NH&FR: damnit

[taratru]

This week I heard some really damaging personal gossip about a colleague who is in my husband's department.  DH said some things about how it's getting uncomfortable in the department and how stuff like what I heard really isn't good considering what things are like in their department.  I felt really bad about what I heard, but I'm not friendly enough with the colleague to bring it up myself.  So I talked to one of his really good friends and asked him to talk to the guy about what was going around, and maybe just a friendly "hey, I'm worried about ya, bud" kind of thing.  

So all is right with the world, until the guy I talked to told me today that when he talked to the colleague, he pretty much just pinned it all on DH, in a way that makes DH look like a total asshole who can't address his own issues.  When really, we decided I would ask the friend to do it because it's a seriously personal kind of gossip that should come from a friend, not just a colleague, ya know?  

Now DH is all pissed off, and I feel like it's my fault, which I suppose it is, since I didn't say, "don't blame it on us."  Or maybe I should have just kept the hell out of it.  But we were (still are) seriously worried about this guy's reputation, you know?  I feel like a schmo, and I have to sit in a tent with said colleague tomorrow to work the track meet *and* DH is sharing classroom space with him tomorrow.  Mostly, I feel bad for DH, who was just trying to look out for a colleague and his department in a way that wouldn't embarrass the colleague.


Lesson learned, I guess.  FWIW, the gossip I heard is completely true, so I really wasn't telling tales out of school (so to speak).   

[shauni27]

blergh, sorry you are in this situation. Total bummer. I hate awkward stuff like that.

[vanillahip]

Ick, I'm sorry you're dealing with that! I think you did the right thing, I think gossip is totally shitty (regardless of it being true) and dude deserves to know what's being said so he can fix it or at least avoid even more awkward situations born of naïveté. I personally would want to know.

Things might be shitty at first while he deals with the embarrassment of basically being called out but I'll cross my fingers for you that he grows up and realizes you did him a favor!

[enfuego23]

that stinks:( I hate when things get akcward w/ people you work with. You were just trying to help, don't beat yourself up too much.

[taratru]

I'm going to apologize to him today for just not talking to him in the first place and make sure he knows I wasn't trying to do any harm. I hope it blows over quickly. I just feel *bad*. DH is talking to him, too.

[kams]

I hate the awkward business. Hope it goes well. Speaking to him is the right thing to do - even though it doesn't seem like you really did anything wrong.

Excuse for more wine tonight?