Confessions

[G22]

Because I need somewhere to put these.

I am putting my 2 week notice in at work on May 1st. I was originally going to do this later this year right before we go on vacation this summer for a few weeks. But with starting IUI and my wonky schedule,  I don't see how I will be able to do both. So I'm quitting sooner. I am excited.

I wrote a huge blog entry about our struggle with infertility. But I don't have the guts to post it yet, so I saved it as a draft. Only a few people know about our struggle and I would love to share in case anyone else is going through it. I also don't feel ready to be that transparent with everyone I know yet. So I don't know if/when I'll ever post it.

I was craving a Big Mac meal from McDonalds. I ordered a large one, and ate all but about 10 fries that I dropped on the ground. I regret it now, because it completely canceled out my run earlier. And I feel blah.

[BNL2]

I'll confess that I'm trying to drink away the memory of my friend announcing her pregnancy yesterday and everyone in the room being excited and screaming like idiots. She told me a month ago so I didn't have to fake excitement but I just really wanted to cry yesterday. I still do.

That's all I've got right now.

[Deleted]

Hugs to you both! I'm pretty much completely over TTC. I'm about 90% sure I don't want to pursue treatment. We're working on our relationship before we make a decision own adoption (which MH still doesn't like) or living child free. Honestly, I can see myself happy and fulfilled either way. MH has been better this week and counseling has helped me recognize my triggers that cause me to shut down. We still have a long road ahead, but some of the hopelessness has started to subside. We had another blowout type fight earlier this week and now I can't even remember what started it. We had a nice day together yesterday and I'm hoping we can keep some of this momentum going.

[lola]

Oh man, hugs to everybody. But Gumby - congrats on quitting. God, I bet that feels amazing!

Mine is the same as Bons. I'm about ready to be done. I don't know what it is this cycle, but....I just don't know if I'm willing to keep doing this. Not to say I won't keep having sex, because of course we will and with unexplained IF I guess that's probably always enough, but I'm ready to be done TTC.

[degal99]

(hug) (hug2)  All around!!!

G22, congrats on quitting, it must be such a relief!


Confessions... a friend of mine is contemplating divorce, and I think she should.  And I'm secretly happy because I knew that she'd end up divorced (though, I thought sooner rather than this late).  I feel bad, but I know she'll be happier.

[genet313]

Hugs to all PPs here.  I don't even know what to say to you all, except I've been there, and am also there.  I'm starting to think I could really be OK with never having kids - I just need to find other peeps w/o kids to hang out with!  Can all of you ladies move to NYC?

Just had another pregnancy announcement this afternoon myself, after what was a great start to the day with DH.  I just HATE that I let it ruin the rest of this beautiful day.  

[genet313]

Apr 6, 2013 22:14:38 GMT -5 G22 said:

Because I need somewhere to put these.

I am putting my 2 week notice in at work on May 1st. I was originally going to do this later this year right before we go on vacation this summer for a few weeks. But with starting IUI and my wonky schedule,  I don't see how I will be able to do both. So I'm quitting sooner. I am excited.

I wrote a huge blog entry about our struggle with infertility. But I don't have the guts to post it yet, so I saved it as a draft. Only a few people know about our struggle and I would love to share in case anyone else is going through it. I also don't feel ready to be that transparent with everyone I know yet. So I don't know if/when I'll ever post it.

I was craving a Big Mac meal from McDonalds. I ordered a large one, and ate all but about 10 fries that I dropped on the ground. I regret it now, because it completely canceled out my run earlier. And I feel blah.

Congrats!  I had a lot of mixed emotions when I quit my job in January.  Overall, though, it was a great feeling to be moving on.  It sounds like it is the same for you!  What's your next step?

[ilovecandy]

Apr 7, 2013 7:26:22 GMT -5 lola said:

Oh man, hugs to everybody. But Gumby - congrats on quitting. God, I bet that feels amazing!

Mine is the same as Bons. I'm about ready to be done. I don't know what it is this cycle, but....I just don't know if I'm willing to keep doing this. Not to say I won't keep having sex, because of course we will and with unexplained IF I guess that's probably always enough, but I'm ready to be done TTC.

This is exactly how I feel. Unfortunately h is not there yet. I just don't know if I can keep doing this.

[ilovecandy]

Oh here is another confession. I just made mozzarello sticks. This may become my new treat they are delicious!

I want a new phone. I have had my phone less than a year. I dislike it.

[G22]

genet313, were getting ready to start IUI this cycle. As for after quitting, I don't have a plan. Haha I've always seen myself as a SAHM so for now I'll just be a SAHW and see what happens, you know?

[mae141]

G22 That's cool about putting in your notice! Do you have plans for a job the future, or are you going to SAH? Also, when I read what you wrote about the Big Mac I pictured you scarfing it in a feeding frenzy and dropping fries all over the ground. I probably pictured it that way because that's what I would do.

ilovecandy I vote you get a new phone. If you don't like it, you should get one you do.

My confession: I tested this morning at 6 days past 5 day transfer, and it was negative. I have been a freaking mess all day. I didn't tell DH because I knew I shouldn't be testing so early and he'd be all positive and just try to convince me it's too early (which annoys me, because really it's not that early), so he just thinks I'm a raving lunatic at this point.

[G22]

mae141 lol If I looked like that while eating it, at least I was home alone. I don't really have a plan. H has known I wanted to be a SAHM one day. For now I'll be a SAHW. Honestly, we lived in CA for 6 months while my H was in training. I didn't work then and I was the happiest I've been in a long time. I'd love to do that again. I guess we'll just play it by ear for now.

Don't get too bummed out yet. You said yourself it was still early to test. Fingers crossed for you! Hugs sweetie!

[murdock]

Hugs to everyone!! Big time hugs!

Gumby-congrats to you on quitting.

mae141 I'm sorry. That's a really tough place to be. I'm crossing my fingers for you!!! Please keep us updated.

I confess I'm feeling overwhelmed. DH hasbeen having it rough in his business, so when it comes to income it's more up to me. Just like getting pregnant will be, staying pregnant/having a kid. Not that he could do those things; I'm whining-I need to stop.

[belovedbride07]

Apr 7, 2013 14:41:19 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Just had another pregnancy announcement this afternoon myself, after what was a great start to the day with DH.  I just HATE that I let it ruin the rest of this beautiful day.  

I've faced two pregnancy announcements today, and this is exactly how I feel.  I'm trying to just get over them because I want to enjoy the rest of the day, but it just really hurts.

[genet313]

Apr 7, 2013 17:05:15 GMT -5 G22 said:

genet313, were getting ready to start IUI this cycle. As for after quitting, I don't have a plan. Haha I've always seen myself as a SAHM so for now I'll just be a SAHW and see what happens, you know?

Good for you!  I was a SAHW for 7 months while DH was finishing up business school.  It was awesome, and I enjoyed every minute.  I hope your baby comes soon!

[genet313]

Apr 7, 2013 18:13:44 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

Apr 7, 2013 14:41:19 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Just had another pregnancy announcement this afternoon myself, after what was a great start to the day with DH.  I just HATE that I let it ruin the rest of this beautiful day.  

I've faced two pregnancy announcements today, and this is exactly how I feel.  I'm trying to just get over them because I want to enjoy the rest of the day, but it just really hurts.

 Lord, a double whammy.  Awful.  

I'm actually thinking about going public with our struggles so people just leave us alone and don't share news with us. I don't want to hear anymore, and I hate myself for that but I just can't deal.  And I don't want to feel crappy about that anymore.  

[lola]

Apr 7, 2013 18:34:33 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Apr 7, 2013 18:13:44 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

I've faced two pregnancy announcements today, and this is exactly how I feel.  I'm trying to just get over them because I want to enjoy the rest of the day, but it just really hurts.

 Lord, a double whammy.  Awful.  

I'm actually thinking about going public with our struggles so people just leave us alone and don't share news with us. I don't want to hear anymore, and I hate myself for that but I just can't deal.  And I don't want to feel crappy about that anymore.  

Going public is my biggest biggest biggest regret. I told my mom and sisters and now it's like THE ONLY FUCKING THING we talk about. Even when they don't bring it up, it's there...I know they're thinking about it and wondering how I'm doing and just afraid to ask.

IDK - I was firmly in the "Glad I told people so they just knew and weren't always wondering" camp for a while but lately I'm in the "Wish I had kept my mouth shut!" camp.

I'm actively trying to come up with a way to tell them I actually do not want to talk about it and to never bring it up again.

[HoneySpider]

Hugs, guys!

And congrats gumby on quitting! I am so jealous, I am miserable at my job right now but can't afford financially to just quit. I actually have this little side project I started working on recently that I'm hoping I might be able to turn into a FT opportunity in the future but right now, just haven't had the time to devote to it.

[bronxgirl]

I saw a PG woman today while I was at a tag sale and I almost started tearing up. Later my daughter told me she wanted to be a baby and for some reason, that made me sad, too.

[ilovecandy]

genet313

We went public after about a year.  We actually have no regrets.  But most people know if we want to talk about it we will, otherwise don't say anything.  My one sil on H's side will usually ask when she sees us how things are going but I don't mind that.  My middle brother's wife doesn't really seem to understand what it means because she makes comments all the time about she is so fertile, and then goes don't you guys hate it when people get pregnant before you.  Umm yeh thanks for reminding me you had 2 kids during the time we have been trying.  Other than that it has been good.  

My friend messaged me last night and wants to do a phone date this week.  I am bracing myself for a pregnancy announcement.  She told awhile ago that they were going to start ttc at the beginning of this year.  I will be happy but I would be lying if i said that it still doesn't sting, even though I am just ready to be done.

[genet313]

Apr 7, 2013 19:51:29 GMT -5 lola said:

Apr 7, 2013 18:34:33 GMT -5 genet313 said:

 Lord, a double whammy.  Awful.  

I'm actually thinking about going public with our struggles so people just leave us alone and don't share news with us. I don't want to hear anymore, and I hate myself for that but I just can't deal.  And I don't want to feel crappy about that anymore.  

Going public is my biggest biggest biggest regret. I told my mom and sisters and now it's like THE ONLY FUCKING THING we talk about. Even when they don't bring it up, it's there...I know they're thinking about it and wondering how I'm doing and just afraid to ask.

IDK - I was firmly in the "Glad I told people so they just knew and weren't always wondering" camp for a while but lately I'm in the "Wish I had kept my mouth shut!" camp.

I'm actively trying to come up with a way to tell them I actually do not want to talk about it and to never bring it up again.

Ah, that sucks.  Our families know, since I've already been pregnant once and announced that, and then had to do all the explaining afterwards of the m/c surgery and the follow-ups and etc.  That was awesome.  I will say my family has been very supportive (and my MIL is a therapist, so she's particularly sensitive, thank God), although my mom is taking it personally like she did something wrong to cause this, which is hard.  

  It's more just friends.  I don't want to talk about it with friends.  I don't want to talk about TTC, I don't really want to hear pregnancy news.  I just can't be 100% happy for people, and I feel terrible about that.  That's what I want to avoid.

[genet313]

Apr 8, 2013 8:04:51 GMT -5 ilovecandy said:

genet313

We went public after about a year.  We actually have no regrets.  But most people know if we want to talk about it we will, otherwise don't say anything.  My one sil on H's side will usually ask when she sees us how things are going but I don't mind that.  My middle brother's wife doesn't really seem to understand what it means because she makes comments all the time about she is so fertile, and then goes don't you guys hate it when people get pregnant before you.  Umm yeh thanks for reminding me you had 2 kids during the time we have been trying.  Other than that it has been good.  

My friend messaged me last night and wants to do a phone date this week.  I am bracing myself for a pregnancy announcement.  She told awhile ago that they were going to start ttc at the beginning of this year.  I will be happy but I would be lying if i said that it still doesn't sting, even though I am just ready to be done.

Thanks for your perspective.  Did you share with friends or just family?  

[dana2006]

My BFF got unexpectedly pregnant 6 months after giving birth to her first daughter. She's freaked out and excited, and wants to talk about it a lot. I heard her news the same week that my RE told me of our abysmally low chance of getting pregnant. I tried to rally for my friend, but after a while I just don't have it in me to be there for her. I try not to beat myself up with guilt, but I hate what IF has done to me.

[ilovecandy]

genet313
I first told my mom.  Then we told the rest of the family.  Then we told our friends. I don't shout if from the roof tops or anything but if you know me and we spend time together/talk chances are you know that I have unexplained infertility.  All my friends try to understand but most of them can't really.  They try to make it better by saying the relax it will happen, but after a look from me about that they stop.  Like I said in general we have had great support from everyone and they understand that if we want to talk about it we will otherwise don't say anything.  

[discogranny]

mae141 - FX that it is just too early. I did not get a positive until the evening of 7dp5dt and that was following a BFN that morning. I was a mess, but then ended up pregnant. It's not over until it's over.

A girl I graduated HS with just announced she is expecting #4. She had a miscarriage between #2 and #3. We have only been out of HS for nine years. I can't even imagine.

Hugs to you bronxgirl. I know it won't ever be 100% but I hope things get easier soon.

[speyedr]

Apr 8, 2013 15:55:46 GMT -5 discogranny said:

A girl I graduated HS with just announced she is expecting #4. She had a miscarriage between #2 and #3. We have only been out of HS for nine years. I can't even imagine.

I too graduated 9 years ago and have a classmate who is pregnant with #4. Three different fathers and two are fellow HS classmates. As much as I would give anything to get pregnant that easily, I also cannot even imagine. 

[KaraOrNot]

I am also over TTC and just feel numb about it lately. We barely put any effort into it last month (I gave up charting after a couple weeks, didn't do any OPKs, and I think we had sex once during my FW) and I am just not that into it this month either. Also, month after month of TTC has made our sex life crap. We were out of town all weekend and didn't have hotel sex once.

I am also over work. I have to meet w/ a difficult consumer tomorrow and have been fantasizing about calling in so that I don't have to deal with it.

[G22]

Apr 8, 2013 21:31:23 GMT -5 speyedr said:

Apr 8, 2013 15:55:46 GMT -5 discogranny said:

A girl I graduated HS with just announced she is expecting #4. She had a miscarriage between #2 and #3. We have only been out of HS for nine years. I can't even imagine.

I too graduated 9 years ago and have a classmate who is pregnant with #4. Three different fathers and two are fellow HS classmates. As much as I would give anything to get pregnant that easily, I also cannot even imagine. 

A girl i graduated with has 3 children, and fourth pregnancy that end in miscarriage. Its only been 8 years for us.

[jewel]

Apr 8, 2013 21:46:11 GMT -5 KaraOrNot said:

I am also over TTC and just feel numb about it lately. We barely put any effort into it last month (I gave up charting after a couple weeks, didn't do any OPKs, and I think we had sex once during my FW) and I am just not that into it this month either. Also, month after month of TTC has made our sex life crap. We were out of town all weekend and didn't have hotel sex once.

I felt like this a couple of months ago too. Moving on to IUI has really helped. I feel like we get the best shot at a chance through the IUI, and any sex is just a bonus. It's taken the pressure off of baby-making sex, since the sex probably won't get it done anyway.

[Deleted]

Hugs to everyone!,