Gals that have been through a divorce.

[joshlyman]

How long until you felt "good" or normal or like you finally stepped off the fing emotional rollercoaster?

I keep going from Fuck Yeah! Single! I am Woman, Hear me Roar! to OMG this sucks I have lots of sads. I would kinda like to stop feeling so crazy anytime now.

[walterismydog]

My divorce, probably 9 months or so.

My recent breakup (6 year relationship, no marriage) was an emotional rollercoaster for the last two years of it, soooo I feel like I was already so far done when we finally split that it didn't take me long to get over it. It's been 4 months now and I feel fine. Not ready to look for a relationship or anything.

(((hugs)))
Hang in there. How long has it been?

[kcandbrae]

less than a year, maybe 9 months or so?

hang in there, sweets. time heals.

[girlfriday11]

It definitely takes a while. The best thing I did for myself was to keep busy. Sounds cliche, but it really does help. I'm a homebody and I had to force myself to get out there and meet new people and spend time with my friends. I'm so glad I did too, I had a lot of fun being single.

[joshlyman]

8 months since he dropped the bomb, 2 months since he moved out and filed.

I am just pissed because I get into a good headspace then suddenly it's like "just kidding! You have the sads again!"

I am keeping busy, so that is good. I am in counseling. Also good. On paper I am doing the "right" things. IRL people keep telling me how impressed they are with how strong I have been. But in reality I want to say fuck it, lets eat the Ben and Jerry's in my sweats on the couch and not move for a week or so.

[joshlyman]

I'm also the only person in my immediate family and in my IRL group of friends, so it is hard to figure out where exactly I am on the scale of crazy. I'm a real trailblazer!

[Robot Jen]

At least 6 months, probably closer to 8.

[Deleted]

Funny, tomorrow is my 1 year divorce anniversary. Separated almost 2 years. I am still in a roller coaster honestly. Mostly due to my living situation and job. I quit a very good career to live with xh 5 years ago and took a "temporary" low paying job while he finished school. I am still stuck at this job and I now live with roommates instead of my own house. 90% of my stuff in storage.

I am doing much better than a year ago but the 2 factors mentionned above still weigh heavily on my morale. I finally decided to get a Rx for Lexapro last January despite being in therapy since July 2011. I would say that overall, things are not that bad almost 2 years later, sometimes better in some aspects but I am still struggling emotionally every week.

ETA: I moved like 4,000+ miles away from my family (that I LOVE) and best friends to be with xH. So it also had and still has a huge impact on my morale.

[Bernadine]

I'd say 4 months after I left. I got into counseling immediately. My divorce will be final by the end of the month, a year and a half after I left.

[StormyDixon]

Right away, but then again I was dealing with an alcoholic

[sunshineray]

Creepy lurker here. I'm going to have to agree with PP. I was married to my exH for about 5 years (from 18-23) and I was the one that filed and left. Honestly, it was still an emotional roller coaster. It took me about a year to really be ok, and that was with a lot counseling. We have a daughter together, so I would also mention that I think it's "easier" if there are no kids involved. That being said ((hugs)) to you. Give yourself time to grieve the end of the relationship. I also was the first person/family member I knew to get divorced so I do think that made it harder.

ETA: I have been divorced for about 6 years now and have a good relationship with my ex. We're not BFFs but there's no hard feelings. 

[joshlyman]

Apr 4, 2013 18:56:49 GMT -5 sunshineray said:

Creepy lurker here. I'm going to have to agree with PP. I was married to my exH for about 5 years (from 18-23) and I was the one that filed and left. Honestly, it was still an emotional roller coaster. It took me about a year to really be ok, and that was with a lot counseling. We have a daughter together, so I would also mention that I think it's "easier" if there are no kids involved. That being said ((hugs)) to you. Give yourself time to grieve the end of the relationship. I also was the first person/family member I knew to get divorced so I do think that made it harder.

ETA: I have been divorced for about 6 years now and have a good relationship with my ex. We're not BFFs but there's no hard feelings. 

Yeah I am glad we have no kids, but at the same time I am freaked out I will never have them now :/ We were married 6 1/2 years, so no drop in the bucket.

Thanks ladies!

[Deleted]

We were only married for a year and a half when I filed.   I found out a bunch of things he had lied about and hidden from me and, if I hadn't been pregnant, would have left and filed for an annulment after six months.  I tried to make it work for DS but realized it wasn't going to and wanted him out of that toxic environment before he was old enough to realize how much his parents being together sucked.  It was surprisingly easy for me to make decisions but I was also being screamed at and called names on a daily basis, so my life improved drastically when I moved out.  I practically did cartwheels out of the courthouse the day it was finalized, I was so happy. But despite that, it was still really hard to be stuck co-parenting with someone I liked so little and I felt so stupid for getting into that marriage and had to find a way to forgive myself and mourn the loss of the dream.  The first couple of years were rough at times but, over all, it got better every day.  It's still  difficult to deal with him sometimes but since I got seriously involved with SO a year ago, X has actually backed off with his stupidity a lot.

I don't think there's one clear answer and it just takes as long as it takes.   Be gentle with yourself.  Eventually it really will all come back together.