Advice *Warning MC loss related*

[ilovelamp]

This thread deals with MC and loss...





I've never dealt with anything like this before and I want to let my friend know that I'm here for her. She was half way through her pregnancy when they noticed a cyst on the baby's back. Turns out it was Spina Bifida and the baby had an excess of fluid in his brain. The best option was for termination.

I am working on a sympathy card. Is it best just to keep it short and simple? Is there anything that I could send with the card? I live out of state so I am kind of limited on what I can do. TIA.

[BunnyMacDougal]

So sorry for your friend. Yes, a card. I can't think of anything else really.
You know her.

Would she want to get it off her mind? Silly movie?

Would she want to be sentimental? Journal?

[tdk2]

A friend sent flowers and a little bear after one of my m/cs. It was incredibly sweet. I really appreciated it. It was silly, but I cuddled that bear a lot and it reminded me that there were people out there who loved me. And the flowers just brought a smile when needed. Still warms my heart to think of those.

I'm not usually this cheesy. I was surprised how much that gesture meant the world to me.

I'm so sorry to hear about her loss.

[vanillacourage]

You don't have to keep it short, but also don't feel like you have to go on and on if you're done with what you have to say. Just avoid the awful cliches (God has a plan, these things happen for a reason, you'll get pregnant again soon, etc) and let her know you're there for her. Follow her lead on talking about it later - many people feel like everyone forgets about the baby so sending her another note on what would have been her due date, or calling the baby by name (if they got that far) would probably mean a lot.

[karmasabiotch]

Just letting her know that you there got her goes a long way. Write from the heart but avoid the cliches.

[Deleted]

ask her if she needs anything. Maybe bring her a favorite meal from a. I've restaurant?

[pillowpants]

Being someone who has been in your friend's shoes before (I had to terminate a pregnancy at 4.5 months due to abnormalities with my baby), I can honestly say, you just sending her a card is a truly wonderful gesture. Receiving words of support and love truly did help me get through a very dark and difficult time. Just letting her know that you are a phone call away whenever she needs to talk can be the biggest gift you can give her. I agree with refraining from using such phrases as "You are still young," or "You will get pregnant again."

But, if you want to send her something, my Aunt sent me a teddy bear with some flowers. I clung to that bear so much following my loss. I think it was having something tangible for me to hold on to when I felt that a human presence was too awkward to be around. After my daughter was born, I placed the bear in a box with all of the records/sympathy cards I received after my loss and open it every now and then to remind myself how strong I can be and how far I have come.

[ilovelamp]

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses tdk and pillow.

Thanks for the ideas everyone. I have been sending her text messages just reminding her that I am here for her, even if she doesn't want to talk about it. I will send the card with a little gift (teddy bear, something dealing with her faith, and maybe movie ticket gift card?) I definitely will avoid horrible cliches. Thanks again.

[snickers]

I would send her a card and maybe a candy care package and a teddy.