stopped communicating well while dealing with our own emotions. I don't know that we would have made it without both talking with someone.