Laying all my shit out there

[Bernadine]

It might not be a bad idea for you to see someone. I'm sorry you guys are going through this.

[Deleted]

((Astrid))

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[papie]

I'm sorry for both of you. Depression is HARD. Your feelings are normal. But he didn't DO THIS. It happened. And the thing with depression is that it paralyzes you, it is really hard to do something about it before it is too late.

Things will get better. He is seeking help. One step at a time.

(((hugs)))

[shoeless]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Its okay to be mad about this all, I would say learn from my mistakes and don't let it all boil up until its to late. Talk to someone now.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry you guys are going through all of this.

As someone who has dealt with ongoing depression and anxiety most of my life, I have to say that it can be really hard to realize or admit that you're depressed, and sometimes even harder to take the steps needed to get help. It sucks for everyone involved when it has to get to a bad place to finally seek treatment... but he's taking those steps now and hopefully will be able to manage his issues.

I definitely agree that you might want to look into counseling for yourself as well. Its surprising how therapeutic it can be just talking to someone.

[pantsparty]

How does he feel like he broke you?

I'm really sorry for the issues you're going through - I think some counseling would be helpful for you, too. I can understand you feeling angry, maybe someone can help you find good ways to cope.

[Deleted]

I agree with Shoeless, it's understandable to be upset. Talking to someone will help you with the frustration you are having before it boils over.
((hugs))

[rex]

I think it's definitely a good idea for you to see someone too.

I am glad your H is being proactive. Miscarriage IS hard on men, but add already existent depression and anxiety and it becomes worse.

hugs.

[daisybuchannan]

I'm so sorry. I agree that you talking to someone might help you sort it out.

My H had a hard time post miscarriage. I think sometimes they just feel helpless or out of control, because, well they can't really do anything to make it better.

[pantsparty]

I see. Well, it's good he's in therapy. It sounds like he is in a tailspin and a therapist should help him to regain control.

H+P for the both of you  (hug)

[winston]

I don't have any wise words, but I want to give you some hugs.

(((Astrid))) I'm really sorry.

[Yankees21]

I agree, I think seeing a therapist together could help. I'm really sorry you (and he) are going through this.

[thebamker]

I'm sorry astrid

[Deleted]

My H is bipolar, when he gets out of whack I find myself seeking counseling to help me deal with him. He is always in counseling.

[Kit]

((hugs)) I'm sorry, Astrid. I think seeing someone would be really beneficial for you, too.

[ElizabethBennet]

I'm sorry astrid.

I know you're angry at him, and that's fine. I'm not telling you not to be, but maybe he didn't realize it really was a problem till it got to this point. I struggle with depression and anxiety too and there have been times that it get's really bad before I even realize it.

[Deleted]

I have no advice, but I'm so sorry you guys are dealing with this *hugs*

[eddy]

Apr 4, 2013 10:42:18 GMT -5 @astrid said:

AND I am pissed that all of a sudden I am a train wreck. I have not been the least bit train wrecky in my whole damn life aside from about 6 months of poor choices at 18. I am smart and employed and put together. I should NOT be a train wreck.

You are NOT a train wreck. You are going through a tough time. There is no shame in going through a tough time.

I am PMing you.

[caitlinbree]

((HUGS))

In a lot of ways I can relate to exactly how you feel. I agree that you seeking out therapy would be very helpful for you.

It was for me when my H was incredibly depressed.

[dana2006]

You're not a train wreck. You're strong and have weathered some really shitty stuff life threw at you. Vent here whenever you want, get the help you need, and things will get better. (((hugs)))

[mudslide]

Apr 4, 2013 10:30:53 GMT -5 papie said:

I'm sorry for both of you. Depression is HARD. Your feelings are normal. But he didn't DO THIS. It happened. And the thing with depression is that it paralyzes you, it is really hard to do something about it before it is too late.

Things will get better. He is seeking help. One step at a time.

(((hugs)))

I agree with this. He's doing everything he can and everything he needs to. I'm sorry you guys are going through this. ((Hugs))

[firedancer49]

I have nothing to add but I think papie is right. I'm sorry you both are going through this.

Hugs.

[malibu]

You know yesterday how you said I could be you?

Well for your post, you could be me. It's too bad we aren't closer in location. We could comisserate together.

big hugs to you. I know how much it sucks. All of it.

[wrathofkuus]

It's really common for one spouse to need therapy because the other spouse is depressed.

[angelaa73]

Keep astride astrid! He will be ruminating for a while on what will eventually boil down to crazy talk once you two are out of this rip tide. I'm pulling for you both. You are nowhere near trainwreck and I would never pull a punch if you were

sent from my I crashed my car into a bridge. I don't care. I love it.

[chickadee77]

Apr 4, 2013 10:37:49 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Apr 4, 2013 10:35:28 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

How does he feel like he broke you?

I'm really sorry for the issues you're going through - I think some counseling would be helpful for you, too. I can understand you feeling angry, maybe someone can help you find good ways to cope.

It's something to the effect that he feels responsible for the miscarriage and that he couldn't help me through the all the physical pain stuff.  So...by impregnating me he led to the non-viable fetus to the miscarriage to the pain and aftermath.

I think.

(((astrid))) My h is kind of like this, too. For some reason, he's taken the blame for my miscarriage as well as our current loss. He doesn't have the other issues you've mentioned, but he has already alluded to the fear of having sex again because thinking of what has already happened doesn't help his libido any. I understand it, sort of, but I don't agree. Just wanted you to know that your h isn't the only one out there with those particular thoughts and feelings.

And if you need to see someone, for goodness' sake, find a therapist. Nothing wrong with that - you're going through a lot, and helping your h go through a lot, too.

[denise]

I'm sorry astrid

[BlackCanary]

I am really sorry you and YH are going through this.

Not too long ago I was in YH's shoes and DH was in yours. I had hit rock bottom with my depression and it took me a while before I finally talked to DH about it. We went into counseling together, it really helped. DH couldn't understand why he couldn't "fix" me and he couldn't figure out what was wrong. It was really helpful for him to hear the counselor explain my mental state and why I couldn't just "get better." Those were the counselor's words, not DH's. I went to a psychiatrist and he put me on a different med and it has helped me immensely. I still see the psychiatrist every few months to keep him updated on how the med is working for me.

Having not been in DH's shoes, I can't really give advice on what you should do. I can however tell you what helped me. Even though DH didn't quite understand what I was going through, it did help that he was there to hold my hand and just be there for me. I can understand your frustration and anger, DH had that as well. I hope everything works out for you guys, T&P.  (hug)