I'm full of questions today :)

[2moms2b]

We are finalizing all of our paperwork for the second parent adoption tonight and more importantly the boy's new legal names.  Originally, we were going to change the boys last name to M's last name but now have decided to hyphenate.  If we are going to call them by M's last name for things non legal (like when they write their name on non legal documents) what order do you hyphenate?  My last name - M's last name or M's last name - my last name? 

We want both of our last names honored as I am keeping my last name for now (could change later but legally too difficult right now to change).  Also the schools down here let the child go by a preferred name instead of legal so technically we can do it either way but we aren't sure what makes more sense (drop the first or last). We have been debating this so I thought I would get some opinions in the matter. Is it just too complicated and we should just stick with M's name?

[2brides]

Ours are hyphenated (mine-hers) for no other reason than it sounded better. But they go by, their full hyphenated name.

I will tell you, that hers (the latter) gets dropped by school/doctors/etc more often than mine (the first.)

[Duchess1]

We hyphenated, hers -mine, because it sounded better. We use the full name on everything. I think we've only had my part dropped once and we made them correct it. I worked too hard to make them legally ours to get chopped :-)

I haven't found a hyphenated name to be too much trouble.

[2moms2b]

May 7, 2013 10:11:30 GMT -5 2brides said:

Ours are hyphenated (mine-hers) for no other reason than it sounded better. But they go by, their full hyphenated name.

I will tell you, that hers (the latter) gets dropped by school/doctors/etc more often than mine (the first.)

Good to know!  I know hyphenated names get "shortened" all the time so I was curious which one get's dropped.  My plan is to give their name non officially as Sam and Jacob Herlastname (play dates, sports, etc) while legally still retaining both last names (I fought like heck to get my last name legally changed years ago and I am not ready to let it go).  Our last names are short so I don't see it being that big of a deal for the boys to understand/write/spell.

I know I am making it a bigger deal in my head than it probably is but I just want to make sure that the boys more often than not get called by her last name.  Its a HUGE deal to M and I figure as I am on the birth certificate it's the best way to recognize her parental rights without her having to waive her adoption paperwork around.

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twotrue]

I would think that whichever name is listed first is going to be the one used more often (as 2brides antidote suggests).

[2brides]

I will say that it is pretty rare that hers gets dropped - but if it does, it is the one. the boys went through a stage where they just wrote mine (first part) cause "it is too long to write it all." It really isn't. Mine is 4 letters and hers 5. I have many friends who have longer non-hypenated names. We just told them that their name is, "X-Z" and reinforced this with the teacher, who was not at all phased by it and had them write their name as such.

[thiswillbe]

May 7, 2013 10:36:31 GMT -5 2moms2b said:

Good to know!  I know hyphenated names get "shortened" all the time so I was curious which one get's dropped.  My plan is to give their name non officially as Sam and Jacob Herlastname (play dates, sports, etc) while legally still retaining both last names (I fought like heck to get my last name legally changed years ago and I am not ready to let it go).  Our last names are short so I don't see it being that big of a deal for the boys to understand/write/spell.

I know I am making it a bigger deal in my head than it probably is but I just want to make sure that the boys more often than not get called by her last name.  Its a HUGE deal to M and I figure as I am on the birth certificate it's the best way to recognize her parental rights without her having to waive her adoption paperwork around.

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People are MUCH more used to dealing with hyphenated names now than they used to be. Growing up with a hyphenated name in the 70s/80s, people tripped over my last name all the time, asked me which one was my "real" last name, etc., but now it doesn't phase anyone.

We did nonbiomom-biomom (well, half of my maiden name, since it was already hyphenated), but it was just because it sounded better that way. DW and I changed our names as well (through the court system), so we all have the same hyphenated last name (I moved the other part of my maiden name to be a middle name).

I would encourage you to consider using the boys' whole last names for everything, not just legal documents. If they grow up with it not being a big deal, it won't be. Our kids grasped (and were finally enable to fully enunciate) their hyphenated last name when they were 2.5-ish, and now they'll correct people if someone just uses one part of it.

[ElsaVonM]

People are also more used to kids having different last names than their parents. We didn't change our last names and the babies only have my last name, and no problems so far.

I have nothing against hyphenating, but our names sound ridiculous when you hyphenate them. Plus both of our last names are common but have the "wrong" vowels, and it'd be a pain to explain/spell both every time. (Like if your name was Smeth-Welsun.)

[viciouskittie]

No kids in our family yet, but when we married we both took on a hyphenated last name which, like cookiemonster's, is 15 letters long. My first name is eight and my middle name (which I use on all official documentation) is seven for a whopping total of 30 letters, lol. My wife's is a total of 25 and technically has a hyphen in the first name, though she dropped that as a child. Aside from the fact that my name sometimes doesn't fit on forms, we've never had any difficulty with them.

[Deleted]

I hyphenated my last name when we married mylastname-herlastname. Iz has the hyphenated name, as will Owl and Apple. A wants the hyphenated name (she has my maiden name) but we need approval from her dad and he won't consent.

Iz's teacher asked if she could use J's last name only when teaching Iz to write her full name and we said no, it's important to us that she uses her full last name.

I get called by J's last name all the time, people tend to drop the first of the hyphenated names.

[cymru]

We gave Annie my last name as a second middle name rather than hyphenating her last name. If we hyphenated, her last name would be 17 letters. She goes by Carols last name legally, but still has the family connection with my last name as well.

[mommiebear]

I'm going to be the odd one here. We started with Little Bear's last name as a hyphenated last name but now I want to change t! It's crazy! My partner's last name is 9 letters long while mine is only 5 letters. Shiver!
Currently his insurance always drop either one or two letters from my partner's last name. We have it my last name-her last name. It is just isn't working for me. I plan to legally change his name when I can -- perhaps this summer or as a birthday gift to myself. Another clue why the name change? Things are not going good between us.

[awkwardpenguin]

I legitimately want to double hyphenate our theoretical kids' last name, because I'm already hyphenated and don't feel like I can give up either part of my name. Since this is a ridiculous proposition, we'll probably just give them DW's name, but I don't like that we'll be naming our kids after FIL.

I do refer to the cats by the double hyphenated name, hoping it will grow on DW.

I've had about zero problems having a hyphenated name my whole life.

[awkwardpenguin]

Oh, I also think that people are fairly equal opportunity about dropping names, slightly favoring dropping the second last name. But most people won't shorten hyphenated names - they're used to them now. I feel like there's been an explosion of hyphenated last names in the past decade.