It is not polite dinner conversation to talk

[luckyval]

This is their idea of reminiscing? My parents wouldn't even acknowledge that kind of stuff happened

I am so sorry bree

[eb777888]

(hug) (hug2)

[alzi]

I'm sorry:( not exactly something to reminisce about.

[WOT?*]

what...the...fuck...

((((@breebirdy))))

[Bonita]

My Ex-H's family was like this, they thought talking about stuff like that was "funny shit"

They couldn't fathom why I was so "boring" and "not fun," because I didn't usually laugh at these stories?

{{{hugs}}} Sorry Bree

[psychmom]

Wow. I feel sorry for the children in your family.

[agnes]

I am so sorry breebirdy

[speckledfrog]

Fuck them all. ((bree))

[psychmom]

It's not the five year olds fault the mother did not know how to parent. It is not the five year olds fault for simply behaving like a child. It is not the five year olds fault the mother beat them.

I'm so sorry you went through this. Big, big hugs.

[goaskalice]

No, it is most definitely not ok that they talked that way. Does your sister have kids? She should know that there was no way shape or form that it was your fault.

I will gladly delete anything if you'd like.

[goaskalice]

May 4, 2013 20:34:19 GMT -5 @breebirdy said:

May 4, 2013 20:29:54 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

No, it is most definitely not ok that they talked that way. Does your sister have kids? She should know that there was no way shape or form that it was your fault.

I will gladly delete anything if you'd like.

She does and I've brought that up to her. Like with get boys (2 and 4) and our you get brother, there's a sympathy, but with me, it's like just another memory that I deserved. Idk. She's never mean or malicious about it when it is brought up, but why even bring it up at all?

Ugh, my heart is really breaking for you. My mom worked for Childhelp USA which dealt with abuse of kids and she told me it was very common for only 1 child to be singled out. I would like to think there's a little bit of guilt that your sister doesn't know how to deal with and that's why she tries to play it off. But it very well be that she doesn't understand your point of view at all. I also think it's ok to be super assertive in this instance and say "this is not appropriate conversation, I won't be a part of it" and leave. 

[statlerwaldorf]

We have had the same issue with my MIL. She told us once about how DH stepped in dog poop when he was 3 years old so she made him walk barefoot in the snow for his punishment like it was hilarious. Or the time she beat him so bad on a flight that she was immediately arrested upon landing. They had CPS involved, but of course CPS in this country just overreact according to her. Needless to say, she has extremely limited contact with DD.

[lilafowler]

I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. Fuck them. Hugs girl.

[noodleskooze]

This makes me sick to my stomach for you. I am so sorry.

[Deleted]

Yuck. These people are just. Yuck. I'm knitting my eyebrows and wishing I could say something to them on your behalf. I'm so sorry.

[shopgirl07]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you were able to recognize the abuse and have turned your experiences into something positive. You must be a great teacher.

[Deleted]

(((bree))) I'm so sorry you went through all that. It breaks my heart to read your story but you are a strong woman now. No one can hurt you like that anymore.

[angelaa73]

Omg breebirdy. I am so sorry that happened to you. Tonight and 20 yrs ago. you have such hideous females in your family.

Your sister can't possibly feel for you or see you the way she sees her kids. She was most likely abused and is just as fucked up as you are! She's obviously reminiscent as some sort of weird protection. ??



And your brother? What about him?

sent from my posse's on broadway

[isabel]

Wow. Hugs to you. I can't even imagine what you've been through and I'm sorry your family continues to be so callous.

[lime]

May 4, 2013 20:40:35 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

May 4, 2013 20:34:19 GMT -5 @breebirdy said:

She does and I've brought that up to her. Like with get boys (2 and 4) and our you get brother, there's a sympathy, but with me, it's like just another memory that I deserved. Idk. She's never mean or malicious about it when it is brought up, but why even bring it up at all?

Ugh, my heart is really breaking for you. My mom worked for Childhelp USA which dealt with abuse of kids and she told me it was very common for only 1 child to be singled out. I would like to think there's a little bit of guilt that your sister doesn't know how to deal with and that's why she tries to play it off. But it very well be that she doesn't understand your point of view at all. I also think it's ok to be super assertive in this instance and say "this is not appropriate conversation, I won't be a part of it" and leave. 

I was the singled out kid while my sister was totally entitled and worshipped. I didn't start dealing with it well at all until I was 30 and in therapy. 

Big hugs to you bree. I still really don't have much of a relationship with my sister and my parents pretend they don't understand why. 

[shoeless]

WTF?! I'm so sorry ((hugs))

[nursewife]

So sorry bree. Nobody deserves that. I just want to hug you.

[snickers]

That is so not okay.

[WOT?*]

May 4, 2013 20:40:35 GMT -5 goaskalice said:

May 4, 2013 20:34:19 GMT -5 @breebirdy said:

She does and I've brought that up to her. Like with get boys (2 and 4) and our you get brother, there's a sympathy, but with me, it's like just another memory that I deserved. Idk. She's never mean or malicious about it when it is brought up, but why even bring it up at all?

Ugh, my heart is really breaking for you. My mom worked for Childhelp USA which dealt with abuse of kids and she told me it was very common for only 1 child to be singled out. I would like to think there's a little bit of guilt that your sister doesn't know how to deal with and that's why she tries to play it off. But it very well be that she doesn't understand your point of view at all. I also think it's ok to be super assertive in this instance and say "this is not appropriate conversation, I won't be a part of it" and leave. 

I too was the one singled out.  It's affected me, it's affected my children and it's affected my relationships with my family.  I'm seeking counseling and taking parenting classes so it doesn't affect my grandchildren as well.  My sisters both have happy, healthy, successful kids in addition to their happy, healthy, successful lives.  But they weren't the ones beaten, just the ones who watched me take the abuse and "felt bad about it" after they became adults.  But my kids' problems are because I didn't take them to church enough, not because they had rough lives with a father disabled when they were young and a lifetime of struggle after that.  Or because they had a mother who dealt with that and other stressors by screaming and belittling them when they were little because they weren't behaving "just so" and "respecting" her, and who couldn't "get" why they just didn't go to school and do well like she kept telling them to do when they got older because it was easier to follow the path they were put on when they were younger.

What you do is cut them off while you see someone who can help you navigate.  If you have to spend time with them, get FI on board with you until you develop mechanisms on your own.  If they start talking about what a PITA you were as a kid who was abused, if you don't have the strength (yet) to step up and say something, see if he's willing to be your support and speak up for you, if he's willing to let them hate him or dislike him for a while.  If they say something, can he step in with "You know, with @breebirdy's history, I think that was a rather mean comment to make.  She wasn't a PITA, she was your little sister.  She didn't deserve what she was handed and she was lucky you were there for her.  It was very lucky for her that were there for her when she was little, but you should think about how it affected her and still affects her as an adult, before you make hurtful comments like that.  It hurts, ESPECIALLY from the big sister who was there for her back then and who she looked up to for being there for her.  I'm sure she'd appreciate if you could be there for her now too and appreciate her for what she's been through rather than make comments that imply she deserved what she got."  In a Reader's Digest condensed version, of course. Until you can learn to believe it and to say it for yourself.

Please talk to someone about how you were raised and how to live with it, deal with it and handle your family.  It seems your family is continuing the abuse, even if it's not physical.  You shouldn't be the punching bag.  Until you can learn coping mechanisms, please don't see them or at least see if you can have someone at your side help you deflect it until you're able to do so on your own.