No, and I've been depressed. Mostly because I also have major anxiety over the thought of dying.
This.
One of my biggest anxiety triggers is death. I can't think about it much before I get a panic attack. I feel like a horrible Christian for feeling that way too. Everything else she described though was pretty spot on for how I feel most of the time.
I'm the same as @tambcat and ElizabethBennet. I've been depressed but I was never suicidal (thankfully). Before I started therapy and my antidepressants I was at the point where I would go to work, come home, go lay in the dark in the bedroom, and fall asleep watching TV because I couldn't shut it off without laying there and thinking about death. I didn't want to die but I was anxious about death itself.
Post by open24hours on May 9, 2013 12:07:07 GMT -5
It is sometimes called passive suicidal ideation. It is something I struggle with a lot. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and am devastated that I haven't died in my sleep or sometimes I think it would not be terrible if North Korea had and launched a missle that could obliterate the west coast. My psychiatrist and psychologist probe me on these thoughts, but I am not considered a huge risk.
Yep. In college as I was laying on the ground in my dorm room unable to stop sobbing for hours. Overshare, but I don't think people talk about what really happens with depression enough.
Yep. In college as I was laying on the ground in my dorm room unable to stop sobbing for hours. Overshare, but I don't think people talk about what really happens with depression enough.
Definitely. I go back and forth between telling people (maybe too much?) and never mentioning it. Some of my closest friends know about it, some don't. On one side, I fear freaking people out. On the flip, I'd want to feel comfortable telling someone if my depression came back but it went so horribly last time I worry about the former happening.
Yep. In college as I was laying on the ground in my dorm room unable to stop sobbing for hours. Overshare, but I don't think people talk about what really happens with depression enough.
Definitely. I go back and forth between telling people (maybe too much?) and never mentioning it. Some of my closest friends know about it, some don't. On one side, I fear freaking people out. On the flip, I'd want to feel comfortable telling someone if my depression came back but it went so horribly last time I worry about the former happening.
I have been more open about it in the last year, probably because the cloud has really lifted for me. But when I was in the depths I told NO ONE. I thought I would be able to fix myself, and the thought of trying to explain how I felt without creaking people out seemed exhausting and terrifying at the same time.
i would never, ever tell anyone in real life what goes through my mind. even my therapist gets a watered down version. i don't even think i would tell people here. i don't know why, it's just...i don't know. embarrassing.
FWIW, you can PM if you want. Sometimes saying everything is very cathartic. No pressure, I just want you to be ok.
Yep. In college as I was laying on the ground in my dorm room unable to stop sobbing for hours. Overshare, but I don't think people talk about what really happens with depression enough.
Definitely. I go back and forth between telling people (maybe too much?) and never mentioning it. Some of my closest friends know about it, some don't. On one side, I fear freaking people out. On the flip, I'd want to feel comfortable telling someone if my depression came back but it went so horribly last time I worry about the former happening.
Exactly. Luckily my wife knew me while I was recovering from the worst part of it, so she knows I'm susceptible. And I hope I never get there again. It so hard to crawl out of that dark hole when you can't even stand up to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Medication 100% saved my life.
I wish that I could open up to the people I really want to about my depression. They are the main reason that I pretty much have shut myself off from most of my friends and I wish that I could confront them about it and get them to understand that what they did came at the worst time and made everything worse for me.
I wonder sometimes how quickly I would have recovered had I received treatment of some kind. I was a teen though and had no way of getting these things for myself (or I didn't know how at least.)
Post by studytime45 on May 9, 2013 12:43:58 GMT -5
Been there. I suffered from a very bad depression and eating disorder from 11-17 y.o. and frequently thought about suicide. I poured pills out on the bed and counted them. But then there's the feeling of not really wanting to KILL yourself, but wanting to not be alive. And that's difficult too, because you feel like you won't/can't take any real action, but you're still in pain.
Hugs to those who have been there, or who have helped someone who has been there. Both sides are difficult.
No. I relate to her comments on the numbness though, which I experience on and off periodically. I once recieved a dysthymia diagnosis. It's mostly physical I think in that if I do the things everything says to do (eat well, exercise, get sunlight, sex, take a multi vitamin, and an iron pill), I mostly feel ok. It's getting the energy to do these things that can be a problem. If I don't, I start to feel the blahs come on big time.
Post by fuckyourcouch on May 9, 2013 13:02:47 GMT -5
yep. i don't think i could ever actually kill myself, but sometimes in that dark place i just didn't want to have to do life anymore. just sort of fade away and be done.