Help me justify hiring help

[cvillern]

So I posted a little while ago about how unhappy I was with DS1's daycare. Long story short they had licensing violations, loved the teacher, but we pulled him.

It turns out his teacher is miserable there and is now looking for a nanny job. We would only need her about 20 hours a week, but knowing what I know about her current employer I bet she would come out at least even pay wise.

I work PRN as a nightshift nurse, which I love, usually 1-2 12 hour shifts a week. DH is a handyman and is self employed. We have 2 boys almost 4, and 8 months, and custody of our 15 year old niece. DH works around my sleep schedule, which I know he resents. I usually feel so bad that he has to manage all three of them day and night when I work that I stay up after my last shift. Being awake 30 hours in a row once a week is starting to take its toll on me. It would be so nice to have someone who could care for the kids 2 days a week while I slept.

I guess I am just asking for someone to say go for it. It would not be a financial hardship, DH is on board. I think I am hesitating because my mom seems to think its unnecessary. Plus I have that typical mommy guilt that I should be overjoyed with being with my kids all the time. It is true that we have managed thus far without a nanny but it would be sooooooo nice. Plus she is desperate for another job, so I am really doing her a service, right?

That was long. And fairly pointless. Thanks for letting me get it out though!

[redheadk]

You both have jobs. There is nothing wrong with hiring someone to watch your kids. Running yourself into the ground is not sustainable or doable long term, nor does it sound like you are in a "suck it up and make it work" situation.

Hire help and don't feel badly about it.

[zeewifeandmama]

Sleep deprivation can cause some serious problems. Not only health problems, but also in your marriage. I would get a bit of help to make your weeks/days run smoothly. Dont beat yourself up...you are hiring HELP not a replacement of you. If your mom is so concerned, why dosent SHE come be the help you need?

[Deleted]

I would absolutely hire her in your situation.

[keh2oblue]

Dude, hire the nanny and get some sleep!

[KaraOrNot]

Do it! You will be a better mom when you are well rested than when you are going on 30 hours without sleep.

[hannamarin]

Lack of sleep can lead to lots of health issues. Both immediately and longterm. Save your life

[OscarQ]

I think it sounds like a great solution for your family. Hire her!

[fortmyersbride]

I would have hired her already! Sounds like just what you need for your health and marriage.

[luvmagoldn]

Definitely hire her. I know it can be hard but your Mom's opinion has no weight. Did she also object to day care? Regardless, do what is best for your family. You don't have to justify that to anyone.

[Becca]

Hire her, and don't question your decision for a second!

[cvillern]

Thanks everyone! I think I am just over thinking it. I don't really feel like a working mom since its only 12-20 hours a week, but I am also not a SAHM. Also, a lot of the women I work with have just dealt with not having child care and being sleep deprived.

I am also very sensitive to my moms little comments. When we pulled DS1 out of daycare she asked how my first day "as a real mommy" was. We are very close, but she has always been very competitive with me. She was a SAHM, and I was an only child, which I know was a ton of work. But she cannot relate to managing 3 kids and just can't seem to understand why I am feeling overwhelmed. She would always question me taking DS to daycare when I was pregnant and just had the baby.

I am really hoping the part time thing works with this girl. She is great, and even if its just until she finds a full time family, the help would be amazing

[barefootcontessa]

The only question I have is whether you are planning on sending your older son to preschool and how that would fit in. I would tune your mom out. It does not sound like she will be changing her opinion any time soon.

[cvillern]

DS1 is going to be in preschool, half days, three days a week. If we do hire the nanny it will only be for Mondays and Tuesdays. So she would have the baby Monday morning so I could run errands, then have both kids for the afternoon and all day Tuesday. On the weeks I won't need to sleep I figure she could take one and I could take the other for one on one time. Or we could all go to the pool, or do activities with both of them that I can't handle on my own.

[Deleted]

I think you need the nanny. Sleep deprivation is dangerous!

[Willis Jackson]

Absolutely hire her!

My mom would pull the same shit. I worked part-time when DS was a baby and when I told her we were able to juggle our schedules so we wouldn't need childcare she said, "Whew! I was worried a STRANGER would be taking care of my grandchild!" Whatever mom.

I'm visiting my parents right now and asked her if she would mind watching the kids while I ran out for a few hours. She goes, "Are you comfortable leaving DD for that long?" Um, yes.

[Deleted]

The mother you should be listening to is you. My mom says crap to me too and makes me doubt myself. It sucks. Hire the help and put your family and your marriage first. Get some sleep!

[Deleted]

I wouldn't even question the logic of doing this. It will help you out, her, you can afford it...win/win! Enjoy your rest

[whitepicketfence]

Sleep deprivation sucks. I'd hire her in an instant and not give it a second thought.

[Ashley&Scott]

Hire her!

I saw your moms comments in your followup & I'm pissed for you. I would lose my shit if some said I wasn't a "real mommy" because I work & DS goes to daycare.

[statlerwaldorf]

Your mom sounds like an asshole. You need to do what is right for your family. I would hire her.

[anna7602]

Haven't read the other responses, but I say go for it for sure. Hired help is way cheaper in the long run than individual therapy and/or marriage counseling.

[livinitup]

Jun 9, 2012 8:55:42 GMT -5 cvillern said:

She was a SAHM, and I was an only child, which I know was a ton of work. But she cannot relate to managing 3 kids and just can't seem to understand why I am feeling overwhelmed.

Are you seriously comparing the needs of a SAHM of one child with a PT working mother of 3 ??

I get that you are trying to be a good daughter by not saying that your experience is different than your mother's ... but it is.

[Deleted]

I'm of the mindset that if you can afford it, you should hire as much help as you want. In this situation, I would absolutely hire help.

[mesop]

Definitely hire her -- trudging through 30 hours without sleep should be a rare not weekly occurrence if you can help it.

[fbf2006]

Even if you did not "need" the nanny, I see no reason why you need justification for one. Do whatever you want to do if you can afford it. I'm not sure why people feel guilt about this stuff.

[Deleted]

If you know you'll need her the same time/days each week, you could also try to find a family who needs care on the other days. If you do the legwork she might be more likely to stick around long term that way.

Your mom's comments would have driven me crazy. I feel very fortunate that my mom worked. She forgets how much work toddler's are, and still gives me a hard time about not getting everything done (whatever), but she has never commented on my childcare choices.