Bigger age gaps

[lauranicole91]

So sorta the opposite of Trudy's post of 2u2 pros and cons.

Lets hear all pros and cons of bigger age gaps. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for everyone here with their BFPs-can't wait to hear more!-but as much as I want 2u2 we just can't swing it financially so we likely won't be TTC again for another 1-1.5 years.

So tell me how awesome it is to have a 3+ gap between siblings.

[ruby412]

This is our plan too, so I look forward to seeing what everyone says!

[ashleydl83]

My first two are 16.5 months apart, but DS2 and Lexi are a little over 5 years. Biggest bonus is that the older kids are a little more self-sufficient and aren't as needy. I don't have more than one kid in a diaper, and they love to help with her. If I need to go to the bathroom or something, they can entertain her and I'm not worried about something happening to her. I also get to enjoy Lexi being a baby a little more.

[The Foozzler]

I am hoping for a 3 year gap. I need a bigger gap so I won't have to pay for that much daycare at once. I can't afford daycare for 2 kids right now. That also transfers to college. I he to pay for my kids, and a bigger age gap will minimize them being in college at the same time.

[Deleted]

That is the age gap we are going for! Hoping for some good responses.

[musiclover]

okay, I think that I am one of the few on this board who has LO's 3.5 years apart.

We started TTC when Adam was 2 as my ideal gap would have been just under 3 years, but stupid infertility gave us a larger gap than expected. I'm just grateful to even have a 2nd child.

The Pros:

One set of diapers to change, that is pretty awesome.
Adam is pretty much able to do almost everything for himself, so that came in super handy when I was a sleep deprived mess in the beginning.
Adam never showed jealousy, at all ( he only really complained the first week because of all of the infant crying). Since he is 4 now, he is VERY smart and aware of how things are now. I can reason with him. I don't have to worry about a 2 year old freaking out because his baby brother took his toys, nope, Adam knows that we share toys in our home and it goes both ways.
Adam is sooo helpful, he always brings me diapers, and gives Nolan his Paci and can give me reports of what N is doing in the car when I can't see him.
He knows what a choking hazard is and is very vigilent about not letting his brother put tiny things in his mouth. He knows how to keep the gates shut, he knows that N only cries when he needs something, this helps him not to freak out when N cries.
I just overall love how helpful and understanding he is, and there has been no stress with trying to juggle two needy babies.  Andplusalso I had 3.5 years alone with just Adam, that was amazing!!!


Do you want to hear the cons?

[ruby412]

ashleydl83 and musiclover, I love hearing all of those positives! The best is that the older ones can help entertain the baby (taking some of the pressure of mom and dad) and also that they can be reasoned with. I realllly look forward to that day with Miss Violet.

Yes, Music, tell us the cons!

[devonpow]

I LOVE it. We have almost 5 years between kids. I feel like I had so much special one on one time with H, and now still get that with E because H is in school. H was old enough to not be jealous - he understood what was happening, had a solid routine/friends etc that we could easily keep up with with a newborn, could easily play independently...The newborn stage with E was not difficult at all.. H ADORES his brother. Now that E is walking, when we are at the playground etc I can easily spend my time following him around because H is very self sufficient. We only need to pay for college for one at a time I had lots of time to get my body/sanity back between kids (important to me)

The only negatives are going back to the newborn stage after a few years of sleeping through the night, and an independent/potty trained kid. Also, the second kid juts has to be flexible,. Everything is around H's school and activity schedule.

[musiclover]

Cons:
I'll be honest, I often wish that they were a little closer in age, mainly because I find it really hard sometimes to figure out things to do with both of them at the same time, when DH is at work. I have them alone just on Mondays and I often get a little stressed trying to find activities for them to do "together". Summer time is kinda no biggie, they can both play outside now, run around, and play in the dirt. Winter kinda sucked. I currently can no longer sit and just snuggle Adam on the couch on a snowy day and watch a movie because N would be all over the place, and when I want to just sit and play with baby toys sometimes, Adam looks a little bored. I figure if they were closer in age then maybe they would be on the same page more often, thus making activities a little easier to handle? Our go to play together toys are leggo duplos, balls and trucks,and outside toys haha.
Sometimes I envy my friend who has her kiddos like 1.5 apart because now at 3&4, they are doing everything together and it looks easier than what I am dealing with because I have a toddler and a pre-schooler?

Overall though, I am cool with the age gap and it has its benefits.

[ruby412]

It sounds like there are pros and cons to either situation. But, ultimately, I'm just nowhere near ready to go through pregnancy and the newborn stage again. So large age gap wins here!

[musiclover]

Apr 10, 2013 9:15:06 GMT -5 ruby412 said:

It sounds like there are pros and cons to either situation. But, ultimately, I'm just nowhere near ready to go through pregnancy and the newborn stage again. So large age gap wins here!

There certainly are pros and cons to both.  My SIL's kids are like 21 months apart and it did not look like fun to me AT ALL in the beginning.  haha, it all works out regardless.  It's all good <), and if I had to choose, I would still have them further apart than close together, but that's just what works for me......and my sanity, lol.

[rainbowchip]

Yeah, I think the 20-30 month age spacing is the worst. Coming from someone who has a 27 month gap. Sigh.

[joyhart02]

Apr 10, 2013 9:52:03 GMT -5 rainbowchip said:

Yeah, I think the 20-30 month age spacing is the worst. Coming from someone who has a 27 month gap. Sigh.

Our kids are very similarly aged. There are many pro's and con's to it. But it is working well for us. Calista is getting easier because she can play with her sister. Lydia makes it difficult by not sharing anything. 

[lauranicole91]

I'm loving the responses. Watching Junior gives me a small taste of how it will likely be for us in the future. Since she is 1 and he is 4. But we didn't watch him when she was in the newborn phase. I dread that thought.

I love that junior can we reasoned with but I wasn't sure if a 3 year old was the same way and understood as much.

I can understand the idea of wanting them closer together so they are sort of into the same activities but you never know. Even those close in age have different interests?

I just hope we won't have to get much further an age than 3-4 years because my brother and I are 5 years apart and we just were no where near on the same page with anything. Toys, cartoons, games, hell, we only spent 3 years together at the same school and that's only because it was a k-8 school. I'm bummed about our lack of friendship. I was just always the annoying little sister.

[musiclover]

Apr 10, 2013 11:12:08 GMT -5 lauranicole91 said:

I'm loving the responses. Watching Junior gives me a small taste of how it will likely be for us in the future. Since she is 1 and he is 4. But we didn't watch him when she was in the newborn phase. I dread that thought.

I love that junior can we reasoned with but I wasn't sure if a 3 year old was the same way and understood as much.

I can understand the idea of wanting them closer together so they are sort of into the same activities but you never know. Even those close in age have different interests?

I just hope we won't have to get much further an age than 3-4 years because my brother and I are 5 years apart and we just were no where near on the same page with anything. Toys, cartoons, games, hell, we only spent 3 years together at the same school and that's only because it was a k-8 school. I'm bummed about our lack of friendship. I was just always the annoying little sister.

Yes, Adam was pretty reasonable at 3....when he wanted to be, lol.

[browneyedhunni85]

Our children will probably be about 3 years apart. My sisters kids are 3 years apart and she really likes the age gap. The oldest is in preschool and is more independant now. She said he isn't in that "baby stage" like before. She also enjoys the one on one time she gets with the youngest while J is at school. J helps with his little sister a lot and is a more enjoyable to be around now. While she was pregnant he was a mess. I remember him staying at our house the second night my sister was in the hospital from her c-section. I was exhausted and he didn't listen at all. All this one top of me being a few months pregnant. It was rough! Now, he's a different kid.

[kkfeb04]

We missed 2u2 by 2 weeks. My two are 24.5 months apart. I fall in that category of the best and worst of both 2u2 and a broader age gap.

My situation is different since DS has a sensory disorder and speech delayed. His tantrums revolved around not being able to tell us what he was feeling or what he needed. There are still days when I think what the heck did we do but there are times when they are just the sweetest together.

DS couldn't help me with DD at first, now he hands diapers, pacis and will get milk out of the fridge for her. We keep a sippy of both his milk and her milk and also sippy cups full of water for both of them, he opens the fridge when he wants a drink and closes it when he is finished. They can play with the FP farm or house nicely for about 10 minutes until Babyzilla comes ruining DS's set up. He doesn't understand she's a baby and that she doesn't know how to share yet. He will tell me when she's crying and say "baby crying"...why is she crying..."her hurt"...why is she hurt..."I hurt her". She loves DS so much and he's still learning how to be social since that is part of the issues that he has with being on the spectrum. I'm sure if he wasn't on the spectrum life could be so much easier but it is rough when they both demand so much of you. If I'm only duck-taped to the wall once a weekend, it was a GREAT weekend.

Also, DS hated HATED me for about a month after she was born. It was so rough of a transition for him. We may have finally finished that transition when DD was 6-7 months and that was with his OT working with him every week during that time.

[charlielove]

I love having a bigger gap, honestly I knew that 2u2 was not for me. The girls are 2y10m apart (we were going for about 3 yrs. apart) and it is perfect, I love it! I agree with what musiclover said. I really don't wish they were any closer in age though.

I got the chance to really enjoy C for almost three years until Charlotte came along which was amazing. I also love that I can reason with Claire and often avoid meltdowns in a way that I could not have when she was two. She is much more independent as well, she can get herself a snack (a lifesaver when you are chained to the couch nursing a newb!), put her clothes on, go to the bathroom with minimal to no help, etc.

She also loves helping with Charlotte, throwing diapers away, picking up a dropped sippy cup, taking a toy, piece of paper, whatever away that she shouldn't have - it's another set of eyes! She is also really good and understanding about sharing her toys and that certain toys have to stay in her room because they are choking hazards.

She loves interacting with Charlotte now that she's able to "play" with her more too. I asked her yesterday who her best friend was and she said Charlotte. (heart) She often snuggles her and calls her sweetheart. It is so sweet to watch.

It was also helpful when I went back to work (part time), because C was in preschool in the mornings and my mom only has to deal with two kids at once for a few hours on those days.

I could go on and on!

[musiclover]

Apr 10, 2013 11:38:57 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I love having a bigger gap, honestly I knew that 2u2 was not for me. The girls are 2y10m apart (we were going for about 3 yrs. apart) and it is perfect, I love it! I agree with what musiclover said. I really don't wish they were any closer in age though.

I got the chance to really enjoy C for almost three years until Charlotte came along which was amazing. I also love that I can reason with Claire and often avoid meltdowns in a way that I could not have when she was two. She is much more independent as well, she can get herself a snack (a lifesaver when you are chained to the couch nursing a newb!), put her clothes on, go to the bathroom with minimal to no help, etc.

She also loves helping with Charlotte, throwing diapers away, picking up a dropped sippy cup, taking a toy, piece of paper, whatever away that she shouldn't have - it's another set of eyes! She is also really good and understanding about sharing her toys and that certain toys have to stay in her room because they are choking hazards.

She loves interacting with Charlotte now that she's able to "play" with her more too. I asked her yesterday who her best friend was and she said Charlotte. (heart) She often snuggles her and calls her sweetheart. It is so sweet to watch.

It was also helpful when I went back to work (part time), because C was in preschool in the mornings and my mom only has to deal with two kids at once for a few hours on those days.

I could go on and on!

I love watching them get closer and closer, too. This morning Adam was telling me how much he loves Nolan, it melts my heart.

[angiekay84]

I also want a 3 year gap. For daycare costs like @foozle as well as my sanity. I also love the idea of having more Sophia time.

[musiclover]

Apr 10, 2013 11:53:43 GMT -5 angiekay84 said:

I also want a 3 year gap. For daycare costs like @foozle as well as my sanity. I also love the idea of having more Sophia time.

I think if I were able to choose, 3 would have been perfect (high5)

[angiekay84]

I'm loving the responses, too!!! Sometimes I get that feeling in my ute when I see the BFP and I get so excited, but I know financially for us we really need as few years with overlapping daycare costs as possible (two teachers in this household!) so we really need to wait. Thank you moms for sharing! I really hope my little girl is a cute big sibling like all of yours!

[lauranicole91]

Apr 10, 2013 11:38:57 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I love having a bigger gap, honestly I knew that 2u2 was not for me. The girls are 2y10m apart (we were going for about 3 yrs. apart) and it is perfect, I love it! I agree with what musiclover said. I really don't wish they were any closer in age though.

I got the chance to really enjoy C for almost three years until Charlotte came along which was amazing. I also love that I can reason with Claire and often avoid meltdowns in a way that I could not have when she was two. She is much more independent as well, she can get herself a snack (a lifesaver when you are chained to the couch nursing a newb!), put her clothes on, go to the bathroom with minimal to no help, etc.

She also loves helping with Charlotte, throwing diapers away, picking up a dropped sippy cup, taking a toy, piece of paper, whatever away that she shouldn't have - it's another set of eyes! She is also really good and understanding about sharing her toys and that certain toys have to stay in her room because they are choking hazards.

She loves interacting with Charlotte now that she's able to "play" with her more too. I asked her yesterday who her best friend was and she said Charlotte. (heart) She often snuggles her and calls her sweetheart. It is so sweet to watch.

It was also helpful when I went back to work (part time), because C was in preschool in the mornings and my mom only has to deal with two kids at once for a few hours on those days.

I could go on and on!

Awww love this.

[angiekay84]

Apr 10, 2013 11:54:43 GMT -5 musiclover said:

Apr 10, 2013 11:53:43 GMT -5 angiekay84 said:

I also want a 3 year gap. For daycare costs like @foozle as well as my sanity. I also love the idea of having more Sophia time.

I think if I were able to choose, 3 would have been perfect (high5)

3 or 3.5 I would be happy with! Totes high five back at ya!!!

[tuck]

I LOVE having a 4 year gap. My pro list is pretty much the same as musiclover's, and I can't really think of any cons off of the top of my head.

Well, maybe the fact that a larger age gap means more time not working if you SAH, but that's not a problem with us.

[katfco]

Pretty much what everyone else said. Abby loves her brother, even though she gets a little jealous of him sometimes, and he thinks she hung the moon. She cracks him up like no one else can.

When they get older is when I think the cons will come out. It'll be hard for them to relate to one another and I think Abby's going to get tired of having her little brother try to tag along all the time.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Thanks, all you mamas with 3+ year gaps for responding. I think deep down I want a 3 yr spacing, despite my sad ute's attempts. I don't do chaos well, and logistically there are things we would like to get settled before # 2 comes.

[Deleted]

Apr 10, 2013 11:38:57 GMT -5 charlielove said:

I love having a bigger gap, honestly I knew that 2u2 was not for me. The girls are 2y10m apart (we were going for about 3 yrs. apart) and it is perfect, I love it! I agree with what musiclover said. I really don't wish they were any closer in age though.

I got the chance to really enjoy C for almost three years until Charlotte came along which was amazing. I also love that I can reason with Claire and often avoid meltdowns in a way that I could not have when she was two. She is much more independent as well, she can get herself a snack (a lifesaver when you are chained to the couch nursing a newb!), put her clothes on, go to the bathroom with minimal to no help, etc.

She also loves helping with Charlotte, throwing diapers away, picking up a dropped sippy cup, taking a toy, piece of paper, whatever away that she shouldn't have - it's another set of eyes! She is also really good and understanding about sharing her toys and that certain toys have to stay in her room because they are choking hazards.

She loves interacting with Charlotte now that she's able to "play" with her more too. I asked her yesterday who her best friend was and she said Charlotte. (heart) She often snuggles her and calls her sweetheart. It is so sweet to watch.

It was also helpful when I went back to work (part time), because C was in preschool in the mornings and my mom only has to deal with two kids at once for a few hours on those days.

I could go on and on!

Pretty much this.  We have the same 2y10m gap and I agree with all the points above.
We wanted them closer but due to a m/c DS2 happened later than planned.  I'm glad it worked out that way now!

[gekeler6]

There is a huge age gap between my youngest and all my other children.  My older girls will be 11 and 9 this summer and E just turned a year.  I LOVE the age gap.  Evelyn's big sisters are soooooooooo much help.  I can pretty much delegate any of the girls to "watch" Evelyn while I get things done.  We all know how this age is a bit clingy, especially when our attention is needed on making phone calls, dishes, putting things away, etc.  I can pretty much get things done without feeling like I'm containing Evelyn in something like her highchair just so she doesn't get into anything for that split second my attention is on what I'm trying to do.  She loves watching her big sisters and it's amazing watching them play with her.  I also can see that Evelyn picks up on things pretty quickly, probably because there is so much action and communication going on in the house all the time.  She gets so much encouragement for doing things and it makes me cry when I see the girls clap and cheer when E does something new or cute. 
The other thing I notice is that because of the large age gap I feel like I'm a new mom all over again.  Between all the new baby products and with how long it's been, it definitely reminds me how long ago it really was since my girls have been so little.  I feel like I appreciate it more having a baby in the house because of going through the stages I miss and love so much when the girls were little.  Only thing I worry about is giving the older girls enough attention.  It's a big change having a baby in the house again, and sometimes I feel like I can't help enough when I keep getting interrupted by E needed something.  I think that goes with all siblings, but knowing how much homework the girls have and not always being able to help when they needed it, I feel like they have to wait on me.  I also dread the days when I have to decide between going to a highschool activity vs. an elementary activity.  That's how big our age gap is!
I've seen both aspects of the age gaps, having 4u2 and the big 9+ age gap and honestly they both have their own perks.  I can't honestly choose one over the other.   I think no matter what you choose it's all going to be fine and work out to be YOUR life.  It's fun either way!