I'm having a panic attack about my Husband's job

[TrickyBob]

My Husband currently works for a local company, I live in an area that does not have many high paying jobs but he got lucky enough to get into a company 8 miles away. He works 3rd shift and hates it because he sucks at sleeping during the day, but they just got bought and the new head of his department is changing everything. He just is not happy there, at all. 

He has ALWAYS wanted to go into truck driving and I have always said "I did not get married to be a single woman" and with talking about children and wanting children, I went into "I did not get married to be a single Mom". I'm also a weenie and don't like staying by myself for days on end. So I have always shot him down. 

I would maybe consider regional driving and there is a company that allows a passenger plus 1 dog or cat to come with. It says that you have the option of home every weekend or 6 days on, 2 days off. Or home 2 to 3 times a week. He has always wanted me to come with him if he ever did truck driving, "we could see different states!" 

It would be fantastic pay, it would be doing something he likes. Though we live pretty comfortable as is, truck driving pay is pretty good. 

I'm just so torn. My own hang ups of being scared to be alone, not seeing my Husband for days on end, going to pretty much being a single woman. Hell, I get scared during thunderstorms and freak out even though he is 8 miles away at work right now. 

I mean, my parent's only live an hour and 15 minutes away and I could realistically take the dog and go stay with them if I get lonely.

But throw wanting kids into the mix and I don't know if I could handle being a new Mom by myself. Or being pregnant and being by myself.

Part of me wants to say "go for it, it's an adventure!" but part of me also wants to cry and say "no no no don't!"

I'm also scared he'd get into an accident or jack knife during the winter and I'd end up a widow. I know it could really happen anywhere, anytime, for any reason but still.

Anyone have an experience with this? Or experience with a Husband who works away from home for any reason? I know truck driving isn't a glamorous job to aspire but he likes big rigs and he likes driving. 

[wildfloweragain]

I have experience w DH working away from home. He is away for 3 nights at a time, sometimes a week. But I got into this knowing about it. It sucks for the kids. A lot. DS especially acts up and has issues when he knows we won't see daddy until Thursday.
I have no problem being alone, but with kids it is different. If you are already not so cool with being alone I would say no.
When your kids are going to school you can't go truck driving with him.

...sent from my Jedi mind

[Jalapeñomel]

You do have a lot of hang ups about being alone. Does this stem from something in your past? Have you seen a therapist for it? Maybe these things could help you regarding this decision (one way or the other).

[TrickyBob]

Apr 15, 2013 21:13:53 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

You do have a lot of hang ups about being alone. Does this stem from something in your past? Have you seen a therapist for it? Maybe these things could help you regarding this decision (one way or the other).

I'm probably not as bad as I come off. Our first year here, the next town over (as in 5 miles or so) was pretty much destroyed from a tornado and ever since then storms and things terrify me. That's my biggest issue with being home alone, I'm scared one will hit us and I will not know what to do. It's irrational but I never saw the aftermath of a tornado before and now every time we drive by there, it's like someone played pick up sticks with all the trees. 

Other than that, I'm just uneasy about being alone in a house at night by myself. I do it because my Husband works 3rd shift and nothing bad has ever happened before. I think I might be blowing it out of proportion because 6 days of by myself or possibly 28 days by myself sounds scary! 

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Are you at all worried about the lot lizards?

[TrickyBob]

Apr 15, 2013 21:19:52 GMT -5 thinkofthesoldiers said:

Are you at all worried about the lot lizards?

Not particularly.

[TrickyBob]

Apr 15, 2013 21:23:22 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Do you have a job now?

Nope. 

[isabel]

My dad drives for UPS. He has a set route and works 5 days a week and is home every day. The only hang up is that he works nights, so he's gone from about 8p-6a.

Something to consider though. UPS is a great company with really good benefits and he may be able to work himself into a situation that is great for everyone.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Why don't you work?

[daisyheadmaizie]

I think you are a little unhealthily reliant on your H. You need to find some things to do independently.

If he really wants to drive, have him look into companies that do shorter hauls. There are many that are 24-36 hour runs 2-3 times a week.

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2013 21:30:03 GMT -5 daisyheadmaizie said:

I think you are a little unhealthily reliant on your H. You need to find some things to do independently.

Yep.

I have two kids and dh was gone about 1/2 the time for the first year of both of their lives. We all survived and the kids even like him.

[EmilieMadison]

Apr 15, 2013 21:27:31 GMT -5 kooshball said:

I would say you should find a job so you have less time to worry about this stuff and also maybe get some self esteem that you can handle things with him gone?

I think this is a good idea. And I understand being afraid of storms after seeing the devastation of a tornado, but there's being afraid, and using fear as a crutch. You said you're afraid you wont know what to do. So...learn what to do. Even if your husband keeps his job 8 miles away, he's not going to drive home to you in a storm. 8 miles or 800 miles, he's not going to be there to tell you what to do. 

Get a job, get some hobbies, get some therapy. Whatever works so that you can be a functional adult, you know? 

[Moe]

I lived apart from my DH for 2 years. You get used to it. Then you actually get to love it (him being away). Even if you're not supposed to say that, because you're supposed to be wanting to be with him 24/7 otherwise you're not really in love, you're all about having the bed all to yourself and having every single thing be exactly how you want it all the time.

Trust.

[regeltx]

My husband actually drives. He has been OTR and now is currently 'local', as in, from Salt Lake to Vegas and back. Before we got married, I only saw him about one weekend a month. Don't count on liking living in the truck with him. Another thing to keep in mind, if he has never driven before, he will most likely have a school to get through and training on the road with a trainer before he gets his own truck, and most 'local' companies/jobs require so much experience before hiring.

[TrickyBob]

I feel the need to clarify that I am not actually having a panic attack about this. It's a lot to think about and a big decision to work through if it were to happen, but I'm not huddled in a corner barely breathing.

I quit my job for reasons that agreed with the both of us to work on things that needed attention, including making the drive to help my Mother with some things.

I actually do things by myself, go places by myself, have gone on weekend "get a ways" with others, by myself. I, obviously, go down to my parent's a fair amount - that's a nice chunk of time.

I did go back to school, I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs going "well this is nice". I did end up making some friends up here - we go and do things together.

I'm also aware that these things would still happen if he did change careers and it probably would not be that huge of a change. At the moment, I "interact" with him 3 or 4 hours per day anyway, otherwise he is sleeping or at work.

We had just discussed (within this past month) actively TTC and then the idea of maybe switching careers made me have an "oh shit this is a lot of change all at once if it were to happen". In my opinion, deciding to TTC is a big decision all by itself and planning for that.

He did say he probably won't change but wouldn't mind looking into what options might be available. (He texted me) He said he more so just wants to get out of the field that he is in. Which I can understand.

ETA: But I do have some anxiety issues, obviously relating to weather. 

[wrathofkuus]

I don't have your anxiety issues, but I wouldn't want that lifestyle either. Aren't there any options for him besides his current job or truck driver?

[TrickyBob]

Apr 16, 2013 6:16:02 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I don't have your anxiety issues, but I wouldn't want that lifestyle either. Aren't there any options for him besides his current job or truck driver?

Yeah, there are lots in his field. He was looking some up. We talked more when he got home this morning, he said he will most likely stay at his job unless it gets really screwy or he finds a better daylight job with the same pay rate in a surrounding town. I know he's just frustrated with his career, he's tired of electrical and technician stuff. 

[wrathofkuus]

But surely there are options besides electrician/technical and truck driver. Would he want to add to his schooling and maybe be less of an electrician, more of an electrical engineer?

[TrickyBob]

I'm not sure, he sometimes talks about going back to school but he said he would want to start over with something 100% new. He said he chose electrician/technician because it is what his Dad did and the only thing he knew in high school. I think he's sort of trying to find himself, in a way.

I'm perfectly fine if he wants to go to school for something different but he's so unsure of what he wants to do. I sort of get the sense that he feels trapped in his current trade.

[wrathofkuus]

Oh, I see. I guess it was a faulty assumption that this is where his interests lie. What ARE his interests?

[Deleted]

I believe every woman should be self sufficent even in a marriage. I love my DH with all my heart but I dont "need" him. I "want" him.
In my opinion, there is a difference.

[TrickyBob]

Apr 16, 2013 6:44:37 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Oh, I see. I guess it was a faulty assumption that this is where his interests lie. What ARE his interests?

Wood working, cars, big rigs. He really likes wood working but hasn't discussed it much beyond screwing around in the garage with it. 
I've suggested maybe going to school to become a mechanic. 

The kicker is, he is really great at drafting. My Mother was the shop drafter for machinery for her father's shop and my Husband can really go to town on her drafting board and whip up all sorts of house plans and such. For our house he did all the plans for closets, cabinets, entertainment center, bathroom, etc. 

Maybe I'll discuss that avenue with him, maybe somehow see if there isn't a middle ground between wood working and drafting that might interest him. 

[wrathofkuus]

That does sound like something that could work. Good luck!

[janegold]

How much, percentage-wise, of a pay increase would truck driving be for him over other likely job opportunities locally? If I wanted to start a family soon, it would take quite a big pay increase for me to consider having my H away all the time. Mine is often gone 50% or more of the time and it's okay now but the cost-benefit analysis will be different when we have kids.