I need hair pets. Badly.

[iamali]

And for someone to tell me this is all going to be ok.

I missed a meeting at DS1's school yesterday. An important one. Something happened here at work and I couldn't leave.

This is the son who has ADHD. Since he's been on medication he's done a LOT better, but he still has behavioral issues and still expresses quite a bit of anxiety.

The team at the school (his teachers, the special ed teacher, the school psychologist, and the prinicipal) want to try to get him placed in an "alternative" school for kids with issues.

I *hate* this idea. I selfishly want him to be "normal" and around other "normal" kids. I fear that if he goes there he's going to never have a chance to "get better". I don't want him to think he's not smart or good enough (and for serious, he is super duper smart. It blows me away sometimes how smart he is). I don't want the stigma of being "different" attached to him.

I'm on there verge of tears here at work.

I don't know what to do.

[pedanticwench]

That is really hard, Ali. I'm so sorry. ((hair pets))

Maybe this will turn out for the best for him? Maybe it's what he needs?

[ralphlauren]

I am sorry

Maybe he will thrive in the other environment. Just remember that he is NORMAL but he needs a little modifications. I have a learning disability and I had modifications when I was in school (not a different school) but I had some modifications for me.

[mudslide]

Lots of *hair pets*

[walterismydog]

here's a baby elephant hug for you


I don't know what I would do in your situation and I don't have a child, but best of luck to you. Everything will turn out ok. <3

[pantsparty]

What are the issues? Is he being disruptive in class, getting bad grades? Maybe there's some therapy or different medication that can help him?

[Deleted]

(((HUGS)))


An alternative school doesn't mean abnormal, just that he needs different things. Things his school currently can't (is unable to?) provide.

Can you tour the alternative school before making a decision?
Maybe it's not as bad as you're envisioning?

[cc]

(((hugs)))

As the mom of a son with ADHD, I can imagine how hard this is for you. I would be upset too.

Check out the other school and see what you think. Just because they are recommending it, does he have to go there?

[lime]

Ok, first: you missed a meeting. So you need to reschedule and hear what they have to say. 

After that, you can make a decision. To the extent that you can, stay calm until you have more information. 

[Deleted]

Do you want to PM me? I am a school nurse in public education and this is what I do.

[litebright]

Big hugs. It's never easy to be the mom of the kid who's different to the point of pathology, through no fault of their own. My DD1 has ASD.

Reschedule the meeting. Find out more about the school. How old is he?

Saying from experience, the fears that you have are completely understandable -- but also may not reflect what your son needs. Those kind of placements aren't cheap and don't come recommended lightly -- but it may be a better environment for him to be in a place with 100% of the support he needs, rather than be ostracized and struggle in a classroom that he doesn't handle well. And it doesn't have to, and probably won't be, forever -- I think you go into something like that with the goal of getting him a better foundation and addressing issues, and then mainstreaming again as soon as he gets his coping skills to where they need to be.

I know this is hard. Nobody ever is prepared for this kind of parenting, and it's so hard and personal when you have to let go of a lot of your ideas about what school/life would be like when you have a child with needs beyond the typical.

[hulley]

I'm sorry, Ali. I'm a teacher and a mom, so I know how hard this is on both ends. Has anyone tried to figure out why he's having behavioral issues? Is there something that could be modified to make him feel okay not acting out? He is doing it for a reason, whether that is to elicit a response or because he needs a break or something else. I have a student who is world's better now that we have built "body breaks" into his day. His mind can't focus for the entire day without them, and he was acting out.

That being said, some alternative schools are really excellent. I agree with PPs: reschedule the meeting, tour the alt school, and then decide what to do. Feel free to ask if you have any questions I might be able to help with.

Oh, and ((hugs)) and hair pets.

[iamali]

May 3, 2013 11:41:31 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

What are the issues? Is he being disruptive in class, getting bad grades? Maybe there's some therapy or different medication that can help him?

He is disruptive in class sometimes. He's gotten a lot better. He still refuses to do his work in class sometimes. He is also very shy and doesn't like to get up in front of the class to do any example problems.  He gets frustrated easily. He *does* do better with more one on one attention, so perhaps this is something that would be good for him.

He's also been in and done therapy in the past. She basically told us that he was great while he was in her office so there wasn't really much she could do.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry

If it helps at all, my cousin is 12 and has been going to a new school for kids with learning disabilities since Sept. She was just in a "regular" classroom with aides before -- she has a few other things but ADHD too. And she's loving it. The curriculum better supports kids who learn significantly differently from the general population, and she likes having friends who understand. So she actually feels more "part of" in the new school than she did in the "regular" one.

[winnied]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your son's previous therapist was a bad one. My brother has ADD and struggled in school without consistent therapy, which he still goes to as an adult. I would suggest looking into that further as well as the alternative school.

Does your son's school have resources to help children with minor behavior problems? What is the range of issues at this alternative school?

Let's not freak out before we have all the information. It'll be ok. *hugs*

[angelaa73]

Hugs. Wanna meet for a drink this weekend?

sent from my posse's on broadway

[snickers]

*hair pats* I hope everything works out for the best for you and your son.

[Captain Serious]

May 3, 2013 11:40:01 GMT -5 squirrelymom said:

((hugs and hair pets))

I would go and check out the alternative school before you make any decisions. You may walk in there and *know* that it's the right place for him, you might also realize it's not.

I agree that you should check out the school before you make any decisions.  When M's school was fighting us and not giving us what M needs, I went to check out a local alternative school.  It was a great school, but not only was it completely full, it was just a bit more structured than M really needs.  I seriously would have been torn, though, if the public school district continued fighting us and the alternative school had room.  I really liked the place, thought the discipline closely matched what we do at home, and the kids were really closing the gap.  One of the things that really impressed me is that kids that graduated from the school received a regular school district diploma, because they worked on the same curriculum.

One of the things I asked about was how frequently a student achieves so well that they are able to go back to the regular, mainstream school.  I'd ask this of any alternative school, especially if you think this may be an issue that your son could get under control.

BUT, if you tour the alternative school, and do not think it's right for your son, you are well within your rights to fight the district about it.  While I agree that districts don't typically like to pay for out-of-district placements, they may have gone to a mostly-inclusive (mainstreaming) plan and just might not want to make other arrangements for your son.  By law, your son is entitled to the least restrictive environment which meets his needs.  If you really don't think the alternative school is right for him, challenge the district with that exact phase.  Ask for resource room pull-outs or even a self-contained classroom placement, and don't take any of the following as answers, because they are not legal:

 - We don't do that here
 - That's just not how we do that
 - We can't provide those services

They are required to meet your child's specific, individual needs with an Individualized Education Plan (IEP).

[sparkythelawyer]

What do they think this alternative environmebt will provide for him? Sounds like he's doing ok, just needs a little understanding from his teachers regarding his comfort level.

[Deleted]

I think it is amazing that schools like this exist. Not every child is the same. That's amazing.

Hang in there. Maybe this will be good? Go to the meeting and see what they have to say.

[Deleted]

::hair pets:: I'm so sorry, I bet this is super frustrating for you, especially that you had to miss the meeting. I agree with the PP that you should check out the other school and at least see what they have to offer.

[Captain Serious]

And, in my eagerness to remind you of all the ways you can advocate for what you believe is right for your son, I forgot the most important thing of all.

{pets ali's hair} There, there. It's okay. You will find a good placement for him, and it will be so worth this struggle. It will get better.

And I mean that!