WBC: Friend/Co-worker's son set house on fire yesterday

[2boys2danes]

and attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago.  I feel so so so badly for her.  She's my neighbor (next neighborhood over) and one of my internal coaching clients.  I think my H is headed over there to see what he can do to help at the house (he's an electrical contractor)

I'm just hoping for the perfect words to come to my lips when we do talk...

sorry for the downer post but had to put it somewhere...

[meggers5]

Oh that's awful. How old is the son?

[Deleted]

That's awful

Offer to listen if she needs someone to talk to? Or to go sit and have coffee - you can talk or just keep her company?
So I'm thinking along the lines of "Friend, I'm sorry, this must be stressful. Do you want to sit down and talk sometime? Or even just sit and not talk?"

[Captain Serious]

Just be there for her.

A coworker of mine is in a similar situation. Her son was just diagnosed as bipolar, and has run away, been violent with them, and even taken a knife and threatened to kill the family. She had to take him to the hospital on Saturday because they couldn't calm him down. Her world's fallen apart, and she doesn't know what to do.

She feels comfortable talking to me because she knows I've gone through some tough times with M, and I shared those with her because she also adopted. (In fact, one of the things she is having trouble rectifying is that it's her biological son, and not her adopted son, who's having these problems, even though there were no biological indications of mental illness of which she's aware.)

Anyway, I just try to let her talk to me. I ask her how she's doing, tell her I'm sorry, and let her know it's okay to get it all out, even if she just wants to ramble on to me. Just being there for her is, I think, the best thing you can do for her.

Also, ask her if there's anything you can do. Does she have any other children you can watch for a while? Errands or tasks you can take care of? Did they lose their house?

[karmasabiotch]

All you need to do is listen. It's nice that you want to be there for her.

[muffin0]

Oh wow!

That poor family

[2boys2danes]

Great ideas... thanks so much. She also has two adopted sons... late teens and this one is the older of the two. He is also bipolar and told her after the suicide attempt that he has not been taking his meds. He is 19 and lives at home. She is such a good mom and tries to do everything right. I think I may try to take some clothes over for her. I believe she lost all of that due to the smoke damage etc. I'm a little bigger than she is but maybe some stuff I'm too chunky for right now will fit her ok.

[2boys2danes]

Great ideas... thanks so much. She also has two adopted sons... late teens and this one is the older of the two. He is also bipolar and told her after the suicide attempt that he has not been taking his meds. He is 19 and lives at home. She is such a good mom and tries to do everything right. I think I may try to take some clothes over for her. I believe she lost all of that due to the smoke damage etc. I'm a little bigger than she is but maybe some stuff I'm too chunky for right now will fit her ok.

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2013 11:21:01 GMT -5 2boys2danes said:

Great ideas... thanks so much. She also has two adopted sons... late teens and this one is the older of the two. He is also bipolar and told her after the suicide attempt that he has not been taking his meds. He is 19 and lives at home. She is such a good mom and tries to do everything right. I think I may try to take some clothes over for her. I believe she lost all of that due to the smoke damage etc. I'm a little bigger than she is but maybe some stuff I'm too chunky for right now will fit her ok.

The clothing is a nice idea. 

I think in her shoes I might also appreciate hearing that someone thinks/knows I'm a good mom doing my best.  Because I'm sure she's doubting herself and thinking everyone thinks she's terrible and failed her son (I would).  So hearing I was a good mom who does my best and that's all any of us can do would probably make me cry and love you more. 

I really feel for her.  And hope he doesn't go off his meds again.  Bipolar is SUCH a difficult thing to manage and live with

[pantsparty]

OMG how awful That is really kind of you to try to help her out. I'm sure she will appreciate it.

[2boys2danes]

OK so I finally talked to her and she sounds just dazed and terrified... I felt so helpless so all I could think to do was go get her some things together.  I was amazed at all the brand new makeup, lipsticks, bath and body works stuff that I have brand new and unopened in my bathroom drawers.  I also packed up a few clothes that might work for her.  She dresses pretty well (nicer than me) because she has to attend a lot of high end events for work.  I have nice things I just dont fit in them any more so hopefully she will

I felt totally helpless and like a little voice was just telling me to "do something" so while it may seem like a silly assortment of things, I hope it will help her in some small way.  

If you are the praying type, please say a little one for B and her family......

[amberlyrose]

I'll say a prayer for her.

You're a great friend.