Overall, we treat each other with respect; but, there are just some times when DH really needs to tell me to be quiet. We both have big personalities and sometimes we need to check each other. I don't consider it disrespectful on any level.
My Dh and I call each other names all the time in jest. example I may say "Hey douche how was your day?" I don't mean anything mean but it... and he will say things similar. We never swear at each other and we don't ever say certain things. For me if he called me a cunt I would rage. For him he HATES asshole. so I don't say that ever.. not even kidding. But we do kinda rag on one another in a funny way that is just how we are.
Its toned down ALOT since kids bc we can't have them saying it.
ETA: when we fight its usually him being calm and me yelling and that is it. I calm down we talk it out. We fight very rarely
Post by jennysmitten on May 7, 2013 13:21:51 GMT -5
We swear, but it is not usually used towards the other person. We have both told the other to be quiet at some point or other. I am the hot head and he will pout, which just infuriates me more. Our fights don't get resolved when we are fighting, only when we calm down. We don't fight often, so that is good. We would probably look insane to an outsider.
Post by AlpineSlide on May 7, 2013 13:23:43 GMT -5
We're both pretty quiet/soft spoken in general, so it would be rare to need to tell the other one to be quiet. When he does start speaking loudly (which is probably a normal level for most people) I tell him to "bring it down a notch."
But we are smartasses so we do cuss at each other in a joking way.
I yell and blow up. He fights back with low hits. It is not pretty when we fight. But it is getting rare, and it is after the kids are asleep, and we resolve it pretty much immediately.
That being said, I think it is healthier than my parents who almost never fight and keep everything bottled up and have been known to spend weeks without speaking. Because that was really fun to be around when I was a kid. :-\
Post by ProfessorArtNerd on May 7, 2013 13:26:44 GMT -5
He's a yeller and a stormer-off-er, I'm a huffer and get impossibly quiet. I HATE being yelled at. I hate storming around. I'm also the type to just try to get a long, to a fault, so this is something I'm working on.
I think what made me mad is because it was in front of our son and it was disrespectful. He said that he said it because I was undercutting him and that wasn't my intention, but even if I was, telling me to be quiet, like I was a barking dog, really made me mad. I don't know if I should address it or just get over it. We don't normally speak to each other like that.
Maybe it would be better to talk about it again without your son around. He is likely as annoyed at your behavior as you are at his. I've learned that sweeping it under the rug just makes it worse because it will come up again at some point.
He's a yeller and a stormer-off-er, I'm a huffer and get impossibly quiet. I HATE being yelled at. I hate storming around. I'm also the type to just try to get a long, to a fault, so this is something I'm working on.
omg. you ARE my husband.
the other day i was trying to talk to my husband about something that was annoying us both in front of L (it needed to be addressed then). i was talking calmly, but he was doing the shut down/robot reboot thing and OUR CHILD was like "mommy is talking to you daddy."
He's a yeller and a stormer-off-er, I'm a huffer and get impossibly quiet. I HATE being yelled at. I hate storming around. I'm also the type to just try to get a long, to a fault, so this is something I'm working on.
omg. you ARE my husband.
the other day i was trying to talk to my husband about something that was annoying us both in front of L (it needed to be addressed then). i was talking calmly, but he was doing the shut down/robot reboot thing and OUR CHILD was like "mommy is talking to you daddy."
ha ha ha ha ha.
I was thinking the same thing, lol! Yeah, I need to process, and sometimes? I just need to cry. And he needs to feel like he's doing something, hence the raging or the storming. When I cry, he's most often saying, "how can I help, I don't know what to say. what can I do?" etc etc
We're both pretty calm and rarely argue, and we're respectful of how we speak to each other. No yelling or name calling, and fortunately we're both pretty focused on resolving the issue, not trying to be right or hurt the other.
That said, because we have a relationship where we both feel we are respected, we jokingly curse at each other and rib each other all the time.
My H has told me to "be quiet" before, usually when we're in the car and he wants to hear something on the radio. It annoys me for a moment because I think he could have been a little more tactful, but it's such a minor thing in the grand scheme of how we treat each other and I know there was no ill intent behind it, so I let it go. However, I think I'd be more hurt if occurred in the context you presented, and I'd definitely discuss it with him.
Post by pollyprissypants on May 7, 2013 14:21:03 GMT -5
We are both pretty laid back in general so we don't get worked up very often with each other. When we do argue it is calm and there is no name calling or anything.
DH has a tendency to sing the most annoying songs around the house though so he does hear "be quiet" or "kindly stfu before I stab you" when he does that and I'm tired of listening to it.
Our big rule is that we don't insult each other. It's not something that we sat down and decided on, it's just something we've never done. H is a man of few words. I talk and he listens. He has to sit and think before he can work through how he feels about things, when I want to talk about everything right away, right now. Usually, by the time I've gotten through my ranting and raving, he's finally ready to share how he feels and then the argument comes to a pretty quick conclusion/compromise/whatever.
H cusses, but he knows better than to cuss AT me or call me a name during an argument. I don't really swear in general anyway, so it doesn't come out when fighting. We don't tell each other to shut up when mad either.
But when messing around, we tell each other stuff like "shut it already" or "just stop, fool."