Regarding baby showers for a 2nd child

[partiallysunny]

I'm okay with diaper only second showers (they are called Sprinkles around here, and it usually happens before the baby is born) with close family and friends. When you start to invite everyone you know and have a registry, then I side eye. And if she was throwing it herself.

Knowing that she is in a tight place financially, I'd help host. But I'm a softy like that.

[Deleted]

I'd like the answer to that, too, lucy. And I don't have any kids yet so I have no dog in this fight.

[Jalapeñomel]

And the name Sprinkle is just dumb. It belongs in the preggo category, lol.

[partiallysunny]

May 3, 2013 8:03:20 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

And the name Sprinkle is just dumb. It belongs in the preggo category, lol.

It's up there with "Stag and Drag", naming wise.

But I hate Stag and Drags not only by it's name, but also by it's concept.

[mbcdefg]

I've attended showers for second babies before, and it's never bothered me. I never even heard of it being a faux pas until these boards.

These showers were typically small home showers, though (I don't think they were planned that way because it was the second kid, that's just the style of people in those circles).

I can only think of one that was held in a restaurant for a non-first child - the mom had four boys and was expecting twin girls.

[themoneytree]

Completely fine - I think a diaper shower is a great idea.

[hisno1girl]

May 3, 2013 7:54:36 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Also, how is it gift-grabby when the mother isn't the one who plans such things anyway? Seriously, someone answer that question, because I kind of want to know.

No one can explain it because it's not gift-grabby.

I think it's perfectly acceptable and NICE, FFS, to throw someone a baby shower for a second baby. Or a third. Whatever.  Babies are to be celebrated and they all need stuff. If someone doesn't want to go or give a gift, then they're only obligation is to RSVP "no".

[Deleted]

May 3, 2013 7:12:03 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

And FFS she isn't throwing herself a shower, so how is that gift grabbing?

Unless it's a surprise, the mother has the option of declining.

I don't know.  I guess I'm completely baby-showered out at work in particular.  And I work with a lot of really fertile people.

And, frankly, I'm never recouping any of these costs.  LOL.

[Deleted]

May 8, 2013 18:17:13 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

May 8, 2013 18:05:07 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Unless it's a surprise, the mother has the option of declining.

I don't know.  I guess I'm completely baby-showered out at work in particular.  And I work with a lot of really fertile people.

And, frankly, I'm never recouping any of these costs.  LOL.

I tried declining.  It wasn't happening.  Short of not showing up, I'm not sure what else I could have done.

Presumably those invited have the option of not attending.

They do and they don't.

Politics.

[snickers]

May 2, 2013 22:27:56 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

May 2, 2013 22:20:19 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

It's not good. Are her children really far apart in age?

No. Niece #1 just turned 1. 

The only reason why I'm considering this is because they are pretty broke. Maybe like a month after baby #2 is born they are moving so my brother can attend med school- the scholarship living stipend he's getting is probably meant for 1 person instead of a family of 4 so it's going to be tight.

I am torn on this. In my family, we have a baby shower for every child someone has. They usually include family & close friends. I don't see anything wrong with it. There is no rule saying everyone you invite has to come, so in my opinion they can each make the choice for themselves. I get that they would have a lot of the supplies they need, but it sounds like anything extra will help them out. I mean, maybe their timing isn't the best, but it's too late now, and I would want to make sure the child had everything they needed.

[Deleted]

May 8, 2013 18:20:23 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Politics also work the other way. Declining a shower at work would have probably irreparably damaged some of my working relationships.

That's why people shouldn't throw second showers.  LOL.

[vallarta]

Team shower.

[pantsparty]

May 8, 2013 18:05:07 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

May 3, 2013 7:12:03 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

And FFS she isn't throwing herself a shower, so how is that gift grabbing?

Unless it's a surprise, the mother has the option of declining.

I don't know.  I guess I'm completely baby-showered out at work in particular.  And I work with a lot of really fertile people.

And, frankly, I'm never recouping any of these costs.  LOL.

Where's our damn pair of Jimmy Choos a la SATC? I DEMAND PRESENTS!

[Deleted]

May 8, 2013 18:28:06 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I don't disagree. But I don't necessarily think it means the mother is a tacky gift-grabber. At least, I don't view myself that way.

I don't view you that way either.

Context matters.

[Deleted]

May 8, 2013 18:48:11 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

May 8, 2013 18:05:07 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Unless it's a surprise, the mother has the option of declining.

I don't know.  I guess I'm completely baby-showered out at work in particular.  And I work with a lot of really fertile people.

And, frankly, I'm never recouping any of these costs.  LOL.

Where's our damn pair of Jimmy Choos a la SATC? I DEMAND PRESENTS!

My co-workers are still holding out hope.

They've already decided that the theme of my imaginary shower is flying pigs and icicles over flames.

[pantsparty]

May 8, 2013 18:49:53 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

May 8, 2013 18:48:11 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Where's our damn pair of Jimmy Choos a la SATC? I DEMAND PRESENTS!

My co-workers are still holding out hope.

They've already decided that the theme of my imaginary shower is flying pigs and icicles over flames.

That's hilarious. They should throw you this party anyway! 

[thedutchgirl]

May 8, 2013 18:49:53 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

May 8, 2013 18:48:11 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Where's our damn pair of Jimmy Choos a la SATC? I DEMAND PRESENTS!

My co-workers are still holding out hope.

They've already decided that the theme of my imaginary shower is flying pigs and icicles over flames.

I'll take this with the Choos.

[margotmacomber]

Will the baby really be able to wear the old clothes though?  Will the clothes be seasonable so that the baby can use them?  It doesn't really matter though.  I say do the second shower.  If someone wants to throw it, they should.  If someone else thinks it's tacky, they shouldn't buy a gift.  I don't understand the gift grabby aspect.  And the cloth diaper comment?  LOLOLOL.    Because it isn't always that fucking simple.  Get a grip.

[pooh8402]

I think it depends on the age difference of the kids. maybe some of the stuff they have is crap or just old and worn out. I don't think my mom had a baby shower when she was pregnant with my middle sister (2 years younger than me) but I know that she had one when she was pregnant with my youngest sister (6 years younger than me) and she had donated/given away/thrown out most of the baby stuff.

and to ditto some of the others here, the mom isn't usually the one throwing the shower (that I do side-eye); it's her friends or family. I don't agree with a registry though, except in the above case like my mom getting rid of her old stuff.

[Deleted]

I think it's different if your kids are further apart. Mine will be 16 months apart and I honestly don't need anything...not only do I have all kinds of recent baby products, they are also still out and around my house! Six years apart, you might have outdated baby supplies that have been sitting in storage. No side eye here.

I really don't like attending baby showers (including my own) so there's that, too. I felt really awkward with everyone watching me open gifts, and I get bored watching other people open gifts. I had someone offer me a second shower and I persuaded her to make it mani/pedis and brunch with no gifts. Much more my speed!

I would send a gift to a second time parent of my own volition, I just don't love being asked to for a second time in under two years.

[auntie]

May 8, 2013 19:26:34 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

May 3, 2013 7:30:30 GMT -5 auntie said:

Because that isn't what a shower is.

A shower is to welcome a newbie mom into the fold- not the unborn baby. It's sorta like you can only be a virgin once kind of thing.

It's perfectly nice to celebrate the child with a gift after the fact or as part of a baptism, baby naming or bris. 

Really? I have never looked at it that way. Hm.

Maybe it's a regional thing. LOL

Perhaps it's also a generational thing. Showers are traditionally held to honor someone stepping into a new role for the first time- a first time bride setting up a home or a first time mother. 

A hundred years ago, showers were sometimes held for newly graduated protestant ministers when they took up their first post. Most of the time, these young men were not married and didn't have the basics a bride would get in setting up her first house. The party was thrown by the new congregation to which he was assigned- usually a tea or luncheon attended by the ladies of the church who would give him things like sheets, towels, small appliances that did not come with the parsonage. I always wondered if these unfortunate young men were supposed to open them as brides do. Or if there were games or a silly hat made of the ribbons.

[Deleted]

May 2, 2013 22:27:56 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

May 2, 2013 22:20:19 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

It's not good. Are her children really far apart in age?

No. Niece #1 just turned 1. 

The only reason why I'm considering this is because they are pretty broke. Maybe like a month after baby #2 is born they are moving so my brother can attend med school- the scholarship living stipend he's getting is probably meant for 1 person instead of a family of 4 so it's going to be tight.

why are they having another chld if they are broke?

[Jalapeñomel]

May 9, 2013 6:29:08 GMT -5 @susan3589 said:

May 2, 2013 22:27:56 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

No. Niece #1 just turned 1.

The only reason why I'm considering this is because they are pretty broke. Maybe like a month after baby #2 is born they are moving so my brother can attend med school- the scholarship living stipend he's getting is probably meant for 1 person instead of a family of 4 so it's going to be tight.

why are they having another chld if they are broke?

I think this is neither here nor there.

[hisno1girl]

May 9, 2013 6:29:08 GMT -5 @susan3589 said:

May 2, 2013 22:27:56 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

No. Niece #1 just turned 1. 

The only reason why I'm considering this is because they are pretty broke. Maybe like a month after baby #2 is born they are moving so my brother can attend med school- the scholarship living stipend he's getting is probably meant for 1 person instead of a family of 4 so it's going to be tight.

why are they having another chld if they are broke?

This is a stupid question. You know what? Sometimes pregnancies happen. Even to people who may not have planned it be prepared for it.

[saraandmichael]

with them being so close in age it might be more appropriate to throw a diapers and diaphragm party.

[psychmom]

May 9, 2013 6:29:08 GMT -5 @susan3589 said:

May 2, 2013 22:27:56 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

No. Niece #1 just turned 1. 

The only reason why I'm considering this is because they are pretty broke. Maybe like a month after baby #2 is born they are moving so my brother can attend med school- the scholarship living stipend he's getting is probably meant for 1 person instead of a family of 4 so it's going to be tight.

why are they having another chld if they are broke?

No babies for poor people.

Honest question for those who are on Team Tacky, what region are you from? I've never once heard the ' shower for first child only' rule until here. Maybe it's a regional thing?

I see a 'shower' as a party and I don't see anything wrong with throwing a friend or family member a shower to celebrate their impending arrival, regardless of the number of children they already have.

[hopecounts]

Given that they are about to move I think a VERY Very small lunch with immediate family/extremely close friends to sprinkle her with diapers would be OK as a aort of farewell.
My Mom group had done this with when someone has baby #2 at. a MNO just before they're due we'll bring a little something.
It's not really a sprinkle/shower since its a side line to the main activity and is basically whatever we'd get for the baby after the birth we just give it ahead of time so we don't have to bring it later.

[Deleted]

I'm sad I didn't have a shower with L, so I'm having one of I have another kid.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I don't get what the big deal is??

[flamingeaux]

I think we found a theme here too. Tacky Baby Shower! Everyone shows up in their best People of Walmart outfits. Solo cups and dixie paper plates, and while she's opening gifts pass around a collection plate for the parents first weekend away from both kids!

My SIL had a smaller second shower and she's having a second girl, they'll be four years apart. Their invite said something like "Come celebrate the arrival of baby Bridget with us!
Then it listed the time and the place.
Then at the bottom it said "All she really needs is diapers."