So in today's edition of "Completely Inadequate Parenting"..

[felixfelicis]

I need suggestions guys.  Some form of this conversation keeps occurring with my two-year old DD.  This was yesterday:

 

Me:  DD stop trying to ride the dog, he's not a horse. If you don't stop you are going in Timeout, Do you want to go to timeout?

DD: Yes!

Me: Uh...okay. Well then sit there in that chair until I tell you to get up.

DD:  Okay Mama I'll sit right here.

Me: Uh...yeah...you do that.

 

WHAT THE HELL.  How do you discipline a kid that likes timeout?  Obviously I need to do something else because she doesn't see timeout as the result of negative actions.  Any other suggestions? I would try to take something away, but she isn't attached to anything so it would be pointless.

[rex]

She isn't attached to anything??? There's no toy she loves? No show she likes to watch? No activity she likes to do or place she likes to go?

That is baffling to me.

My only other suggestion is that since she seems to like the dog so much, keep the dog away from her. So if she climbs on the dog, no more playing with the dog.

[VeryViolet]

I don't have kids and my nephew sat in timeout happily for 45 minutes on my watch one time. So I shouldn't be giving advice but that hasn't stopped me before. It seems like she is attached to the dog can you take him away somehow?

[hopecounts]

Apr 4, 2013 12:49:10 GMT -5 rex said:

She isn't attached to anything??? There's no toy she loves? No show she likes to watch? No activity she likes to do or place she likes to go?

That is baffling to me.

My only other suggestion is that since she seems to like the dog so much, keep the dog away from her. So if she climbs on the dog, no more playing with the dog.

This I'm a fan of love and logic where the consequence it's based on the behavior.
so if she isn't playing appropriately with the dog she doesn't get to play with the dog.
Ideally separate her from you and the dog while the dog gets your attention for one minute per age would be my rule of thumb, put her in her room or another safe place with a few toys with a gate or the monitor so you can keep an ear/eye on her but basically if she mistreats the dog he gets your attention and she has to play by herself.

[felixfelicis]

No she loves all her toys equally, she may get stuck on one thing for a couple days but there isn't anything that sticks out as something I could use. She loooooooves tv but we don't let her watch much so its not like I can tell her that she can't watch something unless its actually on when she acts up. The dog thing happaned yesterday so I used it as an example, it isn't a regular thing. Is my kid broken lol?

[rex]

No she's not broken. It's common for toddlers to not really understand time out or care about it.

I think you can apply the dog thing to other situations though.

Throws a toy, done with that toy. Acts up when watching a show, show goes off. Throws a tantrum at the playground, leave the playground. Rides on the dog, doesn't get to be with the dog.

She might just need consequences that are directly correlated with what she's doing in order for her to understand.

[Deleted]

oh man. I have no advice, just commiseration. We have that same thing all the time. "Lucas, if you do that again you will have a time out." "ok!"*does whatever it is and goes to time out* The only thing I can take away is his frog lovey, and he gets seriously heartbroken when I do.

[livinitup]

I like Love and Logic, too.

But Time Outs don't (and shouldn't) be this horrible punishment. They are just consequences for behavior you want to change. I've had DD do something, look at me and say "That's a TO, right mommy?". It was, so I said, "Yes" and set the timer. It still WORKED as a tool for her to anticipate the consequences of her behavior - which led to behavior change.

And I used the age = minutes in TO. So, at 2 years old, it was always 2 minutes. When the timer chimes, it was done, hugs on her level and then eye to contact with a statement of the behavior you want to see.

Sometimes it feels really effective, sometimes its messy or sometimes its lackluster. It's just a tool. But over time a good, consistent tool.

[luckyval]

First of all, your dog is super cute!

Second, can you try a positive reinforcement approach instead? Like, if you go all day/week without riding the dog/shaving your brother/throwing knives, you'll get xyz

[felixfelicis]

Good points guys, I'll try to fit the punishment to the specific crime and see how that goes

[Captain Serious]

J is like this. There are few consequences that matter to him. In addition to not letting her play with the dog after that incident, another thing you could try is adding tasks that she has to do--possibly in the form of what the adoptions/attachment world calls a "time-in," "Well, obviously you can't be trusted to behave, so you'll have to stick right by my side and help me while I do my chores."

And contrary to the school of thought that says you shouldn't point out why a certain consequence was given, I am a big believer in being explicit about it. It up's the learning curve and helps them make the connection much quicker between the behavior and the consequence. My sons are older and sometimes have punishments that span longer than a day. Whenever they ask about the consequence or it comes up, ask them if they remember why they lost that certain privledge or had to do something extra, and if they don't, I remind them.

[felixfelicis]

Apr 4, 2013 13:04:17 GMT -5 luckyval said:

First of all, your dog is super cute!

Second, can you try a positive reinforcement approach instead? Like, if you go all day/week without riding the dog/shaving your brother/throwing knives, you'll get xyz

Thanks! He was the cutest puppy ever. He's 4 now and about 100 lbs heavier lol.

[Deleted]

Sticker chart?

[felixfelicis]

Apr 4, 2013 13:26:50 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

J is like this. There are few consequences that matter to him. In addition to not letting her play with the dog after that incident, another thing you could try is adding tasks that she has to do--possibly in the form of what the adoptions/attachment world calls a "time-in," "Well, obviously you can't be trusted to behave, so you'll have to stick right by my side and help me while I do my chores."

And contrary to the school of thought that says you shouldn't point out why a certain consequence was given, I am a big believer in being explicit about it. It up's the learning curve and helps them make the connection much quicker between the behavior and the consequence. My sons are older and sometimes have punishments that span longer than a day. Whenever they ask about the consequence or it comes up, ask them if they remember why they lost that certain privledge or had to do something extra, and if they don't, I remind them.

this makes sense.

[Deleted]

My mom had to do three different punishments for all three of her kids. My sister is very social and hates to be alone so she got sent to her room with the door closed. Drove her nuts wondering what she was missing.

I didn't mind being left alone, I could read or amuse myself, so my time outs were in the corner with nothing. HATED that.

My brother didn't care about either so she would make him follow her everywhere and stand next to her while she was doing whatever (sewing, cooking, cleaning) which annoyed him.

[Deleted]

Apr 4, 2013 13:34:46 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

My mom had to do three different punishments for all three of her kids. My sister is very social and hates to be alone so she got sent to her room with the door closed. Drove her nuts wondering what she was missing.

I didn't mind being left alone, I could read or amuse myself, so my time outs were in the corner with nothing. HATED that.

My brother didn't care about either so she would make him follow her everywhere and stand next to her while she was doing whatever (sewing, cooking, cleaning) which annoyed him.

You have a very smart mom!!!    I wish I would have thought of the follow me around thing.  do you think it would work on a 22 year old??  lol   yes he still lives at home   ~sigh~  

[moolarkey]

I have news for all the toddler moms.... some of them never out-grow it. DS is really smart but couldn't be bothered to turn in homework. I would check it, make sure he did it. Then find out he didn't turn it in. So his grades weren't what they should be. We went round & round with this kid for years, nothing we took away bothered him......until......he was old enough for a driving permit. DING DING DING... we have a winner. Grades had to be up for 2 successive 9 week grading periods in order to get his learner's permit. Grades had to stay up to get his license. Grades had to stay up to keep his license.

This same kid sat on his bed and cried (real tears) to me one night -" MOM! No college is going to ever accept me with my average grades, I want to go to a good school!. " Well luckily the kid tests like crazy, his scores were so stinkin' high that even with his average grades he got in to every college he wanted in to. He realized at that point that turning his homework in would have raised just about every grade a letter grade. Too late my child.

That kid just about drove me around the bend...after he got his grades up so he could get his learner's permit, of course.