What do you say in response to this??

[Deleted]

I have a friend/acquaintance at the community college I go to.he is in both of my classes on the main campus. I know a little of his background, mainly that he is a recovering drug addict and I'd married and wife is pregnant. He says to me the other day that he needs to talk to me, and I have no idea what about but he says it's major. I got concerned that maybe he relapsed since he told me his previous week was shitty.

He then proceeds to tell me that his baby is deformed, has calcium deposits in its brain, and that if it is born it will most likely be stillborn. They were recommended to terminate the pregnancy. She is 4 or 5 months along and they had a week to decide. He broke down crying. I felt like a bumbling idiot because ask I could say was "I'm sorry."

I am not a religious person and I don't know if he is so I didn't go the God had plans route but was just so shocked he confided this in me and I couldn't say anything to help. I'm not a touchy feely person so I didn't even offer a hug.
I probably just looked like a cold bitch.

What would you have said/did??

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[melindafelinda]

I'm so sorry and I'll be thinking of you. And then ran away.

[Deleted]

I think I would have handled a relapse better than this situation.

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[lime]

I would have done the same as you, something like "I am so sorry you are dealing with this."

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2013 21:45:56 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

He's an acquaintance? I'd have said exactly what you said, and would not have been hugging or touching. This is sad, but does not require you to be closer to him than you otherwise feel. If I'd had my wits about me, and I don't always, I'd have gotten busy finding a drink of water and some kleenex so he can pull himself together.

Yeah,I only know him from these two classes I have with him and have been taking since January.

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[VeryViolet]

I would have sat there awkwardly and said I was so sorry.

Honestly, as someone going through a pregnancy issue right now I can tell you that he is probably just focused on his wife and her grief and needed an outlet. I am probably internalizing this too much but I know my DH is terribly upset right now but doesn't know how to share that with me. Your friend probably just wanted someone to listen to him and by sitting there and doing that you helped him a lot. I would just say next time you see him that you have been thinking about him and leave it at that.

[cst2cst]

I think honesty is the best way to respond. "I'm so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine how impossibly hard this must be for you." And then, if you don't know what to say, say that-that you don't know what to say. There is no right thing to say in this situation. Being present is huge. You can also say. I"m not sure what to say, but I'm here to listen anytime.

[goaskalice]

Yikes, I probably would have said the same thing. People tell me deep dark secrets all the time, I guess I look trustworthy, and I still don't have a good script or anything. Sometimes people just need to tell someone and they don't even really notice your response.

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2013 21:50:52 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I just googled calcium deposits in fetal brains and apparently it's pretty common and not usually an indication of anything wrong, though it's POSSIBLE that it could mean something's wrong, it's almost always nothing.

Did he go into any details? He wouldn't be the first person to make up shit, and he wouldn't' be the first person to hear the worst case scenario instead of the best.

He said it had a few other defects too but I forget what they all were. He said the brain was almost completely calcified and that they had a week to decide really it out and probably be stillborn or terminate.

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[Deleted]

That was dip poised to say wait it out.

I do plan on kind of looking for some signs of relapse but am not 100% sure what to look for other than track marks. Heroin was his choice from what he told me.

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