40th anniversary party ideas

[kershnic]

Trying to do something productive with my mental health sick day....

My parents' 40th wedding anniversary is this summer.  DW and I and my sister and her family and my parents are all going to be in Colorado for it, and we're planning to take them out to dinner at the restaurant where my dad proposed to my mom.  It's a fancy place and we've been there as a family maybe 1-3 times over the years.  But I want to do something to make it feel like a bigger celebration than the other random birthdays or holidays where we go out to a fancy restaurant.  

My parents held big anniversary parties for both of my sets of grandparents when they hit their 40th anniversaries (both when I was too young to really remember).  Back then my small extended family still lived across the country (as we do now also) but they were much closer than they are now.  But my sister and I have known our whole lives that precedent was set and we were supposed to do something big.

We've analyzed the idea of inviting more people and the bottom line is that almost no one would come and even if they did it would end up being a weird selection and be very complicated.  (No one really lives in Colorado).  

Other than inviting people, what else can we do to make the event special for their 40th wedding anniversary rather than just any other fancy dinner? 

[ct]

Is there any kind of once-in-a-lifetime thing they've been wanting to do that would fit in the budget? Hot air balloon ride?

Or maybe send them away for an anniversary trip?

[ElsaVonM]

For my mom's 50th birthday, I sent blank 50th birthday postcards to all of her friends I could find - even people she didn't necessarily hang out with anymore - and asked them to write their favorite memory of my mom and mail it back. I stamped and addressed the cards to make it as easy as possible for them and almost everyone sent it back. Many people ignored my instructions for a favorite memory and just wrote about how much they liked my mom, and why - and that was even better. She had fun reading through all of them and found it very touching. (I had them mailed to me and then presented them all at once.)

You could try to recreate things from their wedding - serve the same kind of cake or punch/drink, have the restaurant play a song from the wedding or reception, have you and your sister wear the colors the bridesmaids wore.

You could put together a coffee table book of their marriage. Tell them you want to digitize some of their photos for your own use so you have an excuse to take their photo albums or boxes for a while.

I will be facing the same dilemma in three years - my parents threw huge parties for their parents' 40th, but now we live 1500 miles from most of their friends and family. I am hoping to convince them to go to Hawaii for a romantic weekend

[kershnic]

May 3, 2013 10:42:36 GMT -5 ct said:

Is there any kind of once-in-a-lifetime thing they've been wanting to do that would fit in the budget? Hot air balloon ride?

Or maybe send them away for an anniversary trip?

They say they want to do some travel, but then they never actually seem interested in doing it.  My mom in particular has some mobility problems so that's somewhat of a limitation.  Being in Colorado is already a "trip" of sorts - they live in Minnesota, but have a cabin in Colorado.  (CO is where they met and got married, and my dad actually bought the land while he was in college out there).  But it's obviously not any sort of exciting once-in-a-lifetime thing, and they're doing that anyways we're just tagging along and taking them to dinner.  I suggested a night or two at the hotel (also in Colorado) where they stayed at for their honeymoon to my sister, but she thinks they're happier spending their limited time in Colorado at the cabin hanging out with their grandsons.  I think she might be right about that.  

Maybe we could come up with somewhere they'd like to go some other time and give that as a gift... I'm not sure if we can afford it though on top of everything else that is going on.  Something in a category like a hot air balloon ride would be more affordable, but I don't think they'd actually like a hot air balloon ride...hmm....  I feel like I should google bucket lists to get ideas!  But my parents are not that adventurous, so it's not like they're going to do anything crazy.   

[kershnic]

May 3, 2013 10:50:21 GMT -5 ElsaVonM said:

For my mom's 50th birthday, I sent blank 50th birthday postcards to all of her friends I could find - even people she didn't necessarily hang out with anymore - and asked them to write their favorite memory of my mom and mail it back. I stamped and addressed the cards to make it as easy as possible for them and almost everyone sent it back. Many people ignored my instructions for a favorite memory and just wrote about how much they liked my mom, and why - and that was even better. She had fun reading through all of them and found it very touching. (I had them mailed to me and then presented them all at once.)

You could try to recreate things from their wedding - serve the same kind of cake or punch/drink, have the restaurant play a song from the wedding or reception, have you and your sister wear the colors the bridesmaids wore.

You could put together a coffee table book of their marriage. Tell them you want to digitize some of their photos for your own use so you have an excuse to take their photo albums or boxes for a while.

I will be facing the same dilemma in three years - my parents threw huge parties for their parents' 40th, but now we live 1500 miles from most of their friends and family. I am hoping to convince them to go to Hawaii for a romantic weekend

Oo, I like the postcard idea.  I'd been trying to think of some sort of book/group contribution that I could do... postcards might work really well.  

My sister has been plotting asking my mom for the pictures under the guise of my nephews needing pics for a daycare grandparents project, but I keep telling her that if she does that my mom is going to want to see the results of the project before the anniversary happens.  Unfortunately neither of us are going to be at my parents' house before we meet up in Colorado so my mom would either have to scan or send us anything - so we need a good excuse.  We'll figure out some way to get some....  maybe we could make a book that mixes together a page contribution or postcard from friends/relatives and pictures....

I was just looking at the restaurant's website and they have apparently only been open 41 years so they have stuff touting the restaurant's 40th anniversary - I never knew it was a brand new restaurant when they got engaged.  Part of me wants to ask the restaurant if they'd do anything fun for them, but I feel awkward about it.  

I'm glad to hear we're not the only ones dealing with this!  Hawaii sounds much easier.    I have a tiny extended family, but just counting myself, my sister, my parents, my aunts and uncles, and my one living grandparent we are in California, Nevada, Minnesota, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Florida.  And we're celebrating somewhere else.  I wish my grandma would come but she can't really handle traveling anymore and I think the altitude would be rough.

edited for clarity.  stream of conscious typing ftw.

[ElsaVonM]

Don't feel awkward! It doesn't hurt to ask. They might be excited to help, especially if it's a family-owned place. Business owners like to know that they have been part of a special event in someone else's life. At the least I'm sure they would agree to giving you the best table and putting out any decorations or items you want to drop off ahead of time, like a framed photo from their wedding or engagement, flowers, a sign, etc.

[kershnic]

May 3, 2013 11:42:45 GMT -5 ElsaVonM said:

Don't feel awkward! It doesn't hurt to ask. They might be excited to help, especially if it's a family-owned place. Business owners like to know that they have been part of a special event in someone else's life. At the least I'm sure they would agree to giving you the best table and putting out any decorations or items you want to drop off ahead of time, like a framed photo from their wedding or engagement, flowers, a sign, etc.

From the website it does appear to be a family-owned place and as far as I know it's not a chain of any sort.  Do you think I need to know what I want them to do for me before I contact them or can I ask a general question of what they suggest?  The anniversary is not until August, so it's too early to start asking these questions, right?  Some days I really don't think I'm ready to be a grown up.  

[ElsaVonM]

It's not too early. Call and tell the hostess or whoever answers that you're planning a special anniversary party and you would like to know when the best time is to call and speak to the manager about it. When you talk to the manager, explain your parents' connection to the place and tell him that you want to do something special but you need to know what the restaurant's parameters are for a small party. He'll either (a) start listing stuff they've done in the past, which will give you ideas, (b) say "the sky's the limit" or something to that effect, or (c) be a jerk about it, in which case you know they'll probably do nothing, and then you can just ask if it's OK if you bring a few table decorations and you can start working on Plan B/hot air balloon ride/etc.

[seattlekari]

Great advice already, I was coming in here to suggest something along the lines of the post cards or a memory book, etc.

We did a hot air balloon ride for my parents for one of their anniversaries. So I like the idea of something like that (that appeals to their interests) and doesn't necessarily have to happen that weekend. You might have discreetly try to get some ideas from one of your parents. Also I wonder if some of their close friends (or siblings) might have ideas of things your folks have talked about doing.

[kershnic]

May 3, 2013 14:16:47 GMT -5 seattlekari said:

Great advice already, I was coming in here to suggest something along the lines of the post cards or a memory book, etc.

We did a hot air balloon ride for my parents for one of their anniversaries. So I like the idea of something like that (that appeals to their interests) and doesn't necessarily have to happen that weekend. You might have discreetly try to get some ideas from one of your parents. Also I wonder if some of their close friends (or siblings) might have ideas of things your folks have talked about doing.

Hhm... that's a good idea about asking some of their friends.  Neither of them communicates all that much with their siblings, but they do have a close group of friends.  (And I didn't mention, but they've already declared that they're having their own party for their friends at home....  we're a little unsure of whether they told us this as a passive aggressive "since you two obviously aren't doing it for us" or if it was just a heads up that we didn't need to worry about it).   Maybe one of their close friends will have a good idea or help us orchestrate something for our party.

[ballandchain]

Everyone else came up with WAY better ideas than I would have, so I am just going to say good luck!

[eratmama]

We did postcards for my grandma's 70th party- it was one of her favorite gifts ever.

Corasages or a bouquet for your mom.

I bet the restaurant would love a story like that! They would love to be a part of the night!