Post by kangaroo11 on May 11, 2013 10:43:44 GMT -5
My MIL posted on Facebook how she was going to babysit DD for us when she came to see her the first time at 3 weeks old. (That was a laugh in itself.) Since then, she has never changed a diaper during her 3 visits here, despite DH offering numerous times to show her how to do it (she will just watch, but never help). How would you babysit if you've not changed a diaper in 35+ years?
I also asked her if she wanted to help give a bath, to which she acted oh-so excited, and then once again proceeded to just watch DH do it.
I now know there's no chance of her babysitting until DD is potty trained!
Post by rootbeerfloat on May 11, 2013 12:26:08 GMT -5
Sorry, that's annoying. My mom also babysits on her own terms, e.g., not at night b/c she goes to bed early or if she has something more important to do like a hair appointment, lol. That's her right as a grandparent, certainly, but then she also complains that the kids aren't close to her. Well, that's the tradeoff. My dad is always willing to help out, but he's recovering from cancer; if we ask my mom, my dad ends up doing all the work, so that's not an option anymore either.
My inlaws and parents would do anything we asked for DD, but they would much prefer to play with DD before she goes to sleep. If they're going to come over in the evening, we usually ask them to come over a few hours before her bedtime (and then stay after if we'll be late). We are really really fortunate to have family practically falling over themselves - not only to play with DD but to help us out. Both moms say that they know how hard it was to have kids and no family around so they want to be there to make it easier for us. I am so thankful everyday for their help - it makes out lives so much easier. Plus it's awesome for DD.
In this case I would have gone to the party without H (or vice versa if it were his party).
My MIL posted on Facebook how she was going to babysit DD for us when she came to see her the first time at 3 weeks old. (That was a laugh in itself.) Since then, she has never changed a diaper during her 3 visits here, despite DH offering numerous times to show her how to do it (she will just watch, but never help). How would you babysit if you've not changed a diaper in 35+ years?
I also asked her if she wanted to help give a bath, to which she acted oh-so excited, and then once again proceeded to just watch DH do it.
I now know there's no chance of her babysitting until DD is potty trained!
Um what? I'm pretty sure my mom has never changed a diaper while visiting. If we are around that's our job. But she does just fine when she babysits. It's not that hard lol. I am an only child so she had a large gap between diapering, yet she somehow figured it out. AND we CD.
my mom has also bathed dd when she has stayed over, but would rightfully look at me like I was crazy if I asked her to join in during a visit. That's weird.
my mom has also bathed dd when she has stayed over, but would rightfully look at me like I was crazy if I asked her to join in during a visit. That's weird.
I messed up formatting on my phone trying to quote, sorry.
That's pretty cool that your mom knows how to change cloth diapers without you telling her how to do it. My mom, who teaches at a preschool and changes disposable diapers daily, had no idea what to do with our CDs. DH is an only child as well, so MIL hasn't changed a diaper recently and she did not use cloth for DH. So yeah, I do think people need help a couple times using cloth.
I don't understand your second point, as my MIL has never offered to bathe DD on her own. I thought it would boost her confidence if we showed her how to do it and she acted very interested and then stood around to watch. MIL just has no idea how to care for a baby and doesn't seem to want to learn the basics to care for DD enough to babysit.
I did tell her how. I just didn't have to make her do a dry run lol. I don't think not changing a diaper at your house means she will be an incompetent sitter.
andwatching is learning. I don't get your point about the bath.
Post by cricketwife on May 11, 2013 17:02:55 GMT -5
I would be really upset too. I get that it's not so "fun" if the baby is sleeping. BUT it's soooooo easy! And I'd be hurt that my mom wouldn't do something that's so easy to help me out for an important event.
Do you think she's being passive-aggressive because she keeps asking you to pick up your kid early from daycare and you haven't made arrangements to let her do that yet? Maybe if you try to make that happen she'll be more willing to help you on other occasions?
I'm sorry your mom did that to you. Yes, it's her choice, but it was a hurtful choice.
I'd be upset that she initially seemed to say yes for tonight and then backed out, but I don't fault her for wanting to only play with her grandson rather than being if general help (which is what she apparently intended by her original offer). You %the general 'you') can't dictate what kind of grandparent someone is going to be. She apparently wants to be the "fun" grandma. Contrast that with another poster who write about her annoying "no fun" in laws. Old people just can't win on these boards.
But I also am coming from a position where we get virtually no help from grandparents, due to logistics & health issues, so I'm sure that influences my pov.
I'd be upset that she initially seemed to say yes for tonight and then backed out, but I don't fault her for wanting to only play with her grandson rather than being if general help (which is what she apparently intended by her original offer). You %the general 'you') can't dictate what kind of grandparent someone is going to be. She apparently wants to be the "fun" grandma. Contrast that with another poster who write about her annoying "no fun" in laws. Old people just can't win on these boards.
But I also am coming from a position where we get virtually no help from grandparents, due to logistics & health issues, so I'm sure that influences my pov.
Post by vanillacourage on May 12, 2013 7:59:55 GMT -5
Starlily, sometimes old people do crappy things and people are perfectly entitled to complain about them. Having gotten to a certain age doesn't make you a good parent or grandparent, KWIM?
OP, I would be really hurt and disappointed. Sorry that happened to you.
Post by SusanBAnthony on May 12, 2013 8:12:07 GMT -5
A grandparent has the right to be the fun grandparent, but if all they want to do is fun things, and never things that would actually be helpful, fine, but they might never get called to see the kids.
My fil is like that. He wants to take the kids to do fun things, but really he just wants to be able to say he took them. The reality is that DH and I do all the work, prepping for the outting, and during the actual outing. It is fine now that they are older (we go to the zoo regardless of fil) but when they were babies and toddlers it sucked, bc they didn't care about the zoo or whatever, but fil wanted too say he took them, with us doing all the work.
Needless to say this has resulted in the kids not being particularly close to fil. Whereas we know we can get help from mil, and my parents, and as a result they get to spend way more time with the kids and the kids have a much better relationship with them.
I'd be upset that she initially seemed to say yes for tonight and then backed out, but I don't fault her for wanting to only play with her grandson rather than being if general help (which is what she apparently intended by her original offer). You %the general 'you') can't dictate what kind of grandparent someone is going to be. She apparently wants to be the "fun" grandma. Contrast that with another poster who write about her annoying "no fun" in laws. Old people just can't win on these boards.
But I also am coming from a position where we get virtually no help from grandparents, due to logistics & health issues, so I'm sure that influences my pov.
I'd take a step back. Your personal situation is absolutely coloring your view.
Starlily, sometimes old people do crappy things and people are perfectly entitled to complain about them. Having gotten to a certain age doesn't make you a good parent or grandparent, KWIM?
OP, I would be really hurt and disappointed. Sorry that happened to you.
People are perfectly entitled to complain. I just thought I was perfectly entitled to share my opinion as well, as unpopular as it obviously is on these topics.
Starlily, sometimes old people do crappy things and people are perfectly entitled to complain about them. Having gotten to a certain age doesn't make you a good parent or grandparent, KWIM?
OP, I would be really hurt and disappointed. Sorry that happened to you.
People are perfectly entitled to complain. I just thought I was perfectly entitled to share my opinion as well, as unpopular as it obviously is on these topics.
OP: I broke my arm! It is really painful and I'll have very limited use of it for 6 weeks. This sucks!
Everyone else: that does suck, so sorry.
Starlily: be glad you have an arm! I don't have one! You really dont have any right to want a pain-free arm; it can be painful if it wants! Geez, limbs just can't win on this board.