What makes a good therapist?

[silva]

Because I'm not feeling the love with them. It feels like they are listening and that's it. I was hoping to be challenged by them rather than have yet another person just listen, understand and repeat what I'm saying.  I mean my last guy asked me questions and offered ideas but it wasn't enough.

[silva]

Thanks Beagle.

That makes sense. My thoughts today are very cloudy and grey today. I guess I should have asked if there are therapists who are more challenging because I'm not meeting them.

[stato]

There are therapists that challenge you. I have one, and while he is generally caring, understanding, gentle, etc., he has no issue calling me on my shit in no uncertain terms when the occasion warrants it. He's actually told me something I said is, "the most fucked up thing you've ever said to me." (Which, while, um ... unconventional ... I thought was hilarious. But I've known him a long time and he wouldn't have said it if he didn't know I wouldn't be offended).

[julez]

Honestly, I feel like it's finding the right partner or the right house. You just KNOW. Or at least I did. After years and years of trying therapists here and there, I found the one who works for me. A friend recommended her, and that friend and I are both each others' emotional sounding boards, so I knew that chances were that this therapist would be good.

The whole time I watched the Sopranos, I remember wanting Dr Melfi as my therapist. I need someone who is friend-like (but who also has impeccable professional boundaries - so not Dr Melfi, ha.)

[thebamker]

I don't feel like mine challenges me enough, but I believe he does what he does purposefully. I'm so self-depreciating all the time that he probably doesn't want to throw gas on my already blazing fire. and truth is, part of the reason I got divorced is because I felt like I was constantly questioned about every decision I made, or thought about making. I'm certain he doesn't want to mimic that.

I think a good therapist is someone who you don't feel like you have to get on your side. You can tell the whole truth and they help you process it correctly.

[open24hours]

I agree with those who said a 'good' therapist is subjective and depends on the person. However, I wonder if you are working with therapists who are more CBT-oriented or psychoanalytic-oriented. Both approaches can be challenging depending on the person and the situation, but maybe your therapists are pursuing one approach when you may need the other.