the "what if my child is a monster?" thought

[niq]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to think about this? The news stories about teenagers (especially teenage boys) doing just awful awful things (shootings, sexual assault) terrify msniq right now.

I have a bunch of other worries but I think of this as such a low-probability event and mostly out of my control* that I don't really give it much thought.

* I mean, it's not like we're going to be abusive parents or just let him fend for himself starting at age eight. But I figure that we can only do so much and if the kid is really a mess we just have to realize that it happens to some people.

[picksthemusic]

I just think that having a kid is a big gamble in the first place. You're rolling dice, playing the lottery. You don't know what you're going to get and it's out of your control. You have to be okay with that inevitability.

That being said, I do know that if there were ever anything going on with M, that we'd be her advocates, or give tough love if she needs it.

I think MsNiq is going through normal first time momma stuff and is hoping your baby doesn't come out with two heads or something. Lots of scary things can happen with kids. But it's just a measure of how much she really loves your baby already. She wants to be a good parent and mom and wants the best for them. It's a good thing she's worried. She's going to be a great mom. Be sure to let her know how you feel about her impending mothering. She needs your reassurance that you don't think she's going to mess up your kid.

[picksthemusic]

Apr 12, 2013 13:19:43 GMT -5 niq said:

Does anyone have any ideas on how to think about this? The news stories about teenagers (especially teenage boys) doing just awful awful things (shootings, sexual assault) terrify msniq right now.

I have a bunch of other worries but I think of this as such a low-probability event and mostly out of my control* that I don't really give it much thought.

* I mean, it's not like we're going to be abusive parents or just let him fend for himself starting at age eight. But I figure that we can only do so much and if the kid is really a mess we just have to realize that it happens to some people.

This statement jumped out at me because I can almost guarantee you that your wife IS giving it most if not all of her thought. Hormones do play a role, but the fact that she's going to be parenting a boy (which she may be scared to do in the first place) may worry her because they come with a different set of worries than a girl does. But because she's carrying your son around 24/7, that's mostly what she's thinking about all day every day.

Have you sat down to have a heart-to-heart with her about her fears? Just an open, no guilt discussion about her fears (and your fears, too!) because she just might need some reassurance that everything will, for the most part in most cases, be fine with your LO and that you will be there to support her however she needs.

I know that for me, that was really important during my pregnancy. For J to be involved, excited, and concerned about my emotional well-being. It's hard to grow a human and even though she's not doing anything directly during her pregnancy, she will feel solely responsible if something were to happen to BabyNiq. I know that when we had our issues with M, I had a lot of guilty feelings about whether there was something I could have done to make the outcome different, but of course there wasn't. There were things my doc could have done, but that's a different post all together.

[jennlin]

pp's have already covered it---mostly..you care. and that's the first/biggest step. just being observant of if your kid needs help will be crucial.