Home Studies (adoption related)

[2moms2b]

We are moving slowly through our second parent adoption. We met with our lawyer who said a home study is optional but goes a long way. He gave me a number to call and I have been going in circles trying to get this setup. While I bang my head on a wall trying to get this done I have a quick question. Just to prepare myself, what all is included in a home study? Is it just one visit or multiple? I also need to provide the lawyer with a target time frame for the adoption but I am not sure what that would be if we do a home study.

Thanks so much in advance!

[ElsaVonM]

A homestudy is mandated here for second-parent adoption. It was annoyingly expensive ($900 for a one-time visit and a report riddled with typos and weird sentence structure). That said, it was basically the only evidence used in the case, except for the judge asking a few questions, and I can imagine in states where it's not mandated that it makes things a lot easier on the judge, since it's an objective third party who has observed you and the kids.

Ours took place when the babies were two weeks old. It was a one-time visit that lasted 3-4 hours. The babies were napping when she arrived and she went through a bunch of pre-set questions about our families, our parents, our feelings about different topics related to parenting, how we met. Some of it was hard just b/c they were so young and we were so tired - sorry, but we haven't decided on how to discipline them, they are two weeks old. She asked Jen a few questions, but mostly me since I was the prospective adopter. I can't remember everything, but it was nothing especially invasive or upsetting. When the babies got up she watched us interact with them, feed them and play with them. Then she walked around the whole house and the backyard and looked at everything and asked questions - from what I gather she was looking at safety, cleanliness, and available play space.

A few weeks later we got a copy of her report and another one was sent directly to the lawyer. Our court date happened when they were 6 weeks old and it was a lovely experience - the judge asked a few questions to ensure that I understood what adoption meant as far as legal responsibilities, he approved it, and invited us up to his bench to take pictures. We came home and had cake.

[ct]

Our homestudy included 2 home visits and took approx 6 months. And was similarly riddled with typos and bizarre information.

but hopefully that's not the norm!

[2moms2b]

Since its not mandated would you do it? My thought process is we need to do it just in case but it sounds like my nightmare is just beginning. Our lawyer is talking court in July and I have been trying to get this scheduled for almost a month now. We have a meeting with our lawyer tonight so I plan on asking for his help but I got the impression as its not mandated for a second parent adoption he really can't help much. *goes back to banging head against the wall*

[Deleted]

Our homestudy was two visits over a few weeks, a lot of personal questions, a walkthrough of our home, watching us interact with A. We never received a copy of our homestudy, it was done free by our agency, so they keep it in their file and we can purchase a copy if we want to use it for private adoption outside the agency. We did read the homestudy and thought it was well written and very detailed.

[ElsaVonM]

I would absolutely do it, because I think it will save time in the long run and it's also something of a show of good faith to the judge - says "We have nothing to hide." My impression is that home studies for second parent adoption are less stringent than for foster-to-adopt. These kids are going to live with you no matter what the state says. To my mind they're essentially deciding if they want to add someone else to the list of people who can be chased down for child support, and there is little incentive to find reasons to say no.

[ct]

May 7, 2013 9:38:09 GMT -5 ElsaVonM said:

To my mind they're essentially deciding if they want to add someone else to the list of people who can be chased down for child support, and there is little incentive to find reasons to say no.

If that is the case, then why put the money and effort into a homestudy?  (that's a general question, not a 'picking fight' question)

I think I'd ask my attorney what his track record was on second parent adoptions with vs without homestudies (if he has even done any previously) and for his general gut feeling on how valuable it would be to the case. 

what state are you in again?  I feel like I'd be more inclined to do it in a red state and less in a blue...

[2moms2b]

You don't get more red than Texas lol! The great news is second parent adoptions here (from what I have heard from friends and our LGBT Parenting group) are relatively painless. We do have to travel out of county as my county doesn't allow you to select your judge (very important in Texas). Our lawyer has actually gone through the process with his partner and we met him through our local LGBT group and he only handles LGBT family law. I will definitely ask of success rate for home study vs no home study! I didn't think about that.

The issue I am having getting the home study moving is I call the number, tell them what I need and I get transferred around to voice mails and never get a call back. So I call again rinse and repeat. I have a feeling we are low on the totem pole as we are an optional home study where they are focused on necessary home studies. I am just not getting anywhere. I am now trying to find out if there is a physical office I can go to instead of calling and take a day off of work to go sit there until someone talks to me. M is getting very upset that here we are at 14 weeks (started at 3 weeks) and we aren't any closer.

[ElsaVonM]

Without knowing the state's laws I may be off base, but I think it would save time in the long run because with a clean homestudy the judge is looking at an easy decision and a short hearing, meaning you'll get on the docket faster and likely won't be asked to provide other evidence of fitness.

Also FWIW, I got back that $900 as a refund on my federal taxes this year because Jen is not my "spouse" under federal law, so it qualified as an adoption expense for federal tax purposes.

[ElsaVonM]

Is there anyone else who can do them? Or just that one office? Could you pay a private social worker to do it?

What an annoyance, I'm sorry. Ours was a private social worker and our lawyer just gave her our number and she called me to set up the date.

[2moms2b]

I will definitely ask about a private social worker. I didn't even think about that. He gave us the county number and in a big city like Houston you can imagine we aren't a priority (rightfully so).

That was also my logic, hey we did the home study and a random third person approves so go before judge, 5 minute conversation and get signature then all done. That is also nice to know you can get that part back as well.

[twotrue]

In your state I would do it. If it were optional here I would probably opt out. For us it was a one time visit that cost $400. We were able to hire any social worker I wanted and I chose someone that works for the same employer as I.

[2moms2b]

Awesome. I found a private agency and I am going to try and go that route. I also posted to my LGBT family group asking if anyone else used a private agency and which one. Thank you so much ladies!!!!

[2moms2b]

So we can use a private agency thank goodness! I have several to call now! Thank you again ladies.

[awkwardpenguin]

Glad you have things moving again. I just wanted to pop in and empathize with how annoying jumping through all these hoops are just to legitimize our families, especially when the law isn't super clear. Our sperm banking process has involved a similar run around and like you said, it makes me want to stab my eyes out. So just sending some sympathy.