Xh had his "serious" Gf (of 3 wks hanging out with the kids)

[cleo29]

can't you two come up with an agreement, like you must be seeing the person for two months before introducing them to the kids? Would you have liked to have met her before the kids did?

This would bother me too.

[EmilieMadison]

I think this is just one of those things about being divorced with kids. You might not like it, but there's not much you can (or should) say about it, even if you feel like it's too soon.

[Deleted]

How long did you wait with your romantic interests, or did the kids never meet them?

[cleo29]

May 7, 2013 19:51:13 GMT -5 @stpete said:

May 7, 2013 19:48:27 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

can't you two come up with an agreement, like you must be seeing the person for two months before introducing them to the kids? Would you have liked to have met her before the kids did?

This would bother me too.

It's too late now. I'm hoping he will limit it after our talk. If it goes badly we can re-organize for next time. I don't know what else I can really do at this point. I discussed it with him on the two separate days e brought her up.

yeah, the horse is already out of the barn on this one. Do you think he would have been cool with it if the situation were reversed? Just curious.

[papie]

I am sorry that would upset me too. I'd expect him to wait at least a few months before the intros.

[cleo29]

May 7, 2013 19:54:43 GMT -5 @stpete said:

I've never introduced anyone I dated to the kids. I don't plan to involve them for several months into a relationship which I expect to move towards living together/marriage. They don't need a revolving door of male (or female) figures in their lives.

I never even realized that my mom dated here and there after my dad passed because I never met anyone. She felt the same way you do, that she didn't want to bring around men who might not stick around, have us form an attachment only to lose that person too. 

[cleo29]

May 7, 2013 19:55:59 GMT -5 @stpete said:

May 7, 2013 19:53:18 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

yeah, the horse is already out of the barn on this one. Do you think he would have been cool with it if the situation were reversed? Just curious.

No, he wouldn't have. The only rule we gave each other is we would let the other know before doing this. He told me he was "falling for" her, but not that she was going to meet the kids.

Then you have a legit reason to be annoyed since he did not discuss it with you first. 

[flex]

If I had asked my ex-dh to hold off on introducing the kids to his gf until he'd dated her for a couple months, he would have laughed in my face.

[Deleted]

Our only agreement was that we'd tell each other as soon as we were either moving in with or getting married to someone new. DS has met at least one girl at X's but I didn't know ahead of time and I didn't tell X about SO until a few weeks after DS met him. I told X as soon as we were under contract on our house that SO was moving up and in with us. Maybe I'm nuts but I don't really want to be involved in the decision about when DS meets one of X's GFs.

[hisno1girl]

May 7, 2013 20:14:06 GMT -5 flex said:

If I had asked my ex-dh to hold off on introducing the kids to his gf until he'd dated her for a couple months, he would have laughed in my face.

I was just going to say, "If my ex told me to do that I would have laughed in his face!"

TWINSIES!

I miss you friend!! I hope all is well?

[wannabe]

Yeah, if I tried to dictate anything to my ex it would not have gone over well.

And vice-versa, but I'M not a dumb ass.

[flex]

May 7, 2013 20:31:55 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

May 7, 2013 20:14:06 GMT -5 flex said:

If I had asked my ex-dh to hold off on introducing the kids to his gf until he'd dated her for a couple months, he would have laughed in my face.

I was just going to say, "If my ex told me to do that I would have laughed in his face!"

TWINSIES!

I miss you friend!! I hope all is well?

Hi cupcake!  I'm doing well.  I'm heading to OR on Friday and I'll be spending Mother's Day with my mom for the first time in decades!  Woot!  Then I'm heading to Portland on business.  It's been in the high 70's there so I'm super jazzed about this trip.

How are you?  How's your DH doing these days??

[eddy]

You have said many times he is a good guy and a good dad. Trust that he is using his best judgement for now. It is easier for you to not micromanage something like this.

[Deleted]

I don't know what you can do about it but that would bother me too :-\ I'm sorry.

[mariafromnj]

That is tough. It seems really soon to bring her around but it seems like you think he is a good dad so you might have to trust him on this. I don't know if there is anything you can do.

[snickers]

That sucks, sorry. I doubt there is much you can do about it though

[cleo29]

May 8, 2013 8:54:00 GMT -5 @stpete said:

So is the consensus just stay out of it. I know I can't dado snubbing more now, but we have a good relationship for divorced people. I think if this relationship doesn't work out I can revisit the issue later.

I think this is the best approach.  I DO get his excitement not only over this woman, but also his kids and wanting her to see how great they are and vice versa, I guess. But, you (the parent) has to be careful, especially with younger kids. What's the harm in waiting until you know for sure the relationship is really serious.

And, while you are no longer married, I don't see how this is not your business or you don't have a say. They are your kids, so you should have a say on who is being brought into their lives just as he does about you.