i'm the kid, you're the parent!

[sarack]

ok, so most of you know my story.. but if you don't, here is the short version:

my mom was a drug addict when i was growing up. my dad tried to fight for custody and it never worked out. when i was 11, my mom gave up. i moved in with my dad. during this time i didn't have much contact with my mom, she randomly goes off the grid and doesn't speak to me. except when major life events come up, engagement, marriage, babies. she's around, until it's over, and then she's gone.

so she got 'saved' a while ago. and i'm happy she is addicted to God instead of meth. she needed somewhere to focus her attention. we've been really kind and kinda of rewarding her 'good behavior' by buying her nice things and helping her with her bills. she still doesn't have a job. anyway, i've been nice, and i only pay for her insurance so she doesn't get anymore tickets. i know, this is already too much, imo.

so anyway, i get a text last night that says 'my phone is going to get shut off, i can't pay the bill. i so need a job'.

the only reason she sent me that is so i can pay her phone bill. i'm so annoyed. she got baptized 6 months ago and has been clean even before that. she should be able to go out and apply for a job and pass a ua. if she can't, obviously she's been lying. i called to pay her insurance last week and they were closed, she didn't know i was paying.. but thought it would be nice. i took it as a sign that they closed early for a reason. she needs to pay for herself.

i need all my extra money for my life. i didn't even text her back and now i'm avoiding her. i feel bad though. we find out the sexes tomorrow and i'm wondering if when i call or text it won't go through because she can't pay her bill. 

thanks for listening. i'm just so annoyed. i don't know what to do.

[jennlin]

i'm sorry you're going through this, but like you said, it's already a lot you're doing for her.

if it were me, not saying you should do this, or it's right, or whatever, i'd pay her phone bill this month so she can still be in contact and she can use it to get a job, or whatever.. i would pay the bill, then tell her you didn't pay her insurance this month, and you won't be able to anymore because you are saving for her babies. i'd offer maybe buying an outfit or two for her to interview in, but then that should be it. maybe phone bill next month, too...but that'd be the max.

good luck! *hugz*

[picksthemusic]

Apr 3, 2013 12:04:02 GMT -5 jennlin said:

i'm sorry you're going through this, but like you said, it's already a lot you're doing for her.

if it were me, not saying you should do this, or it's right, or whatever, i'd pay her phone bill this month so she can still be in contact and she can use it to get a job, or whatever.. i would pay the bill, then tell her you didn't pay her insurance this month, and you won't be able to anymore because you are saving for her babies. i'd offer maybe buying an outfit or two for her to interview in, but then that should be it. maybe phone bill next month, too...but that'd be the max.

good luck! *hugz*

All of this. *zombie hugs*

[Deleted]

Ugh, I'm so so sorry for this situation.

[ashleyp728]

I think I agree with Jennlin, if you are planning to help, do so in a way that will give her an advantage for the interview/getting a job process. Beyond that, like your title stated, she is the parent.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I must have missed the back story from before and I didn't know any of this. For what my opinion is worth, I think you are doing incredibly for yourself. I am sure she is very proud of you.

[sarack]

Apr 3, 2013 12:10:09 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

Apr 3, 2013 12:04:02 GMT -5 jennlin said:

i'm sorry you're going through this, but like you said, it's already a lot you're doing for her.

if it were me, not saying you should do this, or it's right, or whatever, i'd pay her phone bill this month so she can still be in contact and she can use it to get a job, or whatever.. i would pay the bill, then tell her you didn't pay her insurance this month, and you won't be able to anymore because you are saving for her babies. i'd offer maybe buying an outfit or two for her to interview in, but then that should be it. maybe phone bill next month, too...but that'd be the max.

good luck! *hugz*

All of this. *zombie hugs*

i've already done all this, including a session in how to put on makeup. she has said for the past 6 months she'd get a job. i've given her countless clothing and paid her phone bill multiple times. this time will be no different. she doesn't know i pay her insurance, unless she asks. she didn't ask this month, i was doing it nicely. but i am just over it. any money she ever has she gives it to my brother or sister who NEVER help her and live in the same town as her... 

[niq]

oh my god all the hugs. I'm so sorry you're going through all this. You are superdaughter today.

If you are still trying to maintain a relationship with your mom, at least when she wants it, I would pay the bill for this month and help her look into a free/discounted phone plan for her.

But really I don't think anyone would blame you for giving up on trying to maintain a relationship with your mom. But I know that's a hard thing to do.

more hugs!

[meshimeshi]

I have a different opinion, but I also have a similar mom. I don't know if you remember the talks about my mom that I've talked about before.

I used to pay my mom's cell phone bill also. Finally I got sick of it. I asked her for only $30/mo to cover the extra fees I was charged for having the extra line. She never paid me anything. This went on for two years. Finally I just decided enough is enough and I cancelled her phone. I was totally enabling her. After only one week I think?, she already had a home phone line set up in her name at her house that she was paying for. Just like that. People will find a way. But when you give in, you are their way. I guess it's a decision you have to make. Do you want to be the one to bail her out every time, or do you want to cut her off and make her solve her own problems? I'm not saying bailing her out is wrong, some people don't mind taking care of their mom. It's different for me because my mom has never taken care of me. I was always the one taking care of her and I was sick of being the parent and I told her as much.

[sarack]

Apr 3, 2013 15:07:38 GMT -5 meshimeshi said:

I have a different opinion, but I also have a similar mom. I don't know if you remember the talks about my mom that I've talked about before.

I used to pay my mom's cell phone bill also. Finally I got sick of it. I asked her for only $30/mo to cover the extra fees I was charged for having the extra line. She never paid me anything. This went on for two years. Finally I just decided enough is enough and I cancelled her phone. I was totally enabling her. After only one week I think?, she already had a home phone line set up in her name at her house that she was paying for. Just like that. People will find a way. But when you give in, you are their way. I guess it's a decision you have to make. Do you want to be the one to bail her out every time, or do you want to cut her off and make her solve her own problems? I'm not saying bailing her out is wrong, some people don't mind taking care of their mom. It's different for me because my mom has never taken care of me. I was always the one taking care of her and I was sick of being the parent and I told her as much.

thank you, this is how i feel too. it seems like she always finds a way, and i feel used and unappreciated. i really appreciat eyour response. i hope you're doing well!

[sarack]

Apr 3, 2013 21:24:10 GMT -5 @legalbritt said:

I'm really sorry Sarack (and meshimeshi). I have such a great relationship with my Mom and can't imagine how difficult it must be for you both to have that kind of complicated relationship. From an outside perspective Sarack I think you need to cut her off. You have not one but TWO babies to worry about. You're the Mom now, and not to her.

this is why i want a daughter so bad. i just want a real relationship with a daughter like i never had with my mom. maybe it's silly, i always wanted boys, but when i realized what i'm missing out on, i prayed that God would give me a daughter.. i'm just hoping H's spermies listened.. or God sent a girl sperm. lol!